Wayne Drummond interview with Laster Copeland, Larry Copeland, Henry Copeland, Marcus Green, B. E. Glass, Thomas Grant, Warren Williams, Nathaniel Jennings, Jimmy McGee, Troy Drummond, and John Dobbs (part one)

The John Burrison Georgia Folklore Archive recordings contains unedited versions of all interviews. Some material may contain descriptions of violence, offensive language, or negative stereotypes reflecting the culture or language of a particular period or place. There are instances of racist language and description, particularly in regards to African Americans. These items are presented as part of the historical record. This project is a repository for the stories, accounts, and memories of those who chose to share their experiences for educational purposes. The viewpoints expressed in this project do not necessarily represent the viewpoints of the Atlanta History Center or any of its officers, agents, employees, or volunteers. The Atlanta History Center makes no warranty as to the accuracy or completeness of any information contained in the interviews and expressly disclaims any liability therefore. If you believe you are the copyright holder of any of the content published in this collection and do not want it publicly available, please contact the Kenan Research Center at the Atlanta History Center at 404-814-4040 or reference@atlantahistorycenter.com.
Note: this recording contains sexual and racist language. This is the first of a two part recording, in this part Laster Copeland, Larry Copeland, Henry Copeland, Marcus Green, B.E. Glass, Thomas Grant, Warren Williams, and Nathaniel Jennings tell humorous retellings of folk tales about sexual relations. The interviewees note that they learned most of the stories from working as furniture movers together. Thomas Grant learned most of his stories while he was hospitalized for seven months from injuries he received during World War II. The interviewees take turns telling stories. Of particular interest, at minute 8:36 Thomas Grant tells a story called Constanople about sharecropping. Then, at minute 9:46, the men take turns telling stories about traveling to New York and Chicago. In Larry Copelands story titled The Police and the Child, a child has an entertaining exchange with a law enforcement officer in which he indicates that his father is a womanizer. Thomas Grant tells a story titled The Presidents Lady about former President Richard Nixon.
Troy Drummond (1927-2009) was born to George Drummond and Buelah Drummond in Barrow, Georgia. Drummond enlisted in the United States Navy in 1944. He had two children, Wayne Drummond (1952- ) and Lousie Drummond Harwell, before marrying Frances Aikens in 1982. He died in Newnan County, Georgia. Wayne Drummond (1952- ) was born to Troy Drummond and spent his childhood in Lindale, Georgia. Later he moved to Rome, then to Covington, Georgia. He married Nancy Fletcher and they had several children. Laster Copeland (1937- ), Larry Copeland (1939-1988), and Henry Copeland (1950-1985) were brothers born in Georgia. Laster Copeland was incarcerated in Fulton County, Georgia, in 1961 for escaping arrest and unlawful possession of a firearm. Larry Copeland died in DeKalb County, Georgia. Henry Copeland died in Atlanta, Georgia. All three worked as furniture movers and were illiterate. Marcus Green (1932-2004) was born in Georgia to Marcus Green Sr. (1898- ) and Marie Reese (1907-1988) and had three older sisters. Thomas Grant (1926-1975) was born to Henry Grant (1882-1945) and Parilee Merchant Grant (1898-1976) and had three brothers. He enlisted into the United States Army in 1944 and was stationed at Fort Benning. After World War II, he moved to Miami, Florida, where he passed away. Warren Williams Jr. (1942-1993) was born to Warren Williams Sr. (1917- ) and Elizabeth Betty E. Williams (1913-1987) in New York and grew up in Dawson, Georgia. He married Dorothy Williams and had two children, Grady and Diane. He later moved to Mooresville, North Carolina. Nathaniel Jennings Jr. (1935-1986) was born to Nathaniel Jennings Sr. (1912-1964) and Minnie Jennings (1915-1996) and had three siblings. He married Virginia C. Jennings (1935-2017) and had one son, Mollis Jennings. Nathaniel Jennings enlisted in the United States Army in 1955. He lived in Atlanta, Georgia. Jimmy McGee (1951-2012) was born to William McGee (1921-1985) and Doris McGee and had two siblings. McGee had a son, James McGee II, and lived in Georgia, Arkansas, and North Carolina. John Dobbs Jr. (1925-1996) was born in Rome, Georgia, to John H. Dobbs Sr. (1897-1969) and B. Eugenia Dobbs (1906-1999) and had four siblings. He registered for the World War II draft in 1942. In 1962 he married Julia Ellen Dobbs (1929-1995). He lived in Orlando, Florida, when he died. Additional biographical information has not been determined.
THE DIHTY JOKE oolleoted by iVllyne Drummond IPolklore 301 Spring 1970 L 3 til)!"I i' !,i " /; . I I The Haterlal The "dlrty joke'] In Amerlcan soclety today is probably one of the most predomlnant forms of the folktale. Moreover, It Is thrivIng; not on the vlane as are some of the other types. 'rl10 nl\ture of the material and values of a number of prudes have foroed at least the mOl'e highly developed type of dirty joke to reml'dn I!\lmost exolusively in oral tradition, thereby minimally establishing the traditional nature of the material. Hilder derivatlves of a more risquee nature may have found their way into written literatu~e, or inl,o the entertainment world. Sim:t1arly. it is not inconoeival:il e that suoh oommeroial dirty jokes may find their way into oral tradition. It is inevitable that some may turn up in this oollection. This faot however should not have a detrimental effect on the validity of the materlal. Rather It oould enhanoe the projeot by illustrating the interrelationshlps of the various types of literature. Never L theless, the importance of presenting strictly oral traditions has been lmpressed on the lnformants In an attempt to seoure valId folk materlal.. The informal gatherings of Informants for colleotion of matmr1als has had a number o.r effeots on tho projeot. As Hlustr.\\ted on the tllpes the I'\udlence prov1des a rea11stic sott1ng for tho t011er of jo]{es. 'rho level of laughter can serve as .~ crude Index of response lnvoked by the style of the jol{e teller and the content of tho joko ltself. Varylnp; types of jokes have crept Into the report; some "d1rty'~ jokes, some othel! types. They have all been 1neluded as they Here recorded 1n the collectIng sesa1ons. utilization of the name "dirty joke' for the type of tale presentecl here provides amusing insights into the Amorican view of sex and other functions of the body. Certainly the oonnotations lmplioity in "dirty" is a deilavative of the Puritan-Fundamentalist vie1-1 of oarnal orientations. ~lho implication of tho puri'~an l'oference to thls type of schwank is seemingly no longer pertinent in the view of tho joke tellers. '[-'hey are not, as vlewed by lnformants treated here, dir~~ :jokes, in the sense of unclean and impure jokes aSfithe word mlght :lmply. In the view of the teller and a number of listeners, the term dirty joke is a mere appelation--a special category of joke. ,Tust:l,fication of such m collection is facllitated by a perspective of the total view of folklore. Tradltional tales, crafts, ballads, and tbther cultural associates of the folklore field are 1n constant interact10n with the1r cultur'e. '.Phey contl'lbute to the culture and are in turn der1ved from the culture. '.Phese tales ct:ln be perceived as both reflect10ns Ind direct manifestltions of the heritage, randomnly varying 1n cyclicll and linear patterns of occurence and recurrence. The lrumor of a people as reflecteJ in the1r oral tradit:lons caD functIon as an empir:l,cal and theoretloal touchstone to attltudinml variables and values. Thls ls especially the case w1th the category of the dirty joke. The elements and motifs ln these bawdy na:rratives Induce laughter in 1ndivlduals. 'Phe fact that lnughtior Is induced Is certainly related to some att:l.tude aI' value of the one laughing. In a slmllar fashIon, the joke teller can and doos reveal many attltudes of hIs own towards soclal InstItutions, sox, marrIage, sdultory, and vIrtually evory other aspect of tho socie1:y 1n lvhi.ch they llvo. On another dlmonslon, tho psyco10gloa1 mot1vations 1n both laughter and .Joke tolling can 11lum1nate many Llreas of academic endeavor. The possible funet10ns of the dlr:~!i' joke In relatlon to both the lndlvidua1 and society add still further signif:l.ctlnee to this specific t:Y'pe of oral 11teratl,U'e. Jokes can servo Ml normative elements in soeioty for prescriblng behavior and describing vlhat is appropriate or im'lypropriate in multi.t;udlnous situations. I,aughter Uself may provide a psyeologlea1 release of frustrations and anxletles for the teller and listener. On anb~her level of eXilnination, the jOke can bo vie\'ied as simply I~n mode of relaxation and entertalnment for the people lrnvo1ved. Perhaps the most cigniflcant factor of .11 is th.t the dirty joke is human, and charactoristic of poople in general. It deals with folks, their beliefs, their lives, and their values; and such an all encompassing leveib of l:U;erature cannot be dism:l.ssed from schola1'ly' :investigation. '.rho Informants The most b.sio division of inform.nts is Domprised of two f.otors: r.oe mnd sootal ol.ss. The term 1'''100 should be tmken us Il moillo of difforenttation only on oulturml blSis, stnoo thero ara no disoret0 btologloal oat agortos. ~~he oultur en to Hhtch the broad clltegorics of infoflmants have boen exposed is strildngly different. ~:bo blmok men breated here !Ire wj_th few exceptions limitod In physical mobility to thoir surroundIng environs. A.s work m.tes Illnd pla:1 mates, they are a oohesive group or oliquc, having a similar heritage. 'Pheix' oooupation, (all being involved in the moving business), provides them with a lower ol.ss inoome; education .nd other relevant v.ri.bles would .1130 revel'll lower position on sao ii'll ol.ss soalo. The l~hite informants tilre gonorally lower middlo to mldclle OlIHIS. -mduoation v.ries from oompletion of ninth gr.de ourrloulum through completion of a college progl'ilm. Varying bllokgrounds typify the middle clews whites, some from rural arollls, some beIng fl'om an urbl!1n setting. Slnoe there lire II number of lnformlJ.nt.~, it is neoessary to have a short run down of inc1ivldumls, giving Vlhat peX'tinont faotors are av a:t1.able. l,a8ter Gopeland-- (Age: 99 appr'o.x.) A. major portion of the cl'ec1H fop this project should go to this man. He made provisions for the arX'ay of blaok tale-tellers hereln. Aside from the oontribution of soverml d:l.l'ty jO]Wf3, he spontrmeously pr'ov:l.dec1 three l'Ial'ster' Llnd John tales, without the 10Bst Buggestlon of this wliter's interest in suoh a oyole. This would seemlngly indioate vibpanoy of this oycle in thls locale. Honosty, in the provision of unadulterated jokes was also expedtatod by his intervention. At the end of the first side of the five inch reel, Lallter can be heard interrupting Thomas Grant. He is directing him to tell the joke in the manner that he would toll :l.t if there were no ~Ihite people present. The differenCE' is shol~n in 1'homas t subsequent Jl\lterlAtion of rhetoric (side two, first joke) with r'eference to j:llllCk people. Each of these men exhibit a commend! 1blo amount of pride in theirselves IlInd their grouping. This is a .:lensi tive area of discuss:l.on \-lhenddl!lD~gotory terms lire used by those other than blacks, and when such terms are used, it is without exception only :l.n black presence. Any devimtion :fi'nom thill practice is likely to be met with strong sJl\nctions. The actual practice of referring to black men in this manner is seen as only a II coolll l111y of self reference, and this ill the only interpretation of these references which would be Jl\llowed. Larry Copeland--(Age: 31 approk) L61rry tellll one joke on the tape. He is III brother to Laster, and Like him has lived in lin urban setting mlmost exclusively. Also like Laster his education is limited to the point of illiteracy. Henry Gopeland--(Age: 20) Henry is the smaller brother of Lmster lmd Lml'ry. Marcus Green--(Age: 110) Marous is a proud, oonoerned blaok mlln. Upon questioning, he said that the major portion of his narratives were pibked up at parties and other social functions. B. E. Glass--(Agel 65 approx.) The information above is all th.t is availablo oonoerning this :l.ni'ormant. He Has escortod a,~ay by 111 smllil group of other informan'bs Hho oonsiderod him too loud for the recording sossion. His one tmintell:l.glble Marster and ;rohn t.le is character:l.zed by mush hOIAd nodd ing, and the punehing of many holelt8 In tho all' Hith h:l.s indox flnger. Thomas GrantJ--( Age: 113 apprex.) Thomas has Harked in the moving business for tho major portion of hls life. Dm'ing World War I I he Has wounded and ln the hospl'b!ll for seven months, vlhere he learned most of the jokes he tells. His moth ad is contrast In sty~e to the majority of those hero. His voice in distinct Ind clear, and he places a great deal on the f&\rm boy jokos; the tl\ntlcs 131' the bump:kln cy'ilIilIe. The jolws I1\re viewed as melll1f1 to the odd of the smooth transltion of tim9, a thing of relaxlltlon mnd IImusement. ]l\'l'om personal experien.;e H :tEl recalled that Thomas is II violently inclined mEAn HHh wit liS sharp as his temper. jrfllrren I'lillhms--(Age: 28 approx.) Warron 18 also an employee ln the furniture movlng lndustry. Hls jokos a1'O characterized by an almost evangellcal flalr, 'vhlch places hls jokes far ahead of the others inLterms of enjoymont. ills contributlon o,t' the BreI' Rabbit tale ln greliltly mppred.atod. Nathaniel Jennlngs--(Age: 36 approx.) No lnformllltion aval1lllble. Jimmy McGee--(Age: 19) Jimmy is !\ close friend 0.1' the collector, (as are the others), and was selected because of his availability, and of his love for the jokes he tells. He graduated from Gordon High Schoibl in DdlKdb County, !lind is employed by the Atlanta Gaslight Compllny, M1ere he piclm up the major portion of his material. Troy Drummond Sr.--(Age: 43) He is this writer t ,,,! father, and Has selected in order 'bhlllt he might feel that he hlils contributed significantly to his son 1 s e(lUClltion. IUs education, in the formal sense, WlilS terminated by the hardship imposed on him by illness in the ~.mily. His jokes IilS Iilre so many here, revolve around the preacher cycle. John Dobbs--(Age: 411) Mr. Dobbs i8 a graduate of Georgia St.te College, and is rich in humor of all forms. I,aster Copel,mitl, Llilrry Copellllnd, Henry Copeland, Marcus Grecn, IV&\rren 1<lilliams, B. E. Gl&\ss, Thomas Gr&\nt, and Nathaniol Jonnings cw) all be reached c/o Laster Copeland--42 Airline St.--Atlanta,Ga. or pIlofforably through this writer. Troy Drummond 31'., Hohn Dobbs, Jimmy r1cGoe, and all informl'lnts in this project can and should be contacted through WllIyne Dl'ummond--1239 Stonybrook DI'ive S. E. -- Atlmnh, Georgh. This condition results from the nl!.ture (highly controversial), of the material in this project. Contents Informant Page No. A PI'e11loher Tale-----------------------I,aster Copehmill---------pl Polioo /lind tho Child------------------Larry Copeland---------- ~ vfuere's Sister?-----------------------Laster Copelanill--------- 2 ~fuat Do You Wish For?-----------------Henry Copeland----------22 Tho Tbunderstonm----------------------Thomas Grant------------ 3 A Good S.yinq-------------------------M.rcus Green------------ 4 MllIrstel' An John-----------------------Bee Gl!lss--------------- 11Constmnoplo----------------------- ---,'rhomas Grllnt ---- -------- 5 Two Brothers To New York--------------Marcus Green------------ 5 Sis Goes To New York------------------Thomas Gr~nt------------ 7 The Texan Goes To New York------------W~rren Williams-------~--8 Tho F'ool Goef) ~ro Chicago--------------Marcus Green------------ 9 Two Little Brothers-------------------Nathanlel Jenn:tngs------lO \'ibat Do You vlish I>'or?-----------------Laster Copeland---------ll The Insurance Salesman----------------vlarren Williams---------13 Two Bumw,,,"-- --- ---- ----------- --- ---- --Warren Williams ---- --- --111 Blb,uan6Country Cousins--------------M~rcusGroen------------14 Ma1!SUllI' and John----------------------Laster Copeland----..----16 The Sorriest Nigger-------------------Thomas Grant------------16 'rho B&ld Memory------------------------\'!arren Willh.ms---------17 To Como Through Georgla---------------Thomas Gran<fJ------------18 The Prophet and the Bear--------------Thomas Grant------------18 Hurricane Mary----- ---------- ---------Warren vJilliams ---------20 The Proaoher with A Second Gear Tml1--Warren Willilll.ms---------21 Deaoon An The Hawgs-------------------Thomas Grlll.nt-----------:-22 ~'he Talkin Gov/------------ -- -----._-- --LllI.ster Copeland---------;;!) 'rhe Preachor An Tho Service Bull------Wllrren vlillilams---------23 You COl11e Up Here VJith Me--------------Htlrcus Green-,--"'-------2)~ It .rust F'elt Like It------------------'rtlOmli\s Grant------------25 Don't Be Here ~~en The Mornin Comes---Nllthanlel Jennings------26 The President's Lady------------------Tbomas Grant------------27 Ruler of the Jungle lind King of the mllrtoh-\varren Will:tams-----28 Doctor Told Me Not To Talk------------Wgrren Williams---------30 One Way Street------------------------Thomlls Granill------------31 Another Say:tn-------------------------Marcus Green------------32 The Indian's Dilemma------------------Jimmy MoGee-------"-----32 It's Nover Too Late-------------------Jimmy HoGee---'---------33 The Parrot An The 01 Lady-------------J:tmmy McGee-------------34 The Parrot An The Farmer--------------Jimmy McGee-------------35 Two Texans----------------------------Jimmy McGee-------------36 'rwo Of' Evorythtng------- -- - -- ------- --J :tmmy McG eo-- ----"'- ----"'31(. ~'I!lk of The 'rrctde---------------------Jimmy NcGee---"'---------38 Pret'by Damn Cold----------------------Jimmy NcGee---'---------38 .Tus 1; ReW!lI'd -., -- -- . ------- -- ------ - -- --Jimmy MoGee- -- ----- - -,. --39 The Roostor---------------- ---- ---- --,Jimmy McGee---- ---------40 IDhat Swoot Plcket Fence-------... ..-----Jimmy McGee-------------41 'AnObjeo'b I,esson--------,.-----------~-'rroyDrummond Sr. -------1[2 Trtck of' The Trllde--------------------Troy Drummond St'. -------1[2 Only Human------------..---------------30bn Dobbs--------------43 The Spell:tng Losson-------------------John Dobbs--------------44 mthnio Pllth To Hellven-----------------Troy Drummond Sr. -------45 Dream l"ulfilled -- -- ------ ---- ---------John Dobbs ----- ------.. --116 Transcri.piJion of StJories Laster COrX'l land A Preacher Tale 'rhesa threE" little boys WilS sittin davin shoot,In dice. 'r!1()se three lit,t,le boys sItt1n oul, there shootin dIce, one of em lool<ed up, and the Rev name by. An he ask("d the 11tt,10 boy, say son, would y ' al1 sho'll.me the vlaY \,0 the uh Post Ofnee 'l'hey said damn. l'his Little black fella got up, this oh dumb son a' bItch--- Tape blurred IHc3n,. Direct,s Rev through a series of turns .. and ya mother fucker come to the left, turn and you look dead 1,0 the post affine faee 0 So the PreanheT' made hiD business to come br:wk by thore. Made his businoss to come back there. Ask the lIttlo boy say son, say why don't y'nll get, up an lE)t me show y'all l,he way 1,0 the pos-- the way to the uh- the way to heaven. 'rhis 11ttlc- somo liM,le black boy got up, he say uh how in l,he hell cnn this son of a bitch show us the ,'my to Lh8-r~ show us the 'Ilay t.o heHven and ean1t L1h-- an don't, knO'tr Y/hcre t.ho Godd"rnn Post Ofnee is. h'lrry Copeland Pol ice and the Child One p,'ll',tieulal' (by thc Uttlc boy walk-- the police walked up to this uh.... lndy's house, walk(~d in,.. an her son was sitin in t.he chctir- er;yin. ThO polico walkcd up to t,his little boyan says son, say what you eryin about,'! Say' misl.cr' I can't, toll yuh. He say why'! Say I just can't 1,ell yuh. He say 2 well you bet.t.er st.ol' cryin-- say you bet.t.er S1;01' cryin by the t.ime I get. back, cause if you don't. I'm gon t.ake you t,o juvenIle. The police walked on went. aVlay-- aft,er whi.le he came back. The lit.tle boy '""w still eryin. He say son didn't I tell you say if you wouldn't be- hadn't. stopped cI'yin when I-I got back, I Ivas gon t.ake you to ,juvenile. He SAy yessuh. He say why you ain't, stop eryin. He say I want some pussy. He say 'ifh'lt.'! I want some pussy. He say don'!; you know ~you 01-- too young t.o get. some pussy. Say ~you got. to be twent.y-one years old be fore you get. some PW!sy. lIe say daddy be done ,~t it, 1111 Ul' then. Laster Copeland Whero IS Sister? 1'his here, er ah, this here uh girl She) si.t.in at horne, an er ah, this little boy asked the mail man came. He say where your si"I;'-)1"! She say uh she uh upstail's. Where your manJa? She gan down to seo v,rh8re daddy at.. He say where your sister at, She upsiJa irs-- fuckin. HON you. l<no\,{ she upst,airs fuel<in~ 'Hher her, she said, well rnllm,) always sai.d, mama always said-- she rat,her fuek t.han to eat., nn she upst.Airs a.nd her supr-eran hey' supper- is still on the I,able. Henry CopelAnd WhJ}"L do You 'Nish FoY"; 1'llElre VIas t.heHe t,hree lHt1<e boys and a prnacher, so these Li.M,le hoys and this proacher carne up an asked tJIH-=JHl say lit.tle bo;y, say what ;you wish foy',! lIe "ay I wish for that yellow Cadi lIne over there. Thin ol,her l:LM.le boy say I winh for this hlack Cad:U Jae overt,her'e 0 'I'hi" et,her :I:i !;t,le !>0J' sHy 1- uh-"tlH nay I I'rin!> I had 11 whole buneh-- till the hair on my hend. Ho say wlW ',you vdr;h t.hat."? He say, he Gay' nh sa;y my fd:itcl" got. n patch of hah' down here (holds ecot,eh) > an Ghe OVllW all t,wo of UlOm CadLl.lao[lo 3 'l'}WJ1las Grant 'rhe ~'11.und8:cfJt,ornl you know~, uh- <JlWCJ was :in th(~ ()ountry you know- uh-' in t,he eount.ry; you lmo'll and t.he couni,ry don't" don't. ()ourt lil<e they do 1'101'0 you lmmv. An uh- t.hIs guy he waB goIn to noo h:ls girl friend you know, an it was jU8t gettin dark you know, boca use ho fiu'mod, an he took;) shower. 'Hell it was Gamin up t1 cloud you ]UIO\'{-- it wns l:.hundorin 8n ltght.cnln, it vms summert,:ime you know e An ub here you might eull it p~l.Ssin E'~w-- but. Ulon t,hey t,alk about l'al'tin, you Imovl. You had to j'ad" you know, Uh- so uh hEl hnd t.o shit 41 You l<nmv, an you knmv nn he \'/<"18 afrnid tJC) stop nnd shit -in fJhe woods, eaW3Q it. mi!3ht r'.~lin you. l<nO'N.. l-k-~ just vwit, till he get.s on down t,o hl-a eir1 friend' n house. Do he got down to h18 gi.rl friends house G V{ell the mother- she he sitt:in there you know, she's eavcsdroppin, you know, tl'yin to understand what you're sayin y()11 know. So ho got in the house an he I s ashnmod to ask 1)0 go tlO t.he bahhroom, you know G So he saId seo boy, say he had t.o shit, bad you kno", , An uh he just saId to h:ls.'1elj' well uh next, time it com" a bIg roar, of' thunder 1'11 ,just. farl'. you knoll, an ma;ybet.hat'll get it. off'my shoulder. Boy:U come a big loud burst, oj' thunder. So he" let hIs f'art O\xt,-- l'oomt 'IIell, it started 8I1K>1J.1,n, you know, bout, t,I,e house bein all tho- all 1',1'1" door's closed an all. An ub, we'll ho sl1\ol1 It. hIsself, So he lool",d IIl'ound Ill'. t,he girl's rnother an say" OOO()- that sure 'NtlS H terrlble roar of thuu(lel' wadn1t it,o Sho say Jrell and it, mur:ti have r;t.rnck GOInC shit houf;e somewherE) or nother. II Marcus Green A Good Sayin' There wns this rich man you 1m01. , he uh- he WHS walkin round uh lookin over his land this particular mornin, an uh well his fat,her'd died an left him you soe. An he walked arouncl an turned up on a turd 0' shit you know. He said t,o hisself lunrnm, it, didn't, look Uke no blnek man's shit you know uh he uh decided t,o say this I Who in the hell waS that, damnation, That shitted this tur'd on my pa's plantation. Now I don't like it a Godd;;tmn bit, Now you eUher buy this land or move that shit" That's H. Bee Glass Marstor An John You right,7 Long time a"o-- I was a little boy-- I was on the farm, long.the time of slavery. Long er-- The old 01'- land wns worked vlith M:lrstor I.e callcd',hhl\. He got 01 big John !m ["oi, him wrapped in chnin an everything else, n11 tied up with another black bull !md he snatched the chain in i,here, he say whaiwwe gon do wit,h it,'! I say Vie 11, I vmdn' i, big enoUllh"t,o say nothin, an 01 John my daddy say 1 Imm. whaL to do with it,. He say, bossrnan say get my old lady-- You!' old lady uh- uh- uh- a ,.hUe pretty uh- skirt, a dress an I want that whtete stallion you got. i'lhen you t.:te John around that post an I eome t,hr'ough here this cvonin about ft.ve o'clook ,John gon got. away from that eh'1in-- You bettor believe thot. 110 '",ent an he co))\o hack he got; II shirt on evor.ything sharp as the tael<, evorythinr: an he eomo bacl<. Como thr'ough :,th'lt woods-- that. st,allion just .flyin eVGry\vhere. 'i'hat snatch was 1110\'lin wooo whee. Hot ,do mighty knows-- lie jumped down an hit t.he old lady Jumped up from tha ehain he 10f1; I;hero-- How bout that ladies an gentlemen that's the best, I can do. Thomas Grant Const,anop1e Uh this Ivas down home a1:w in the country, you knolY, well uhm- this guy he sharecropped ,you knoVi what, sharocroppin is an uh, he lived on a farm, 'lIel1 his, back then that. was horse and buggy days. Well his boss--, he had a white horse and a bu[',[,'Y an he c(llled this horse (Jonstanople (sic), ','!e11 t;hls colored guy he,. couldn't t.hink of th!lt big name like tlll1t Constanople. An uh so every Sunday the boss he would go pick up his 1',11'1 friend 'md t,~p his horse when he got; up in the buggy, tap hIs horse say get, uo there Constanop1e, \'Iell thIs coloT'Cd guy he '/wi;ched him about. two 01' three weekends so hell he's gon maim 8urO-- I ,:ot thHt nmne deHd pat now, "0 the next, Sunday he sat in tile a 1ley wi1;h th" old Illule;- he borrowed a mule, hHd, a bugl;y, fen in the alley to pick up Ilis gid friend, ~'!cll ho'd done had t,,/o OJ' threc drinks o~ liquor, an uh ho couldn't t,hink of Const"qnople, 00 v/hen he pieked his girl friend, un in the h""gy, he junt on:.lp Ilis horse heh-h,'h, he eouldn' t. t.hink of Const~nople, ~nct hp n9Y got. up t,here'll\itit;b tho Gaek st.andin wide opon e M~rCU8 Green Two BroLhers '1'0 New York Thi.s is i;wo brot,hers ub, they'd worked hrD'd all their life, they livod in t.he eounl;ry, you Imou uh, I;he:v alwayf; had wanted to se:: this hig ctty t.rmy call New Yor(ut. An [,hey daddy, he promised t.hem t.hat. uh when Y'all beeome t.iv",nty-onc, say uh, daddy gon send yc1'a 11 to New Yook 1;0 soo tbe bright light.s, You kno'l/, You knoVi t.ho t,all buildings !lnd everythjnf~, an m~n t.hey Impt, workin hard an f:ln"ll1.;y, t;hey becmne t.l'louty-one, you knOll, twins Hnd uh, "lnd uh, when t;hey bocome t,'"mt.y-one t;hoy got. no happy flay d,,,ldy-- S"ly we 1;ivenl;y-one 6 and Vfe want La go to NOI'f York. Daddy you promisod us this. He wan a poor man, he vms a poor man an, dtrIn't havo too much mone,\,-- He said well ,"ll I eM' do it uh-- give you boys a round l;rip t.ickeL ut there and back. Said you see the eity and eome bllek in onD week. They s,"y yllssuh daddy yassuh we ",ppred,"te that-- We .just want,fl go to New York. .so he done all. this you know thcey vfent to New York eity eaught the train thei'e went to Now York. Thoy got there and stood in front of the Teresa Hate) 1 ;you kno'ff. Time bhe;\' goll off' t.he traln ln New Yock. So ho said oh my, my-- the tall buildlngs overyHJing's up tight man. It was fl beautiful eity .1usL like they s!l:i.d it. woul.d be. Oh this is love 'y, so while they \vas standln there, br'agin bout t,he buildins in New York in driVelS a Cadillae C,gr you know, wHh a fino broad in t,her'3. I"rench poodle dog and all t,hat An uh, tboy said Aw man good God Almighty, what I vlOuldn't do to got l;bat" An tho other'n said man yeah she sure is rine~-GodclHmn ahe's f~ne, SAy shi.t, lid sure like to havc"3 somo of that.. ~he ft,otJ out. or tho CR.l' an sl:':1n1 the Cndillac you knOlv-listenin to 'em. She get upsLairs to room 310-- sho ring rOl' tho ]lellboy, to corne upstairB you know, and ,them negligoes an all t.hati. Say go down there an toll one of Ilhoso damn fools to Dome up heTo. Say "he knew t,hey was from the dnrnn eountr,\,. e,o t.be 11011 boy went. bad< out y,ou know, say hoy. If hey Is st.t'lndin out, t.here still br3gg:1.n, both oj' om. ~)ay nwn one of you g\WS, that lady in that, Cadillao rir,:ht t,b"re sho I'fnnts Lo SOD one or you guys in room 310-- one 0' you guys. AVf mAn Goddamn go on dO'llrlLhore and Sf)o I/{hat she ~mntB. Nnw, you go big bro1iher. Hell no I ain't, eoin nOWhE:H'U. Go on up I;horo. (;oddarnn YOIl scarod'! Say shit, we]] O. K. you r:on wait on me, don't loaY<, me nOVf. 0carorl you know nt'st timo :i.n Now York. '11011 tbo big brother says Vlo11 Goddmnn, I'm goin on up thoro and soe '''Ihat, l;hat bit,eh 7 \'mnt", He went, on up t,horo you know an go up to room )10 an tho chick open the door in a ncg1igee. He say Naw man, No'm. Say uh- I'm In the wrong room. She say nnw come on in. Gome on in. Say nooo, he 11 no1 ~-;he looked out there you 1<11011 from the side of his eyo, ho say 1 ' m in the wrong room mam. Shc say Gocldamn you fool come on in, corns on in. oho almoRt h~d to pull him in. So uh finally she up enticed him to corne on in there, finally she oloso the dear, say I heard Y'all downstairs ther'e braggln on my Cadillac car an m:v pee,lle dog, an hIs brother vlMJlmn the meantime downstaIrs pacin an a wait.ln on hIm you see to come back, \Vorrled about hIm, I guess an he stay up thol'e about thlX't,:V mlnut,es you knovr. AneX' a while his broj;hor gO(-)S b~\ck downst,airs there, thc) other brother vmlt on h:\.m say (Jodddmn man where In the hc)ll is you (Joddamn boen these f:l.fteon or twenty mi.nutes. I been scaX'(~d- started to r,o home an tell daddy. He say man :\'ou knolV what, that, vlhore told mo'! An his brol;her say Vlhat'i If I suok her Goddamn cock, she gon givl'. ml'. ten dollars and that qOddamn Cadillac:. And t,he hrot.her S1l id nay what [In you dirln't do it'l Hr', sa,Ys shut your mouth 'm get in, Si.s Gom3 To New Yo:ck Yeah, you krlOl" 11h Wfl had a Japge J'iJmUy, you kno", my fBI;h"p didn't have tlOO much money, Y'ou IUlO',',', and mother ...l::l,dn't able Lo Nork cause, you kno'l, how ho k"frt hel' pregnant, aLl t.ho t.imo. An 3n, "0 f1mll.ly wo hnd rill aunl; 'Ibo livod i.n NeVI YOY'k. An my diJddyl;old my aunt when he gd, some money he gan send my older sister up th(H'(~ to see an auntie Well hell, dnd.11y didn't knO'ir "hero she Liver], all ho Imow Wlln nho lived in New or'k. lie didn't know, vrhat. damn P'll'to. I\n um, finally, he gott,n hold of a lit.tle pleee of money, he got. a :ineome tax oheck back. An my s1"to1' anked him t,hon B about goi n t.o New York. An daddy ;just gIve the the money t,o go on 1;0 the bus s tat:l.on CIllW" she '/lHnt"d to r1qo the bus you know. An she eome to the bus station so ShH told t,ho lndy she VUUlnH t.:i.eket to Nnw Yor.k. lfho lndy say what. part'" 'he say I don't. know", She n,':l"j' it got tb be some part. l/rul:l give me [1 tiekct for Elophnnt., New York. EH1C lookud nn ] ooked un madam wa can't. find Elephnntb, NCI,'l York here. E)hc; s:d.d ye:th I l<noN it.s Jo:l("phnnt" j~cw Yoyk. :Jo the lad;y ehecks, she S8Y no vm got New York CUy, we got, Bronx, we [(ot, Br'ooklyn, VlO !;ot Port l1ookawn.y, Ive got Buffalo. Said H. might he Buffalo.' She said woll just give me n ticket for BUffalo, he 11 I know itiG one of t.hom damn big names ~ Warren Willicunn Okay, thIs 1s bout t.h1s glr.ythaVd nOVlor been t.o Novi York. lIe's from TBXtlfi", Uuy 'Look <Jnd v(ont, up t.o Now York. lNent.:tn thin htu', New Yo:r'k eit.;y .. Had n buel",t of shIt In one h,md, a cal; Utv.lOY h1n arm and a .11S on hin ,Lidc. ','}ent in 1.:.hcne, he SHy bart,ondorl Set, me up n double t Bart.ender' givu him a douhlc-'~ chook a hit. off t.he Uoddmnn 'l'"lL, shot. in t,he bucket of shit., nh.lt flewl everywhere, 8vorybod;'j't 8 duuJd n. Bart,endert ~)8t me up nnot.her double. Bartender s"t. him up anoj,her double. Goddamn [lit. off the cnt. Shot, in the bucl",t of shit.. Shit. fl;yl..n ovo)'YVlhere~'- people a dueld.n. Uartender, net, me up ADot,hcr doublH t Bnrt.ender say 1001(v hore mi~,)tbr nay I don't mean no h~u'm, HflY but what. I. wanta know is wh;y you order a drink of liquo)', then you shoot. in that. bucket. of shit, l,here, and b1.te offlJ I;hal, o} ca t. tIo say we 1.1., say 1'11. te 11 you. he says I'm f)'om Tex;ls, Says they t,old me all t,he people 1.n NeVI York do is drink llquol', oat pussy, and shoot. shit .. 9 Marcus Green 1'~001 Goos '1'0 Chicago Now this is flbout fl country boy you knovl, workin hard you know, in the fields flU everyl,hing, !Jein on a farm an he'd never been i,o the big city', He \vanted to go to Chicago. find out whf\t was happenin you know, go see the girls Hll get him fl piece of csri. lie vms t"18nt,y-one years old, an his daddy deei.ded to senltl him t,o Chicago, to uh, get him a piece of fl"'S. So his daddy only had a round l,rip ticket up there an a couple of' huclw for you know, to spend-- poor man. ~)O he Vl8nt, to New X-ork, ~r,ot, down on the corner. 21st an South Park. Used '~o the guys on the corner', they vms hep you knoVl. lhey knew you ':ms from the count,ry, Sf\ io hey man, SflY look everythings a 1yo; I,ht, SflY where C,1n I huy me a piece 0 I' pussy flt. 'rhey looked at him say he don't knoN nothin, say aw man go up 1,0 53rd St, anywhore you knOll in them houses, You e3n buy you a piece of pussy cheap. He didn't have but i,wo bucks in his pocket yeu know, didn't nobod,Y know it, but him. He goos up '53rd Sl,. !wd knocks on (Marcus knocks on table) on thore an this 'Ilhoro she h,1dn't, ,wloe a bill you knoVl in abou'l, three months, you know she was old and hndn't mnde [) bill, but he W[lSn't, used to it,. She look at him ano told him say, come on in an uh, she say what, do yuu want'! He say I vmnta buy me a piece of pussy. Say oh my goodness 'Jhe want,ed some cigaret.tes, ld.ndll half wanted him too, und all t,hat. Bad lool<in "hick, but he didn't know it, he's a coun~ry hoy. ~,h8 sald oh m,Y, my, you eam(~ '~o Lhe right place. Sn;v sit dO\'ln, you know, She sit down in the 1ivin room and she went hflel< lnto t.he hael< and ehanged inl,o !l negligoe, you kno'li. Old style s'~urr and cnme baek and sit heside him. Say young man, say now tell me how much money do you have? He says I hadn't r;ot but two dolJ.Rl'S. 10 What? two dollars. 'fwo dollell's, my, my how dare you insult me this way. Comini n my house with 1;110 dollars. lie says well I guess I h1ve to reo somewhere else an buy me some pussy. You don't want make no salo, and started out t,he door. ~;he grabbed him come back in here, wait. a minute, I'/!lit 8. minute. She she wanted t,hese dgarettes you kno'lI, a little focI. Say I tell you what I'll do, instoad of lettin you fuek me for t,'II0 dollars., 1 'm gon lot you fuek mte in tho aSf). He said that I wan-- all r \'Ianta do is get, my Idek. All I \'Iant do is i~ot my kick. They got in the bed, there an starLHd to fuckin. Hfl uh he got in tlhe nSG hole an 11". got ldndH grirll;Y r'lnil greasy lik" you know slimy. An nlipp.d out of heY' ass hole rir,ht in her pUGS;Y" l~nd she look HI) to him nn say I-I SAY, t.ake it:. out.. of that. two dollar hole and put it hack in that dollar hole. Nathaniel ,Jennings Two Lit.tl0 Llrothe1's Say once thero 'llaS those t,wo little hrothorf'i, t,hey was same ono I ~1 you WU7, l;alkin about a 'Ilhile ago. 'fhey lived on a farm too. Blurred tape-- grown he was gont3ke em j,o New York. Well thoy was stupid you know--(blur:('ed) Due to a rnalfunc\,i on of the rfJeordor or t.I1" O!XJl'Atm,1 s errol' i,he text of' t.hi.s joke vms blurred beyond reeugnl1,lol1. great. bip; 01 bin ck b'J11 was out, thoT'e. ~;o he !,ot. a ('tor em, they was r'unn:i.n down t,ho rnilro8d !,y'rtek. clo t.ho b,ig brol,her reaelmd find f;r,,hbc,d the bull by t,hc heml you krlo!l. c. rid the 11t.tle by'ol,hor hung on by the t.rLll. Thoy VU1S .just, runnin Hnd runnin t.hat bull was c1raf':r~hl the hell out.. of em. SO), finally the bull h"d t.o shit you kno':I. " nd l:lt,t,lo brother h'Jngln on t.h" t.nil you know. H(-} rench up tbex'E nn say hey bit{ hl'o-Lher.Jji[_~ brother snys yeah tlt.tle brothel' 'IIhal; is iL-_--(pUllCh ,,1[.'0 blm-rod. 11 Lasher Copeland Wha t Do You \'l:iGh F'o:("? (Last.er- wished to rehaf.ih this joke in h-J.s oNn unique st-y'lo) These t,hreo liLl.le boys 'Ilnfl sit,tin down t.here this :3un-,-, one Sunda;y mornir!, Hov eCllne lT~l an or 'hev scJ.;Y nh son, lJolv y'all doin -~his mornin<) '1'ho.\' wdre gamh1in, an er he S;lY, this 15tl,le black tion 0' bitch. I tJhI'm doin all right. Kept gamblin. Lleven, mo\,ber-fueker. lIev went on do,"fr) l:.ho streot.~ -';':'Ient on down the nttl'oet, cC\m8 baek o Say son say, y1all said to be throe nice liht1e boys. Yassuh, we I.ry t,oobn, tbis little ugly black son o'bitch sot.tin down there gamblin. An uh he rw.y 1. wantlA. ask y'a11 a quest,ilion. Yassuh t/his litt.le ugly black son of a hitch got 1'unn.y with him, He say wbah would you wish for son, if you bad to make a ,!ish? You see that big hlaok Cadillac sit-tin over thcre'/ 1. sbore wisbed I hRd it. Thah's a prett,y goon wish son, the nev say, that's a preM.y good wish'.;;on t, h"t' s a pretty good wish, Then he say-- He ask the ohher little boy say son, what, 'lOu1d you wish for :l1' you had to make a .,ish? You see that yellol'/ Cad:l11ac sU,tin over there, I S\1l'e wished 1 had It, Says w n thaI,' s a prett.;v good wIsh,that.'s a pret.t.y good vli.sh, And then he asked t.he ot.hel' IHI,le-- Ulis Lit,Ue ugly mothel'-fucker, black son of a bitch, Ask hIm say son what VlJ \11d YO\1 wIsh for', lie say I just wIshed I was hair'y a11111 over. lie say I washed 1. "ras hairy allover, Son why would you wIsh you IVBl'e hair'y allover, He say, you soe t.bat. yblaok CaclHlac, Yes 1. See it, You see that yellow Cadi,l lao. Yos I see it.. He says my sister own all them Goddamn Cadi11acs ann sho just has one patch of hair down here. 13 Warren VJilliamn 'rho Insuranco Salesman 11m gon tell you bout thb lil,tle bO;l'-- This :insUl'ilfIGO mAn '/lent to hls house, Lived out in l,hc c untry", Knoc!wd on the door, littlt-, boy Gome to the door, yassuh, he says 0 Son say whore's your mother ,~di? He say, oh she diod an went, t,o heaven. lie SIIY son, hoVi ;I'ou know your mother died ;md went to heHVf-:3n? SHy she died prnyin, ain't th8.t t s good onough reasonJ' 'llell sahl yeah, Say well where your fat,her at? l-k, diod an went to holl. Now son how do you kno;,{ that? ,jay ho died eursin, now ain't, t,hat's eootl (~nough reason, and he said yeah o An he s<':!'y well son, t.he,rc aJn't Dobod;y hore but y'on'l He rw,y no, he fiCl.y my fdtter, she's gon down t.here in the woods to get " shot oJ' pussy, lie snys noV! son hO'{{ do you know that? Say well she was wearin pard,s, she came back here and changed an left her dnmfJrs over there on the ehair, put, on a wIde t,a:il skirt, her and her boy friend gon to the woods, ain't that good enough renson't Say, I reckon so. He sny well who else here, he sllY well, my grandmother's here, He say well where your f'.rAndmother ' s at'! He say oh she gon around the house to take a shit. lie say nov{ son novi how you kno'/l that? Say well say she come in hore and gotJ the news"'~ funny Dapers, ,~\n f3he damn sure cantt. read, and she I'lent back round t,he house, ain't t,[,a" good enough l'easonGay the shIt-house Is tn t,he back, Say he 'lay yeah son I rec!<on that 1:3. 14 'IIarren Williams Two Bums 'fwo bums walki.n down the railroad track. Damn train comIn dO'.m the railroad '~rack, An the damn guy on the trnin hadn't never rode t,he '~r~,:ill before an he asked the eonrhwtor where's the bathroom, Never been bathroom on the traI n, Looked at l,he damn to.\.let st,001, thon he s::y damn, s'Jy that look like a sowin tab10, Lookod at ~he Goddamn faee basin sllY damn, thai, 1001<s like where you wash your faee at. So he look up there and tho damn window was down, says tther(-] it J.S. HE~ got. up there in the wind.ow. The so two 01 guys, sittin out. there walld.n on UlE) r.Jilrwd, t,rain passes, that joker haul off an shit and t.he shit hit one of HTIl in the THen. 'r}-mt, jol<er say Goddamn, th,di man thro'l{:] :;Ollle me~Ul Sl,'leet potftt,o ple~3. T,he ot.h(~r fello;'{ say, but did you dig i,he lip" on t,hat ~]()rne of a bUeh, Marcus Groen City and Coun t,ry Comd ns 'l'hese two couEd.n;), you know ,1== :JW poor boys, you knoVl, blnhk people poor bOJ'f) , YC)u knuu that had t.hon Gouninn. Any way t.hey lived i.n the count,:ry ;you know, two of c:ll1, and ::3n;y t.we Gous:irw in t.he cit.Ye jJ.'t'J mtltl t.he:y WAS rieh ~)(-)e lived fine, t.lv':3(-) 'couGins , fiO ah each .vefn' y'ou know t,hny would vis:U, (~H ch ot.h(")l' , you know for vacFt t, lon, you know. So uh tildE; Tnt rhJeular t:i me, t.his })!lY't.lcul:.\l't t.llTl(~, yLJlJ know, comu vn.cnt.ion th('~ c\. untry' boy wnnt 1:.0 see thH cous'ln in t,ho uity.. An evol'y thi.ng' uh the c:I.ty ho;)' done,. I'nl tired of this mothor'~,fuckEH~ comin UD hcn'o tln w'ol"ry me, ;you kno>'{ how GOUninfi do, t.h8Y make out theyUke :i.t. hut, hell damn om, Goddamnern, he e"n't. get t.ogether right on all t,h.'lt 'HI lei.ok him in tho Goc1danlll nose, Glo'Ni.n an gain on th"I,1,; t.ho Wi!J' t.hoy do t,hcelfi mot,her-fuclmrs comin np here. 'l'hDy 'II 'II01Ty l,he hell ant of yon. No mon I'll t.ell yon Vlhl1l,. SI1;\' WD gon play" triek on (om. U;voryt,rdnt; we gon do Goddamn itl they go do it. lNe bu;y ;). now pair of hho8fJ I,hey']l dodt., 1'10 buy a new snit. l,h(3y'll do it, buy [l noVI alig-- eopJ' Ollt., eopy e,1I" dumb son of hitelms. We'll fix Dm. Well big br'ot,hDl' S.3yS, Gocldmnn leave it to mO a 00 "they found a ride yon I\nO'I1 t.o t,he city 1:.0 visit t.heir' cousin. Oh bt g brol,her' got, the ot.he'l' big brol.hcr from t.he counl,ry, Ilnd got togel,he r. Say he;y m1n I'm f',on take yon for a wa lk t.oday. Say 1'm gon fool t,his son of bttch you know, gon make a fool out em. lin say whore ',W gain, sa"j' \'/011 we just gon I'falk around hown, now, do sDmething, you know, IJo amuse our m:indse lle stopped in a dmnn (h'l1rl,[iLol~e, say he i'mnt (JrJ Rpplo., the GOUni'l.Y boy, hfJ want. " apple t.oo. He [Jay damn thIs Son of a bitch. ~3() uh hc:~ went on down to the h(~er joint, bought. him n kinesi2,O Budweisor, the cousin bour~ht. ;) kingsize Budweiser too, he say Mother-fuekero iln thin "lJime he say'S to hisself, more or less, didntt wanta hurt. his Gousins feelinn, 80 he went out ~ Goin down tiO the bar you know", an order me ~_ Goddn.mn hen poot,. 1,0 hisself. I got.n dovm to the man yon know, bart,nnder, he knnw him, say hD say he eH.y guy he 'JC'y hoy t.here, say fix me up. The eount.ry beW lookin he1re tryin to find out what. ViaS happenin. "ny what. you vrant baby. Sa.y I vrant some hen poot.. You know like that,. l"heshem e.'\rly' in t.he mOl'nin, it. vmdn't. t,welve o'clock. Say what. you want. baby, say this b my eoust,n from dovln sout,b, say hn 'Imnts a hen poot.. He whispers to t.hn bartendnr you Imow, to fix him up a rot.t.en egg. So he sat t.here pa\,ient.ly Vlai-tin, and the hart,ender come bacl,<,say t.he fresh hen poot dO'l1n sout.h. Cit.y bo;\, t,l'at, 01 rott.en egg down, sout,h t,hat. eount,ry boy, he say t.here a n load, didn't. know what t,hey were doin. City boy he t.akes his hen poot you know, 'HId tast-DS it. Goddamn t.his shit's good, so earl" in the mornn, hmrmJUIl. The country 16 boy l<.>ok at. him Rnd say Hoddamn what.' s t.his mother-fucker doin. IU'1;er1 while t,he counLr;y hoy got. hin hen pooL up you Imoa nn looked at it, son of a bit.eh, Goddarnn, says hoy cuz, SHY what ;you say tlhis was? E3ay hen poot, sny hen might a poot.ed in yours, bul, Goddamn if he didn't shit in mine. Last.er Copeland Marsl,er and John This is th:in t.ime that. Lhis uh John had b"ss had t.his eolored gu,Y V/orkin for hIm. An he l1ad-- he had two guyn. Had John an another guy. So 01 Miss he told John went out, t,here an l;olrJ-- told oh M~'l'st.er an uh nhe said an uh Johhllw8nt out, there an told him, say uh-- you know I peeked up under 01 murster' s dress yest,el'duy morn1n. He say, He say, say you ,lid. Brother John told thIs other feller workin for him soy ye"h I peeked up under hel' dl'ess. And then he went out, there, she VIMi settin on t,he norer' that, mornin. 01 mis was sUtin up there, an he went. up there an }>2eked up uncier her dress. en M:u'st.ex' beat, l,he Goddamn shit. out. of hIm. Heal; his damn ass, like to kiJ.led Irim. "nd t.hen you know what; he saId. And uh John, t.hought you 1;old me you pcelmd up under 01 Mul's-- 01 MIsses dress, he said I t.old you i'ras, I didn't, tell you it wan h:Jngin on t,he IJne o The Sorriesti Nigger This here U7, :in the eountry also. GettIn back to sharecu'oppin. An uh-- uh, they WIther erop nnd uh t.l'lo,'lhite men was up t,own br-"ggin about" ono of om' s brrq~gin about, SHy my nigger l s sorrier t.hni~ yours. ~3HY now uhnn uhnn, nooo-- my nig.:~er's sorrlel' th.!:lll yonrs. So t.ho;y de(dJh~(l t.hnyts a l:i.ttlc :HOO.oo apIece bet thero. ~)ay wont, on down there at the rirsL one t S honGo, nn there sot. one of thcm out. thero whitt,Lin on rt st.ick. 00 the 17 bOSG said, nC)1JI watch t.h:is., Vtat,<:h how sorry he is, he s::tid John, say you did r,oo<] t,his yeIH', [wy hero's you twonty dolbrs here. He saId ljust ]ay It dmm boss, t,he "rind 'll. blo\" it over hero atter while. Gentlemen lookHd up ali him an say dHnm, nigger damn sure i.s sorry ain't they. Other' one fW;YS nhit, you ain't $aHn mine yet. ~'jHnt on dOi"ln t3 littile furt,hcr, her8 the other1n sit,tin on the stops cl'yin. Lhhhhhh, mnunmmrnm o He SAy what's wI'ong ~'litJh you. He st/lll ery:in. I fjaid what'::::; wrong i"lith you Charley. Hels still el'yin. Charley Go:1dnmmit, I s."y what;'s wrong with you. lie say my nuts hurL lIl He B:J.,Y what..'s wy'ong I'lith Oln$ I'm a sitt,in on emo NoV{ you know that was H sorry niggex'. Warren Williams 'fho Bad Momory ,'foIl uh, let's soo nov" I'm gon tell you somothing bout this gu;,' had a bar! momor;,' 0 Everyt,bing he did he wrote down in a litt,le addx'oss bool<. Ono day, "talkIn down t,he street; a n"m 'Jay, hey he said, don't. I 1m,,", you? 1. don't know. lie saId you ever been to D''',l'o11,'! lIo said I doli't 1<no','{ lots soe, DetroIt, Detroit., oity, cUy, vacatIon, vllcal;Ion, undel' the V, undc)r the V. He sairl yHS I've l)(~en t.o Det.roltJ. Man says by the way Bince youts in DetroIt dId you by tho way moet. a lady by tho nnme of Mrs. 131'01'111' He says Mrs 10 Brown, female, fornalo, under the :l!', under the F', Y'HS I met a :Lady hy tho l'l'lme or Mrs. Brown, lIo says did you have an "ffair with Mrs. Brown? He say affaIr, afDd.r, undor A, under A, yos I had an affah' wi.th Ml'o. Brown. lIe s,,;ys GoddammIt, I'm Mrs. Brown's husband and I don1.t, lIke it. Ho SHy opinion, opinwon, under the 0, undor t.ho 0, he sa;y an I didn't eI.llher. 18 rro Corne 'i'hrough Georgia You knoll hOH guys eome from the Eal1l\hal'llio'f:hl3"n'6'!',th., and they like to comH through Ge orgla, you know bec[\unc c[\ \ltW --t.hoy [\1roady he 0 rcl hON VI" liv:in down }x~rE~, cause tho;y like to come thronrr,h an see ;YOll knovl" An uh this guy, ,",hoy had a dHt.eur, an he's goin to Florida, nB so he doeidod ho'd run 3!J1, I'Jell t,hey lmd a bridge onto the re ,ond l,he;'l had a detour,. nn he got off tJhe detour, ,'J,11 messed around an goij lost.. An a littl(~ colored boy in tho field plollin, well t.hH boy w!.lytle-t.onguod, you lmoll he couldn't, talk good, couldn't talk plain, an they dHcidedto stop an ask (,he IHtie fellovl you know, how to got baok cn thE' detour. An he told him where he vmntodto go cond "n con the lUi,le fellovl S~JYs, yessuh, I'11 1,011 you what to do, said you go dov1l1 here, bout anot,her mile, you do it, to her t,o the 10ft. You go a little furt,her, an you do it. Lo her to the wight. The guy iooked at, him, you go on a little further em thon you do it, to or to (,he left again, an you go about, anothHr mile an you still do it,to her. He says wait fellah, say 1 got, 1fI,1( wife in the car h'H'e. That colored fellah says I don't, give a damn who you got, in tho e?r, yOU stHI got to do it, to er. Thomas Grant, 1.1he PI'ophnt and lihe Benr You kno\,( how some of em come hero an call t.helrselvf:ls prophH"lis, you know an all. lie pnJ\;ondod bn hadn't ever been down south, and he wanta Gamo down hore- he wunt/n find out, how they t,reat Negl'()(:,ls down 1'101'8& "0 he came here, an he stopped in a lit,tle country town around Sandnrsvi 1.1.0.. And uh he told ever,,! body who 1m wan, he wan Prophet, JonAs, and all that an uh he \'ms here, to i.nvestigate how they treat, Negroes hero. lNcJrybody' s shakin his hand an all, and he says we II 1 'm gon run down an look a \:, tho ehureh an an, I heard y ' al1 got, a run down, run dOVin church an all an I'm gon run down tin look :1t :it,. An uhm, t.here wa~) a fJhort, GUt. :vou know, somo~ body showed him hC>VIho take {,ho shOl't.eut, on down through 11 lit,t,le p~Jt,h 19 [\nd throu.)"h somo \,{oods <t 'Noll ho run by 8011K~ 01 big shot, whili0 folks houso an they had ,\ big be(H' :in t,he e",)',e the1'o. 01 blade bear 1.n Lh', ea!,,, so he got his Bibl0 out an went up an spoke to t.ho bear an pNlyed for' him, he {,hought t.he bear I'm" a Negro. He said umm-unnnm, I hOIlrd abont how Lhoy treat. ya'11 down here, just look at, y'a11, just look at. my brother, say t,he;v got, yon in a eage, t.hey won I (; even let you nhave, say I'm eon pray for you, naJ' 1 'm gon sure tell God about. you. 01 bear so he 's settin up-soh,') got his lliblc ou1; an px'ayed dlor- -prays a praye I' l'o~ the bea r you knmv, sULl thinks the bear H Nngro, you know. An uh, t.he ladins, t,hey Vias sitUn on the porch, 1;hny ain I t, sai.d net.hin. An he got t,hrough prayin for the hoar, and he said well let me shv.ke ;y'ouc hand brot.her, caUSe 1 1m fixin t.o go, eaw:Jo Pm gon Ghore tell God aboul; you, I'm gon G\l1'e t.ell em hew t.hey h(c)(~n treat.:i n ,you dOl'/n hore, an he held out, his hClnd. Woll t.he olhoar, he Gtuek up ono 0 ' hls pawG, an the 01 heal' he put. a doath hold on h1m. He Gf'J' well I'm gon sure t.oll God Hbout. you, I dono .sent. Up:1 prayer about you,;bl'otJh~~r$ H(~ say wel] lot. me go noN brot,her, 1 get 1,0 ge. 'l'ho 01 heal' Gti.ll hod a hoI\:' on t,o him you knoH. He sayn ;jlwt look at YOll, t.hey ~'{onlt, lot. you uhavn, won't eVAn let you take n bath,. an Vlon't even lot you chn.ngc clotihun, an f~Ot. ~you in tl. Ctl({C down here, nay I hnard t.hit" 1 1m gan 3uro tFd.l God about you, let me (l;o l:'(rLhc-H", I got! t,o go llOU. The 01 bnD.f' still lv-to a hold ont.o hJm, nn kop\:' on dl'aggln him bilek, [H, so 1'lnc'lt,1;v, an finan.,V, t.he boax' "t.umbled, nn t.he Hov gott.n loonc<to Well tho Hov gottn loonc nn fell w::~y ll{tck,. 20 say 01 Hev looked at tk,;; dml1n bon!', ,m tho Hov said, saId now looky hero, say they did OWll'Y dnmn thing they 811 Id Y 011 did, sa id [ aIn't gon t,811 God a damn thing About you. Warren William" Hurricane Ma:ry Let mo toll you about this truck drivo:r, truck d:r:; VOl', 'HI ho' S 11.)1 round Columbia, South Caroliua. Had been on the road about t.hl'ee weeks hadn't had a shot of stuff in !l long time. He pull in t,o Golumbi.3, South Carolina, pull up t,o a pump, Hey, guy's standin on a corneY' SI1;VS hey m;ln, say how do 1 get this m,qn rt shot, of pussy. Say I .iuut got, to hf:\vC me n woman. Said well you got any money, Say yeah, I got some money. He said well O. K, I'll tako you to her. 0a;v you go up there to t,he first, oorner down there, an you make fl rIght, ;md you go to the first big white house you get' to on your 10 ft" an go up there fln lmock fln ask for Hurricane Mary. Sn tho ;jokeY' he wont on down t.hero an park the truck out, thero, an got, out, of the truck an went up there an knocked on tho door. Lady como t.o the door an say, I ~vanna see Hurricane Mary (t .she says you got any money. He S,"\"'8 yo,~h, ,on throws a toen dollar bill on her. Come on in. They went, on on up thone in tho bed. Joker started whoppin that. thing out thero, the wom'll1 ;just started poetn allover' horse]!f. An he said Goddamn woman, say what, 's wrong ~'{1d. youf? She said you E'vor seen <1. hurricane wid out Hny 'Nat,er? H" scratchod his hoad, star1.ed baek whali.n her again. She just. started fal't,in liko hell. He nays Gocldarnn woman, na,Y Wh'3t's wronr; wid yOIl now~ Sho says you over seen a hurr1tJ'lOo \'1Hhout any wind'/ l'h1s jOkOl' Beratched his lmad ngain, an looked at her nn flays rH.1W$ Howas marl. then, he \'U\8 .was just; t,ryin to knock the bot'00lfl out of.' it,. All of a suddon, she ;jw,t 21 start,ed shi.tt,in allover the place. He Gai.d Goddnmn woman, say what's wrong wHh you now~ She say:'",you ever seen a hur'rieane wi thout any mud? This ,joker ~o:l>atehed hts head, got up, went, to pllttin on hin elothes. gettin ready t.o leave> She said say Goddamn man say what I 8 wrong wid you? He Bays baby say 1 'm gon have to eateh yOll 80mco other time, say the Goddamn weather's too rour,h for me today. War['en Vii lliams The Preacher Ylith A ~;eeond Gear Tail O. K. No'll herels one Flbout t.he preaeher, he's vtsltln a sis'f~or, ;vou know buek in th" old chys, hovl); the tke,achens)';used to go around an stay with the sister on Uris weekend, visit. a famD:v on this weekend, eatin up all the Uoddamn chicken an shit,. So this preacher, he went t,o 1,his lRdies house, she showed him every place in the house, 8xceptJ 'where Wf:1S th{3 shit/house ~ She didn't shoY! him t,he shHhouse. That, n11"ht he had to shU" he walked all Un'ough t,he hOll:Je, he walked all outside, he eOllldn't, find ,t.he shithouse. So he dBeidfJddhe hml t,o "hU, no bad, he l'un back in tbe room, grabbed one of the socks, an gon shit; in t.ho seok. He shit, :in the" soek, pulled up I,ho windm'f, the fiOc!< hnd a hole in the t.oe of iii. Slung t.he Qoddamn sock round and round, shit was flyLn rouncl Lbo wall, and slung the noek out the vLindow. Start.er hE) seen w~lat. he done donc~, next rnornin 1ihe sinter come there says Hev nays ho';'J hout your hreakfast'? Leave it outside sifitJ8l" 1 111 get :it. Come thoro ntJout n!i>no 0 1eloek she says, Hev sny I wanta ehJ:mge tho "Linc-HI on YOU1' hed o Lo:J.vo it outsido sistCl' I'll get .it, nome t,welwJuo'clock sn;y Hev here your' dinn()r. Lenvo it outside sistor 1 111 {{ot.. She got wOl'rled there, she doe:ided nhe'd go downfJ'tnlrfi ;In get, hop pass~ke;y, f~o in t.hcre nn :lee \'JhatJts wrone with Hev. Sho \'1ent in Lhox'e, got. horc:pr.wr-;-kc-ly o.n come httek up there, opt-Hied t.he door n says nmnnmmmrnmnnnnnll, look around the '0'10118$0 Hev says sJ.fJtJe r now It 11 pay for *Jll the dHma[!;(-38- r -. She says i'IA"II I don't want you tJo "pay for nothin,. say (J 11 I WcH1ta know is how ;VOU HD I:. ;youX' ant~ in second gear and go shitl~in :cOlmd. my vmlls 0 J)O{1GOll An Tho Hawgs Well t.his is in tJhc count,r~y also o An He vcI'end , tihe Dea(~on used t.o walk by the lloverond'" hmlGo ever;/ mOl'nln an uh, ovory ~;,und"y mornln they'd walk on, \,hey"d tAke the shot't.eut, you lmov' whero \'hoy go thl'oW:h you know, a path yO\~ knO'lI, an t:.hey-td (;0 rln go to ehur'eh t.ogot-,hcr" An uh thin bip: hal'll', pon wrw down thnre, whm.'o thoy w:'Hed, 1m had pl'ott,y good 8IZO h",,!;,, ~you know o An uh, the 01 doaeon, hetd bHen w::tnt,-in to mens 'Nith the hnwe;r;, you know, but. he d i.dn t t. want Hev to know Q [;0 ()nt~ mornin, One Sunday mox'nin llO nay, well hol1 I'm gon fix hint, 1]0 holl l'nl gon ~!.()t re.1d;y n,nd go /:\he;l.d on hf,f'O!'O ho do, I ImOlv bo 'Iwn't, be !'eady whon I gel; by t,ll<n'o. 01 deneon go\' d)'os8()d t.bnt. lIlornln, ,[OnL on hy, asked t.b() nev, I,be Hev SD.;y nm, :lust go nhead b:['ot.hor, I'm not. quito )'"ndy :Ve\" Gay I'll he on shortly. All !'ight, say I'm gon walk on. lie wont on an L:ot down to lobe hmvg pen. H,e looked around an didn't, see nobody fioe, pulled off his eont e'luse he didn't ""mt,a m"ss hiG coat up, pullod hili P{ll1t," off', you know how you dIdn't havel one OI' two damn suit.s in tho count,!'y, you lmO'[f. An uh he got, on top of one of them r.roat bi[~' hnwj{s, 1'10 Vias worldn out,. V~ell Hev got dY'cnsc~d Hn Gorno on in a hurry y'ou know, he didn't thIrd< llov'd be thoro that oad.y. !lev ,just hOo'l1'd the hal'll', holler, so ho just. st,oppod anlookod. Goddamn den "on waG on top 0 1 thn ha'Ng, vms just. workJn outi... 00 Dane happtHllJd to look around an seen Hoverond silnndln there look:i n <~t. him. ~ehe Reverend wont, t,o fWy sOffiothin, i.bho doaeon t-told Hov(orond say, I don 0 to givo C\ damn \'IhM, you 22 23 say, I don't, give a dnnm what, you do, just, don't-tell t,hls damn hnwg to soooec 9 Laster Copoland Now wait a minute~ Ah-= "\ibis WaG one time, dtn dis guy, dis eolored ~~s colored guy vms down t,here fuclctn this cow. An uh he VIas down t,here, an uh he' was lookin around, say donlj, you stick i.,hat big, black thIng i.n me, 'fha.t was, t/hat, W:-JS t.hat, John a-urn bonn '/ItlS up in the tree, say uh, don't you st.iek this big, blaek thing i.n me, and SHod, an he never did see John jumped down an looked around, looked around nobody. Den he r'lnrmn to i.,he housn, an he told the boss, run to t.he hounD, t.ol bm3fJ s::!;\" if thnt eow tJoll you fJl'1y dmnn t.lli.n/" Ghe telEn n (Joddmnn He. Wal'I'E~n Williams Ifhe Pl'cneher an 'rhe SnrvieG 131111 An uh, thet'o was this proaehc~r, he had threo sons, so thn p:ceaeher told his oldest boy say lool{:y hero, say" ;V'ou go <down to Mr .. John 1 s house, toll him bring-- let me UG8 his service bull.. So=- so t/hi.s 0] boy he went down t.here at Mr John' s housn say, day Mr, John, my darkJy want,a une your bul1 to 1.'l1ck OUl' eow, He sny now looky here son, say now you go on bae k home, an te 11 your daddy t,o scmd somebody down here i.,hat known how t,o nsk for somethtn, 'Nell h" sent, hi s middle ''I,e boy clown thor", an uh the middle "ge boy went dOVHl there, 1'10 sny, Ml~o John, say my' dnddy fwnt. rilO c1o'Nn hel'E! t.o borrow your bull tlhn1~ want,1l. fuck our cow 0:> He Stly nol'l looky here son, .s:.~y n<)\'f you go on haek home, an tell your daddy to send sO'f.Bhody dorm heretbat know how t,o ask for sOlllethin. He sent. his Li.1,t,le hal>y "Oy down there, the l:iM,le bahy boy Vlent down t,herc, he say Mr. John, SHY my daddy \'mnta borrow your service bull. He say nO'/I son say no'll you're t,he youngest boy, say you know how to ask for--no'll you know what I'm gonna give you for that'! Say what Mr John? Say I'm gon invite you over t,() the house to h'lVe dinner with me an my daughter. So Sunday eame an they "as there eatin, pot;atoes, had baked potatoos an damn collards an everything you know. He say now- he say l1CW! son, said by the way, said when you two brothers went, baek to t,he house, what did YOlll' daddy do Lo I,hem" He say well you rea) 1y V['.1I1t IrR) to tell you IfJr. John, He say yeah son. He say wenu, say my daddy went, up in the 101't, got one of Ulern old seasoned goat, dieks, put, knots on his ass big as them sweet potatof)s on th., t.~ble. He s'w Goddnmn, you go home too, Mn.reus Green 'You Come Up Here '!IUh Me 'n,is old j'lo](-leg preaoher, you know, when I 'liM; oomin up around our nwLghborhood, I was young an everyl,}dnf~ wat,chin, wouldn't, 'Iforth a dmlln, Jes had the ne ighhorhood foo lod you know, an uh ho prea ohed X'ef) 1. good. 'rhis particul.HX' Thursday, he prenehed ::.l gOOr1 sermon, :)11 we \"mnt on home you know, an promised us t.hat. 0\lnday lf weld COlHH to chur.ch, ho WHn gon let all of Ul::l know who we waS', you seoo So uh t/hia pnrtJcul.,!l.r 5nndn;y you know, all Eoti bbn:cp an 8v8I'ything an went to ehureh t.o find out., you know what I'm \'Ia:0:3 u I wan nltt.i.n :thf:~rQ ;you l<tl()l/l, all Uf; sitt.ill tJhero, an t.he Heverend f)::1.yfi 1. Gin~ t. gon call no pnct.leul:tl' rvuuen, brat/her hout. t.ho n'lHlO, we W:H.l sit.t,in therc~ .... He s(J.y now ttll ;yon mothor'=fucker'~:j, ;~aYD get. oven' t,hcre, bl1>(:HH-ls, that. t,hour~ht. thc)y was norm of lLitd}(:~G, they got, in t.he wif{lrl;'-~hnJ1tl cornel'o Ho "ny nill. you bastal'ds, sit. [,horo in the mi.ddlc. All the hnst,nrds, people UI0Uf~ht. they wns bnstrn'ds, thoy sot. there in t,hu middle 0 I vms 8i t,-L"in [,he!'e lookin liko a qodclmnn fool, J. didn't Immv whnt I wnn. He say n(m :'11111 you :..i1SS10S, get, up an jump up~ I stnl't.ncl 1jo ;jump up, but. I didn l t.= J didn't, do:it. "n. those sicwics got, up in t.heir cornor. Af't,er)while, he ,,:llied evcl'yt,hing ;vou krlON, that, he ,,(mld call, he 'NilS n[,andin up 1'.her() in the pulpit b,V hinself. An n.f\;(u' n 'lbl1e you know, there's ono m:m left. t.here in t,he middJe ;Vou know, t,her'" in t,he middle, smilin, 3itt,in down 1'.horo by hlsnelfo He nays hey bl'other, says I done callQd evcr,y\;h:l.n I ean Goddnmn think of Da;ys nOVf what, is you? H(~ sa;VG I'm n cock-sucker 0 He S:lY wHll come on up hore wHh me. It. ,lust Felt, Like It. Tcils vo:w ou't in the counl".ry also, the-= sec tl lot. of' t.he c<!unt.r;y townn t,hey hnve n big day you know ,~his war; the third [')und"y in May. ThO Ba pt,i st church vms t.urnod out you know, hc)fl fl bj.f,~ Bnptist mcet,'in t.hnl'e~ An uhnl, thoy bad fH.st.er nally an ~,;istct, ~:;ueo Well uhm, Onf:l of em })::Jd ha:QYl nlH>Ut, ,tihn old ullm- one of' em had hear'd ~llat, t.he uhm- 1'.l,OJ' hustwnd I;heir' hlwband hnd been gain wtd their old BrUIt} So Sint!et' ;.,al1y she wHnted t.o fH-38 51stet' Sue, bot.h of em dIppod snuff', so l;h(~y'" gon have a shOWdown ,qt, ohlll'oh 1'.hat, Sundayo So t,hey got In ehure h t.ha t, Sunday, 01 Hev proaehod a nl ce, wonde rful se nuon, 1.0 elli. Vlell t.hey had in1'.emd.ssIen, I'mll nO'I; Intennlsslon cause t.hey hlld t.he dl nner served on the yardo- An uh- ~)ist.el' Sally ~lhc wanta sec Sister Sueo- She V-I"on1t oat no d.amn di.nner, sho took her' A bir, dip of snuff t.here an come outl of the ehul'Gh, an \1h she walked up t,O Si.ster Sally an naid this;- I beard ;you flfHHI tawkln bout m;v husband pt.hoooi.e o DIpnin a big dIp of snuff 1'.hore. So uh so uh-- said now I aln'\; said a tILing :i.n tho Ivorld :lbout your husb,md, 26 you know me better than that. ~)he said yes you did. Said I heard that you said that, my husband had a wart on his diek. She said ohh chEd that' so He I ain't sHid nothIn Him that chUd. She silid 1-- An I said, I sald felt like it wer'e a war't on his dick. Nathilniel Jennings Don't Be Here Shen The Mornln Comes Well ono t,imo, John was travellin you kncWl. An uh he had travelled all day lonG. It was about, nino-thirty Ht, night" ho had done I(ot t,:Lred HS hell. :io h,'. walked up on this white ["Uy, he had a blU'l1'I[JHld the man told him say ovorybo.1y dono got klllodin t,!J(0re, they done dIed, says hell can't nobody stay thore. lie ,wy looky hore, he say if you let me ront U" he say I'm gon stay there toni ght, eause I'm tired. He say well a llr'i.f',hl, now, if' you wantll go on down there an stay now, you oan go on down there pn sLay. Says woll I'm tollin you, say its hard to st,,3y in (,here. Says woll I don't give a damn what. happens, says well I'm gon stay horn tonir,ht. So John went, on j,n!,the houso you know, an pulled hi.s-- put his bundlo do.m there in t.he corner, he's fJit,t.l.n over' t.here in the -oerner", Bout, elilven o'dook, so a big ol whito hairod "omethin eome in ther'e you know',an st,ompin hard <111 wnlktn round you know an walked ovor to John, say John. ,john looked up at. him 'HI flay yc",h. Say you gon bo here when t.hc) marnin oome. He fla.y yeah, I'm gon be h(ero YlllOn tho marrdn come, sn;y I don't. Give a damn what. happens, say I'm r~on st.ay hore t.on:iJ\ht.a So bout. On(3 o'clock, John hnd done l"ared back you lmOlv, leWIn Lhero, just about. ready 1,0 GloGe his eyes, <111 all of a !luddrm the doo' flow open ;you know, an somnt.hin CHllIO in there '/ou know, he nay damn, what, l,ho hell is th.~t.1 John lookm! around he '3"y-- looked up t.hore at t,hls great big 01 t,al1 black s""leLhIn had done Gom" In, he said, look around John. ~;ay uh he l"t, out. ono growl, !lay vwlk over \,0 ,john !lay ,John 27 John lookl~d up at him an say yeah, Sa,y you gan be here Wh(-Hl t.he mal' comoD'? bay l done -told you, s~:ry Ilm gon bo here wf.l;en the marnin GOInes whoever' comes .. Say I nin1tJ gaIn ncwrherc tjonight Goddnmn it , so go on out:. of he-co an lHave me alone, John got bllck hc say-- John done got hungr'y ;you know. John hauled 01'1' an lIt a fit'ein t.lm hoat"r you knoVi 'an throwcd somo fish on t;ho!:'c you knOl'I, .:In that grease Wns hot as a mother'~fuGker'o .John erwod hHCk iHI 1.31t back ,there you know an Ulem fish Vlf", fryin like hell. All of a sUddeil, this greid, hig 01 hwnp=bnck liokcr come OVlH~ tJml'o you kno'N, ,~n \'lnllmd over t.here to the dtunn heater, rCflched over into thllt Goddamn sldUet Hn .'~rabbed a pioee of hot. fish an atn it you know, finaehed an grabbod 'ttle 1'ryin pan an drunk the gre;-)rl8, an wont an got somo hot-.." some rod hot COAls ::in t'lipc~d his ,'1:1S an v!!llked over tb \!olm ,'Ill say Jobn, you gon be here vlben t.he lil'll'nin come'l ,John looked ovor;th01'6 an say's you ain1t inarnin~ Goddamn ya'9 Thomas Gl'~)nt The PX'osidmYt 1s Lady I's uh--' 1'13 In D, C. ()nec, ,m uh had '1 ebaneH you knOVI an went. up t,here to get" lIttle sm:,ll reward you know, an had a ehan(~(" to meet. tbe PresIdent, An uh Nixon, h" kinda LUm t.he Nomon pretty good also eauso he I s not. thnt old you kno1f{o An uhn he an I '/lent, out, so h(~ nugges't ;you know that V18 wanted to find Some \'/horehouses \I An I carriBd him down on 7th St" an um, I know a pl,"tt.y good whore house GlOVIn there, so he nn I went. in there 8n ah, well t;hey didn't bave but. t.hl'ee!lomen, you know you get your pi.eturH nrst. You 8how-- t.hey shcJl'l you th" pidure. An I expla ined tocem who Nixon was as l;he Pres i.dortt , an would like t,o have Il pro tty deeent woman you know, Nn he said yeah, I go't just. Ylhat you wllnt, 'l'hHY brought the first woman eut t.herH, you lmoa nn Nixon's l'ea] eheap, cuuse he's Hopubllcnn you knol'l, an evel"y-- every Hepublican real chenp ,they v/anta keep t,helr money theLrself, An uhthcy brought the first lady an said that'll be sixtv-five dollars, 28 He aaid oh no, aflY I don't Like em that way, aay t,hat's a littlce too high. She say 1'1011 I got just, what you want I think. She Vlont back f1n I(ot anether one, an Nixon aslwd the prioe,of thai" hn jusl, law"hin an f~rinnitl, '30 hOUSE' told him, S'IY- sn,V , this'll bo forty-five dollal's. lie sny I'll li.ke lmr too, but that.'" sUIl a little high. She says well Mr. Nixon I just got one more back horo, I thing t,his III ~jl1nt suit ;you" ~Jo he bought one more, th() 1;:J8t, one hc'3 hRd out thoro" Mrot Nixon Hskod he:cnwhat's the prien of thlr;. She looked I1t him, sho laul;hsd two or throe t!i.illos, I mi{;ht. call it, grinnin you know GAUSe she t s a whore an every whore ghinB, she don 1t. l.uugh too muoh to me. An uh Mr. Nfuxon asked wbat's tho prico oj' hoI' a sooond timo. An she told him, I'll toll you what I'll do, sinco you tho l'l'clI3:idont, ulun, nOl'f you Cnn have her I'Of' nothin, pl'ovid:in that you rio I.hree things. He sny oh yeHh, well I can 00 that, cause he knew he ~'{oulclnlt, have t/O sfend no money then. H" asked whflt was (,hat'! Sho told him uhm-- say uhm, if you raise my dress as hi.gh AS you got, taxes, lower my dt'Dwers tlS low as you got.. vmg8s, an teal' up my IW3 like you got this country t,oro up you celll bllvl' it. for nothin. Warren Wil1il'\m3 Ruler of t,he Jungle and KIng oj' the K1rth O. K. onc t.ime 1,he old lIon came down through;, the jungle, By'er HabbU was layin in his bod. An lirer Habbit vms lay:in till hIs bed, an tho lion oome up, hit H}'er llabbH, aer03G t,he HSS an say, I'm t.he king of t.he jungle an,1 t.he ruler oj' the enrt,h. Brcw HabbU ~l".y noVi Brot.her 1.0,0n, say yon come in t.lli..~l Umo of mOl'l1in fnckin wUh me, tnlkin about you t.he ki.n[, of t.he jungle uri rulor oj' tho "arl.h, lJay 1n tho first plaee yon the lci.ng eJ' 1,he jungle, but mun the rul<H' of t,ho eart.b. Naw\wlw, say 1 1m t.he Icing of' the juni"le, [Jnd I 'IfI t,he l'uler of tho eart.h$' NalJl.'I\'f, says you Ire v/rong o Sai.d man ruler of the eart.h(!l He said shou me man an ill'11 show ;Y0U I'm the king of t.ho jungln an 29 ruler' oj' l,ho en rth. Ho say O. K., SllY come on. The damn r!1bhU, rmd the dH1l\n lion went dOl'lfl throup;h the d~lmn ':loads, como acrosn a m:1.tl bent. ove l' "n u sUek, bnrely could vmlk. Oh lion fl'i17,zelo,f up eot,t,in 1"J!1dy to lemp on the man, say hold it Brot. hen' Lion, Bay' t.hr--i.t, one(~ WtlD [t JlVll1" Y<N-lh, t11HY wont on down J\l:t't,her 'in ttm woods Q Got on down an neon n litt.le boy pl~'1yin ./itlh tI. bow eln tu'row. 01 lIDon geli1:.1.n f'eady l:.o jump on t,ho littlt?: hpy, say hold it. Bl'othrn' Lion, trwt}1 s gonna bo a m,01n o ' Get on down t.heta he neen tJhin jokGl', a young boy /lbout twenty-three years old, st.andln up .on a whi:te stallion, two .h5's on his side, with" bullvlhip hnnl,in OV01' OlilO of om. Brother Habb:tt, looKed down ther'e IHI spol,ted him in t,he clearin and sn;y now look ,here Bl'othBr I,lion, hn say DOW- now tJhore 9,? mnn. Say I9,:tl gon stay hore rill Gne ho'N you come out wid man" Damn lion rared back, runnin down t,hrou[{h t.ho damn l'IoedG loheY"") j'lxin t.o leap on him, t.ho 01 boy Heon him conti n, hc) roaehed for his .ItS an tho 01 bey de oJdod bo dldn q, mmt.rt shoot. him. Iiolv:hed back Iln gmhbod his bullwhip, hunl{ H, dO'lln t.ill that lion got l'e<lCly to lenp~ t.hab mot:.heJ'=.fuek('_~:r' hit him ri~~ht. hct.wunn tho e:lcs, sn;:tt.l:h(~d n big hunk Of moat out.. Ooddnmn lion t,u),~nod around an :')hn<~gin {l,US evet'y other' 'uay, every tim(~") he get up in d1.:3'tnncc tlmt. joker ho got. up [ttl :3how(n~ down on his n::w an srtnteh n hunk of ment. ol:tl'Q Goddamn \-'wnt by B,'ot,her' !tabbil, Bbo-- Gay 000000 "Ikothol' LIon, nay look a"t your face. HEl say- yon ain'''t, took a good look [t\;my dS::" He sny what, ;you think about, m!-tn~' He :say t,hu t. wouldn't, nO lllHn, un.y tlF:lt, WD.S tl son of .'~1 b.i\ich o 30 WHY't'8 n Willimns Doot,or 'fold Me' Not To Talk 'l'he:c(~) was 1Jld:s r;uy-~ bhore wnl3 those dumb guys :l nd this srrvu~t guy <b 'llhey was st.ealln horses, an cows, tHl pigs, every damn thin;~ t,h(-3y could steal. The;yls up on t.his hillj' ;Y'OU know an t.hey1n st.HnlJn th:iR man's harno, an t,hey was up up Oll a mountain 1:ike type de"l you know, "n they could fiee the cars cornln down below, GamIn up-up-up~' tlOPO So this snvlrt guy lookf-3d up nn ,wen tho damn sheriff oomin up there" He say now look here come the shey.'iff,:You hold tho horso, say I'm gon t,ake him on a wild goose chase. 01 joker left, the 01 shedff camo right up t,hol'() Dr, lock him u.p, the old smart, guy run. An so. the 01 dumb gu.y, th"y took him to jail you knovi, evorything, got, him a Goddamn iawy"r, the lawyer say look, you givo mo sevent,y-five doll;Jl's down, say noy{ if I win tJhe case, you give me seventy five more dollars. If I lose t.he case, sa;y ~you owe me nothin" He says O. K. He says I'll seo you the day hofore court, So the daj' ho fore court the 01 lawyer como down thero an he say now looky hore, ho says now I don't give a damn, if I Hsk you somoi,hin, say t,ho doctor told mo not to talk. He says I don't glvo !l damn who asks you anyt,hing, says just say tho dodor told me not to talk, S~y you don't know nothln, you plain cra?,y see, you crazy, you don't, know nothin. Sure onough they went, to court, joker sclYS Bo1ie:itol' says what's yoUI' nmno? Doctor told mo not t,o t,11k. What you hore 1'01"1, Doctol' told mc not, t,o talk. Judge says you gu:i.lty of those charges boy? Doctor told me not to,t,a1k. 1I0 S'ly now looky he,,,e Y0ul' honor, Lhe lawyer got up nn nrty, look S:4Y, don 1 t you know your t1ruoe'l DootQr' LaId me not to talk? 1I0 SHY boy \'lhat' s-- he say now 100ky here judge, he say we eantt.. get. t..hroughbo t.hi~} man. Say this man's hnlf nutt,y" t.o t.he ownor say, look cnn't we settle in the court.room, ~3a;y he didn't hurt 3JL your horse or nothln, say you don't wanta 130<) this kind of man confinEJC1. He nay nnw, he say-~ he went back over t/O t,hH judge nn S~lYG judge, say's hovi hout let's [;0 hael< in your- chamber. Went back in the jUdee's ohamher-, says-- says 1001< mqn, ,tihis nin I t t/he first. time this mn.n st.ole no horses, sny he always reiJ1U'l1 animals, say he loves t1t1.imaJs, sa,y" now~ now ;you see the oondHion, say .- say - say - wha t,' s- viha t.' s your name, Dootor told me not to talk. He say where you st,ay at? Dodor t,old me not to talk. He say now you ask him somethin. 'l'he mAn who own tho horse asl< him, SHY nov{ Wh'lt, you doin Vlith my hor-se'! Dod,or- t,old me not, to talk. H e sa,Y Vlhat ~rou gon do bout-- S'ly I doWt want to see no l11'ln 111m this hohind bars, say I just drop the clwrges, say !;hoy ain't, mothin wrong '/lith my hor'se or r\othin. So they get out t.here, sa;y alright Bon you cnnfF,o homo n{)"il, nTy dontt, steal no horso:3. Docto)' told !HO not, to talk" He say you can go home son, you Ire free. Doctor told me no I, to t:llk. So j,ll,., lawyer [;l'''h tho guy's arm, pull hJm ou.t., tJhey goin down the court.house nt,ops, hn say allr:l.p;ht now, ;you arm Hie seventy-five more dol1(-n'n~ HF~ B:J.y dooto:c t.old rnt~ not to talk. He s:Jy dOGtor m.ir,ht.a t,old you not. to bell<, bl1t. hu didn't. t.811 you bout th.is Godrlnmn caso bein put a:cound your neek o Thomas Grant, One Wny Street OnO Sunday you know, you knOll hm,' y'al1 [""t. out. herG an gGt drunk on Sunday, an dr1J.~G:,hboso old mggedy Gar:; up "n down t.he "t.ruel', all drunked up, .you know, you don't. know one one-w~:lY st.roet fl[tom ~lno-thnr. An nh this guy, he 1s comin up t1 one vm.y ntreot, hut holl he Was drunk:l ho didn f t know it. Vlnn a one way st,reet., you know, th~t liquor t.old his it \'lEW n t"WO~W:l;Y f;lireeti" An uh ineident.:D.ly, he met the polico eomln duml t.ho streeti, nnd 32 the policeman pUlled him over. Police ask him, say damn fellah, say where in the hell you goin? He looks around at the policeman, he say, I donlt know where in the hell I'm goin, but where ever I'm gain, I must be late cause I see everybody comin back. Marcus Gr,len Another Say'in This vias a long time ago you know, country people-- was independent;. Be about wipin their' BSS ~lhen they shit in the field. Well that was the time hou know, in the days of old, people before the shit tissue was even invented. People wiped their ass l1i1;h bundle of grass and got the hell on home oontentod r-tmrny HOGOD '['he Indian's DHemmB One tIme there WIS this Indian, an uh, he wanted 'GO buy a rubbm:" so he went to a store an uh wen-- went up to the man behind the oounter, an asked the man, sald Hanted to buy a rubber. So the man told him, he said Hell I got a fi"fty cent rubber', a seventy-fi.ve cent rUbber, and a dollar rtlbber. Dh he wanted to try the fifty-oent rubber, an he said yeah that'll be alright, so he gave him a fifty cent rubber an he went home. Next day the Indian came back, an Halked up to the man behlnd the oounter an says, ummm, rubber no good, left ball go unhhh, right ball go unhhh, l'ubber go pOHle. So the man says \-Iel) we got a fifty-cent rubber,hel'e, says you Hanta tr'y this one. He said alright so the Indian took the flfty-cent rubber home, carne back the noxt day, went behind the man-- to the man behind the counter, said umm, 33 rubber no good, left ball go unhbh, rigbt ball go unhhh, :t'u1tlber go powie. Be says, well we got this dollar rubber hero. So said this is the best rubber tbey make. Says if this donKt,,:work, nothin .rilL Said this is the on- - best product there is. So he said alright. So he took it home, so he come, back about two ~veeks later. Comes walkin in the store, he's on crutches, all taped up an everythang, manhinther says, Ivhat happened to you? Says well rubber good, says left ball go unhhh, right ball go unnlilih, rubber go unhhh, left ball go powie. Jimmy McGee It's Never Too Late One time there was this 01 lady, an she had a hundred thousand dollars, an she was uh ninety years old. She decided it wouldn't be long till she be dyin, so she wanted to make out a will ro she called a lawyer up. Lawyer came over an tawked to ber an everythang, asked her what she decided to do with her money after she died. So she decided tbat sbe wanted to leave ninety, she wanted ninety thousand dollars put on her funeral. Said sbe wanted the biggest funeral the town bad .ver saw, she wanted a parade, an band, an everythang, an uh so he said what are you gonna do with the otber ten'libhousand. Sbe says well says iIl',ve ab ninety yeal's old, never been married an never had a man. She says I want you to take tbis other ten thousand and pay a man to come stay Ivitb me for a night. So he said alright. So he went home to get all the legal papers straightened out. So when he 00t home, him an his wife Vias tawkin about it an everythang, an his wife dectded it'd be best ,fior her husband to go on over an uh- uh take the ten thousand dollars cause they sure needed it. So the man went ho-- the lawyer went back over tb her house an told her what him an his wife decided so, se the lady said that td be alright, :bold him in como back the next day. So he went home an told his wH'e all about Iht an Hhy-- he got-- an the next day they got in the car an his vlifo took him up thoro an pUlled up in tho drivevlI'ly, an he got out an told her to como baok tho next aay about the same time an blm" the horn, an hOi d come out. So he went up thor e to spend the night ",1..th that lady for the ten thousand dollars, so uh next day she come baok, his ",ife oome back an bIen" the horn an he n-- he didn't (lome out. :130 she sat there an waited a oouple of hours an blew the horn, lil ew the horn. So finally she looked up, an there "he was hangin out t11 13 vlindow an holler in an said come on back in about a month honey, she decided 00 let the county bury her. Jimmy McGee The Parrot an The 01 Lady One time there Nas this old lady, an she ",as real lone~, husband had died about ten years before an she got real lonely, an deoided she wanted to buy a pet. 30 she went an talked te a couple of people and they said the best pot you could have ",ould be a parrot, that Id taHk. She hunted around for a few \~eeks an finally found a old sailor ",ho had 1\ parrot that he vlanted to get rifJ: pf, an so she deoided to bu- to buy H. So she took H home thSit night, tryin to tleach it to say a few thangs, an she deo- found out that the parrot, all hetd do is cuss. Said the awfulest thangs she'd ever heard. So she decided sheld train the perrot to uh say 3.5 hymns an prayers on everythang because she was a real churoh gain lady. So she uh t-- tralned t It an trained It an finally ) tit to where she put a strang on its left leg, an a strang on his ngat leg. Sheld pull the strang on his le.ft leg an the parrot1d say a prayer. Pull a strang on his right leg an the parrotld sang a hymn. So she got i i; all trained real good, an deoided she I d let the preaoher oome over an hear it. So she invited the preaoher over for supper that night so the preaoher oome over an ah sit down an ate supper, an then she said oome over in here an I wanna show you my pet parrot, so uh the preaoher went hheh- .vent to the room with the pet parrot, said well ahm, what does he do? She said well, go up there an pull the si;rang on his left leg. Soz thepreaoher went ult',there an pula:s the string on his left leg, an the parrot said a prayer. So the old preaoher iVas really amazed, so he said well nO~I, well uh Hhat IS the string on his right leg. Says pull it. So he pullod i.t, preaohe r ah sang a hymn oh pre- I mean the parrot sang a hymn. Hehhh-hehhh So the preacher iVas all amazed about it you lmow an uh he said I wonder Nhat III happen if you pull the strangs on both legs "'atSibhe same timo. The parrot looked at him an said 1 111 fallon my ass you stupid son of a bitch. The ParI' at I\n The Farmer One 'bime this 01 farmer, he had a parrot an uh he I d go' to work an come home, an every d)!lrf the parrot iVas out scrEndn the-sorowln his ohickens. So uh-- he got kinda pissed off about it, so he wont up to his parrot an told his parrot, said if i catoh you fuokin the chickens any more, said ah um 1 1m gonna get a 36 razor an shave all" the feathers off your head. So 01 parrot kinda eaekled at him. So the 01 farmer next day went baok to Hork, came home, sure enough, there was the parrot screwin his chickens again. So he went an got his amh- straight razor an shaved every hoad 01'1'every .feather 0.1'1' on the parrot Ishead, look like a bald headed parrot. So bout that time the preacher came over an knooked on the door an old man let him in. Pnsacher told the man held like to bOl'l'OH his parrot for the next Sunday. 'rhe man asked I'Ih'1t for? He said NoLL I wanta get tho Pal'X'ot put him up uhm in the vestibule of the church tvhen people come in I want him to say, men to the left women to 1;he right, men to the left lvomen to the right. So old fal'mel' said I believe my farmel' can handle that. So next Sunday he had the parrot-- old paId headod parrot sottin up thoro on a little stick, right up in the vestibule of the church. An everybody como wllwkin in that mornin so the parrot set up there sayin men to the left, Homen to the right, men to the left, tvomen to the right. So everything waS goin just fino. About that timo in come all the old bald headed deacons of the church. The parrot kept on sayin men to the right-- I mean men to the loft, women to the right; men to the left, women to the right, all you chick-- ball headed chicken ruckel'S up here with me. Jimmy HcGee Two Toxans One time thore was these two mo-- Toxans an they's stand in over this bridge in ~rexas. 1'11oy's both arguin, how they both grey! up together, so thoyls both all their life arguin about who had the 37 longest dick. So one of them W1S stand in on the bridge an got a bright idea so he hung his dick over the bridge an was peein. An he said boy' this water's oold 1 The other Texan looked up said yeah, its deep too, ain't it. Jimmy McGee Two of Everything One time this little boy hels out watohin the carpenters build a house nex-- next to his house, they's buildin a ne1. house so he was over there an the- oarpenter was-- pioked up his hammer to hammer this nail, an the little boy says my daddy's got t\\TO of thwse. The 01 oarpenter looked at him kind a funny an went on about his 'lofl1k. Pioked up a pair of pliars, little boy says my daddy's got two of those. Bout this time the carpenter's get tin kinda pissed off, oause everytime he'~d pick somethin up, the little boy' would say his daddy had two of em" CH!" s now about lunohtime, he Has l' <)(111y pissed at the little boy, so he \\Tent over an pioked up his lunohbox, an the little boy says my daddy's got two of' those. 'J~he 01 man just kept on latin. So he got through eatin deoidod ho' had to go baok behinp. the house, wont back behin<:J: the house and had to pee. So Hent out behind the house, pulled out his dick an started peein. L -Looked .t the little boy says I guess your daddy's got two of those. The little boy says no, but m~ daddy's got one that'll make two of yours. 38 Jimmy NoGoo Talk of Tho Trado One time this little boy vlM in tho house with h1s mother, an h1s mother's olean1n up. Kept gett1n in he-- 1n h1s mother's way, so his mother told him to go aoross the stroot an 1.atoh the oarpenters build a house across the street. So the 11ttle boy walked aOl'OSS the street an vlas watohin the oarpenters an stayed over there about an hour. So the little boy oomes home, an the mother says waikilllsoD-y"rl'lhat'd you learn today. He says move it over a ount hair. His mother says son, what're you do talk1n like that, says go out 11here an get me a switoh. He says fuok you, that's the electrioianJs job. Jimmy 1'1cGee Pretty Damn Cold Three men were out tawk1n one day, it was real cold, an they's all tawkin about how cold it was were they came from. So ono man sai-- ono man said where I como from its so cold, says every time I'poe, says it freezes before it hits the ground. The other man says Hell, Hhere I come from it's so cold when I shit it fl'eezes, before it goes to the uh .. fl-- uh- ground. 'l'he other man says I don't know ho-- says its pretty oQld where I live, but says ome day I was walkin down the street, felt somethin oold r-rollin dOHn tho back of my leg. So I picked it up an I.t Has a l:i.ttlo ball it was roal hairy, novor seen nothin like it in my life. So I deoided I'd taka it home, see what it was. Took it home, wont in the house, 39 it was real cold, so I went an put it on top of the manne1. Sittin there by the fireplace, st:t11 tryin to figure out Hhat it; Has, turned around, picked iIlt up looked at it, all of a Huddqn-pfffi'ffftJ Jimmy ~I:oGoe =: Just HeHarel One time thoy' s these tvlO men, an they lived next door to eachoothor, one man uh t'lIHl a religious type, he would go to church every morn-- Sunday mornin, an tho other guy he always had parties on the uh on the weekend, raise hell, drink, cuss. So one day, both of em got k:t11ed. So they both went up to the pea1'ly gates, an thoy was sittin up there an so Saint Peter came an got the bad guy an took him on into heaven. So uhm, the 01 man-- the good guy HMJ s:ttt:l.n there, an he vlaited an t'laited, waited for about hJO Heeks, an everyday, he'd see the guy ride by on the b1cyc1e. This 01 beautiful blonde sitUn in his lap an drinkin a beer. So the 01 guy-- the good guy Has s:l.ttin there on the bench an ho kept t'lendorin l'1hy he \'Ias H:I.ttin there an the bad guy VlaH out there havin such a good time so he called over Saint peter, talked to Saint Peter a minute, said Sa1'JlltPPeter, I t'lanta knoH why, said the good guy-- the bad guy over there my neighbor, been bad all h:l.H 11fe, an he's over there havin such a good time, an I'm still sittln herc Haitin to be judged. He says well, well son, said uh, the flrst place, that 01 blonde don't have a hal. an the beer can does, if that ain't hell, then notfuln ls. Jimmy NoGee The Rooster One time there I s this farmer an be had a rooster. The l'oostor-- the farmer oouldn I t keep 1\ny ohio kens, an:'l hens, oause the roor,tar'd always sorew em to deatb. So 01 farmer's gottin bout fod up t'/ith.it,cisOl1ho decided the rooster. So one day he vlent out, bought a hundred hens, put em in the barn. Put the rooster in the barn withem, locked the door an went to bed. Next mornin he got lIP, vJCJnt out thel.'e, thought held done got that rooster. Opened tho door an there was a hundred henB, 1ayi.n- layin legs cocked wide open, head cocked back, all screwed to death, the roostor s1ttin there cacklin. 01 farmer says Goddamn, says I'm gon got that rooster. So be went out an bou~1t fifty - fifty peacocks, decided that'd get em so, put all the peaoocks in tbe barn, shut the. door an went baok to bed. Next day he got up an went out thoro, an he knew he got that rooster then. Hent over an oponed the door an there was fifty peaoooks, bead oooked baok, legs wide open, dono been fuckod to\idaath. There was the roostol' sittin tbere justa grinnin. The 01 farmer says Goddamn 1 111 get that roostor. vient an bought hi.m a hundred turl{()ys, says if this don It get 1m, noth1n ~1ill, So he ~1ent in, locked em all in the barn ~10nt out, oome out th 0 next mornin, says I kno~'/ I got thrnt roostor now. So he Hont out thore oponed the door, rnn there was a hundred turkeys heads oookod back, legs spread Hide open, done been sorewed to death. An he looked over there an there was th- th-ub rooster over there lay1n dotm. He says ah I got tbat damn rooster, I got that damn rooster. All th1s t1me all these buzzards VIlas flyin luounc1, gon get all those dead anlmals, an the farmer stlll jumpin around, I got the rooster, I got the rooster, the rooster looks up at the farmer says shhh) Says they're about to land. Jimm;y HcG-ee 'rhat SHeet Plcket l"enco '-Pllis guy Hent up one day, decided he needed a rubbe:r.. So "l'1011t up to the dl'ugstoro, Hont to the back, an there Has a lady beh:ln~1 the counter.. So he's kinda bashful, so ho lVent up to hel' ask 01' sa:td;,!Ic1 like to buy a l'ubbor. 8he sai,c1 .,,011 Hhat size is yeu:r. d:lolr;1 An he say8 Hell I den I t kno,,,, he says I've never measured 1t, 8ai,d Iddon't lmot" 1-1hat size. She 8ay8 '1ell, no\V He got a white picket fenoe out behind the store back there, says go back there an there's three holos8 in it:.' Says st1ck it 1n all throe holes an the hole that fits the best you tell me an I'll flx you up with the best rubber that'll flt you. So he said alright., So he vlent out behing tho store, an about that time, the lady behind the counter runnn ~get behind the fenco. So ho stuck his dick through the fiNJt oble an she startod rubbin an it an he thought well this fits pretty good, but I guess Illl try the second hole. Went to the seoond halo, an she started puttin his mouth on it, an boy he thought that \Vas fit good. So he docldod r better try tho thlrd hole, the athol' tHO W01'0 so good. So ho ,,,ent to the thl1'd halo, stuck 1t In thoro boyan sh0 gave him tho 1'011 thang. So he sat thero an foo10d around Hith that for a '-1h11e, doclded he'd go back in the stOl'O, an t;oll th0 glr1 about It. So he goos blck in the store an sho comln 1'unnln an got baok behlnd the oounter, He walked up there an she said, ''1ell she said did you try it? An he says yoah. Sho saYs ''1ell Hhot sizo-woll ,.,hat slze are you? Ho says hell just forget aboul; tllat rubber an give me about ten foot of that white piokot fenoe. Troy Drummond, Sr. An Objeot Lesson '1'11is pX'eaoher uhh-- missed his parasol after he left the church one day, an uh-- couldn't remember what happenod to it so he got to studyin that night an he figured ''1e11-- somobody s'bole my pax-asol an I don know who did 1t, but next Sunday I'll pX'each on tho ~.'en Gommandments an when I get to that part where 1t says thou shalt not steal 1'11 really bear dOl,m. So next Sunday, he got to preachin on the Ten Goml11andments an when he got to that part ,-.,h01'e uh it says thou shalt not commit adulteX'y, he membered whore his pl'U'asol "as. Troy D1'ummond, 31'. Triok oft the TX'ade '.l'h1s young preacher :lust got out of school an uh he's wantin to go into tho ministry, he I d hoa1'd about this 01 l11ounta1no01' preahher up in the mountains. He heard he could X'0al1y preaoh a sermon, X'0a11y get his point over an roal1y proach a good sermon. So ho decidod ho I d go up"thex'e one 1ilOekend. So he sit in the back O.t' the church, an every onco in a whl10 he'd reach over an got this glass an take a drink out of it an got wound up an pX'each ono heck of a sermon. So II] after clmrch he uhh asked him says what is you secret? to this says you can really get I~ound up an bring 0verythanE\ out. lIe says well you see that picture up there an that glass, he says that's not water, he says that's some of that 01 mountain del~. He says 1'1011 vlhy don't you come up here next Sunday an try it. I'll let you get up thero an says all along just pour you allittlo bit of that mount.in dew in that glass, an sip it as you go along an says you'll really get a fire built up, an thoy'll thank its water so. Next Sunday, young boy gets up an he starts preachin an he starts pourin a little bit, an he getsi"wound up an he's talkin about uhh-- (whispers stop it) he gets up an ho gets on David- an Goliath, gets wound up an talkin about it an torectl:,1' evel'ybody gots up an starts walkin out. Il'inally there Has nobody left there in the audienoe, except the 01 preacher sittin eut there. So he gets out vlalks dONn an says what happened, why'd everybody leave? He says l~ell son, you viaS doin allright' untiLI you got to lvhere David slelv the Goliath said he slow him, he dldn't beat the sh:t t out of hIm. John Dobbs Only Human A young preaoher hoard on an older preacher Hho Has Hell experienced ln do11verlng sermons. So he l'Ient to hIm for advioe. He approached the preacher he said sir said I am gain into the mInistry an I know your reputation an I want to get some advice from you. So the old man ah- who had been a preacher for years an years says son the first advloe I'd give a young preacher is that he's got to stay away from Satan. He says when a man enters the ministry, he says Satan is after that man. I want to give you an example. 1'ho othor night I Has in my study an the phone rang, an I ansHered the phone, an one of my female members called, said preachel', I want you over to my house, I need some counsel. An it Has late at night, an I hesitated to go but she had a plea of sincerity so, I left my study an Hent out of the house an went to her house. I Vialked in the door, an there she stood in a thinly clad negligee. She said preacher please come in an sit down. She took me to the couch, an we sat there. As we sat down, her negligee opened an I could uh-uh see her really in her nUdity an he says she got up close to me an put her arm around me. Says now son, I wanta ask you a question, Vihat would you've done in that situation? An tho young preacher said well sfur., I guess I'd a fucked hel' too. John Dobbs The Spelling Desson It ~JaS the first day of school, bac]{ run older years, older days an, \vell as a matter of fact, it was back in the blue baok speller days. And uh-- the t et\cher Ivas asking each chlld to s'band up /'tn to uh spell their name, and rocite their name and spell it by using syllables and spelling it the old fashioned way. So the teaohor oa11ed on a little girl, she stood up, she says teacher, my name is Suzy Colgate. S-U Su, there's your SU, sio-sie, there's your sle. There's your Susie. 001-- C-O-I, col there's yOUI' Col, there's your sio Col, there's your Susie Col. G~A-T-E there's your gate, there's your Colgate, there's your sie Colgate, thol'O'S your Susio Colda-- Colgate. Very well Susie. So she sat deHn, so finally, after all the chilrn had spelled their names, so-uh there Has one 45 little boy left an she asked him to stand, an ho aroso and said. teacbBr my namo is Archiballass Holeman, but I don't tbink I should spell H. An sho said well you'll have to spell it, said ~11 tbe other .children have done it, an if you don't spellyour name correctly, I'm going to keep you :tn after sbhool. He said O. K. teacher. He said Arcbiballllss Holeman, A-r-c-h, arcb- there's your Arch. I there's your i, there's yoUl' Archi. (ill-ei~dbUble 1- ball, there's your ball, bhere's your iball, there's your ArchibalL A-double sLass, there' 8 your ballass , there Is your iballass, there's your Archiballass. HLo-1-e, hole-there's your hole, there's your asshole, there's your ballas8 Hole, there's your iballass Hole, there's your Archiballass Hole. M-a-n, manthere's your man, there's your Holeman, there's your ass Hol<!Jman, ~hel'eI13 yOUl' ballass Holeman, there's your iballlls8 Holeman. there's your Arshiballass Holemlln, teachel' I told you I shouldn't a spelled that. '.Proy Dl'ummond, Sr. Ethnic Path to Heaven '.Phere's this (pause) Nigro, Jevl, an Irishman, bhat umm died an vlent to Hell. An when they got dO\1n there, well the Devil oalled them aside, said now I got little ~ide deal with the-- Saint Peter, fifty dollars apiece, well we can let you go on up to the Gililden Gates. So they thought 1.t over, so they thought that Id be allright, so in about nn houl' later, so well somebody knooked on the Golden Gates, Saint Peter op-- opened the gates. So there stood the Il'ishman. He an uhm-- 8aint Pete says uhmm vlhere's that niggeJ:' an Je\~ at? He says 1'1011, uhm when I left do\m there the Jevl was tryin to got him clol'1D to fOl'ty-nj.ne ninety-five, an the nip;ger was tryln to get him to wait tlll Sntldcly. John Dobbs Dream li'ulfilled Out in Arizona, an old, old prospeotor, very tired and weary, along with his mule had stopped at a ~vater hole, to get a drink of water. \-/h:1.1e he was bent on his knees, sipp:1.n water from the fresh, ooil>l,""spring, a young dude oo~~bN>Y oame up on his nioe horso, says what ;'I'0u doin old man? Says pardner, I'm just gettin a drank of water. He said have you ever danoed? He says no, never gon ,in for danoin,. Says I've just worked hard all my life, never had any opportun:1.ty to do mny danoin. He said well you gonna danoe now. An ho Hoppod out a forty-five an atop his horse, star'ted shooting aththe feet of the old man. An the old man out the prettiest jmg you ever saw. Finally the oowboy spent his bullets. An the old man says well, I hope you had a Iota fun. He says by golly loan danoe, OlaD't I? An he slowly walked toward his mule. An stl'apped aside the saddle he had a double'barreled shotgun, an immediately withdrew the shotgun an pointed it in the eowboy's faoe. Says did you over kiss a mule in the ass oowboy? An the oowboy replied, no, but I've always vlantod to.
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Professor John Burrison founded the Atlanta Folklore Archive Project in 1967 at Georgia State University. He trained undergraduates and graduate students enrolled in his folklore curriculum to conduct oral history interviews. Students interviewed men, women, and children of various demographics in Georgia and across the southeast on crafts, storytelling, music, religion, rural life, and traditions.
As archivists, we acknowledge our role as stewards of information, which places us inaposition to choose how individuals and organizations are represented and described in our archives. We are not neutral, andbias isreflected in our descriptions, whichmay not convey the racist or offensive aspects of collection materialsaccurately.Archivists make mistakes and might use poor judgment.We often re-use language used by the former owners and creators, which provides context but also includes bias and prejudices of the time it was created.Additionally,our work to use reparative languagewhereLibrary of Congress subject termsareinaccurate and obsolete isongoing. Kenan Research Center welcomes feedback and questions regarding our archival descriptions. If you encounter harmful, offensive, or insensitive terminology or description please let us know by emailingreference@atlantahistorycenter.com. Your comments are essential to our work to create inclusive and thoughtful description.