"I'D RUTHER BE JIST WHUT THE LORD MADE ME."
SAMANTHY BILLINS
OF
HANGIN'-DOG *
BY
GEORGIA ELIZABETH DUNCAN
ILLUSTRATED BY
ROSINE RAOUL
DECEMBER, 1905 MUTUAL PUBLISHING COMPANY
ATLANTA, GEORGIA
'J
Copyrighted 1905'
To the One Who Enjoys It the Most
CHAPTER I.
No L*\icK in SparKin'.
o, Mis' Sparks, I hain't never had no luck in sparkin'. Now, 'long here one Fall about tater-diggin' time, my
hopes kinder riz but it warn't no use. Fd been over to the cross-roads' store
ter git me a box o' snuff an' a yard o' caliker ter make me a bonnet, an' wuz a polin' fer home.
Now, I had ter pass by Joshuay Seller's place. (I'd been right sorry fer him, you know, ever sence his wife had died in the Spring an' left him sich a gang o' younguns to keer fer.)
Law, you needn't ax me! I don't know how many of 'em ther wuz, but if you had a saw 'em a lopin' about over the place, you'd a swore thar wuz enough of 'em to a strung Jacob's ladder frum bottom to top.
Samanthy Billins
Well, as I wuz a sayin', 1 wuz passing so I didn't see no harm in leanin' up ag'in the fence to ketch my breath an' pass the time o' day with him.
As I wuz about ter move on, Joshuay says to rne, says he,
"Samanthy "
I says, "Whut?" Says he, "Do you keer if I come over yore way Sunday evenin'?" Of course, I said, "No." Well, Sunday come an' I jist tore aroun' an' fixed up things gineral. Swep' out the house an' made a fresh flower-pot fer the comp'ny room an' slicked my hair back 'till you could a seed yerself in it. Then I sot an' waited. Atter a while, here he come a hikin'. Well, 'tain't no use a tellin' whut wuz said atween us. No, Mis' Sparks, you needn't start that, fer I never wuz no han' ter tell my inside secrets. But it wuz enough to inshore me ter go about gittin' my weddin' clothes tergether.
10
of Hanging-Dog.
The nex' morning I heerd that my sister, Canadosia, wuz down powerful bad with pneumony fever up on Chogee, so I had ter go up thar.
An', Mis' Sparks, do you know that while I wuz gone that taller-faced hypercrite turned in an* married Mandy Carson?
Now, lemme tell you somp'n, my advice to a gal is if she has any notion of ketchin' a feller, she'd better set right down by him an' stay thar.
How did you manage ter ketch yore ol' man, Mis/* Sparks?
Yes, you're jist like all the rest of the women folks. Never own up ter nothin'. I know thar must be some trick in it er you'd tell.
Me an' Boxy McSpadden an' Dory Satterfiel' wuz a spendin' the week with Lize Branson onct an' we figgered the whole thing out.
I reckin thar's one thing you've allers noticed in gals. An' that is, when they git tergether fer a spell, they hain't worth
11
Samanthy Billins
the powder an' lead it would take ter kill 'em 'till atter they have talked the matri mony question to a frazzle.
Why, I've sot up many a night 'till atter midnight with them gals a hatchin' up schemes fer ketchin' a man.
You know Gallic Henson? Well, she's a right nice sort of a gal least ways, no body don't never have nothin' ter say ag'in her 'cep'n' she keeps her hands too white an' saft fer a pore gal.
Law, Mis' Sparks, that gal don't never do no grudgery work. No, sir, not her!
You know they allers keeps a nigger if thar's one to be had, an' somehow er other Callie knows how ter work the rabbit-foot on 'em so's ter git the work outen 'em.
You min' that ol' nigger Viney that al lers goes off in a trance ever* big meetin' that comes, don't you?
Well, she used ter work fer the Hensons, an' I reckin she got a right smart of speerience thar. v Here las' Fall, at camp-meetin', she went
12
of Hang in'-Dog.
off in one of them trances while she wuz a cookin' Mis' Henson's dinner an' stayed thar 'till atter the sun went down.
.Well, atter she come to, her ol' man says ter her, says he, "Viney, whar has you been dis bressed Sabbath day a drappin' off an' a leavin' ob Mis' Henson fer ter fix up de vittels fer de 'sidin' elder an' all dem white folks comp'ny?"
"Law," says she, "bress yore ol' soul, Ikey, I's been a trablin' about in nudder worlds dis day. I's been all de way ter heaben, I has. You don't ketch dis nig ger a cookin' vittels fer de white folks ner nobody when she has a chance ter spen' de Sabbath wid de Lawd, does you 'spec'?"
Ol' Ike 'lowed he'd find out a thing er two, so he says, "Viney, wuz dar many white folks up in heaben?"
"Plenty ob 'em, Ikey," says she. "Wuz dar any niggers?" "Yaas, honey, dar wuz a. right smart chance ob niggers too." "Did you take a look at de debbil's coun-
13
Samanthy Billing
try while you wuz a projec'in' about?" axed Ike.
"Law, yaas," says she. "I tuck de whole t'ing in. Don't you see, you ol' bat, whar I swinged my arm a shakin' hands with Bis Hawkins down dar?
"Yaas, she's dar fer sartin. Didn't no body never 'cuse her ob bein' nowhars -else not eben at de funeral sarbices," Viney 'lowed.
"Now," says Ike, "Viney, wuz dar any white folks down dar?"
"Plenty ob 'em," says she-
"Wuz dar many niggers?" says he. "Great Lawd! Ikey, whut you 'spec' me ter say ter dat? Why, de whole place wuz black wid 'em!" Ol' Ike jist kep' on. "Now, Viney, hon-ey, jes' tell me one more question," says lie. "Whut wuz de white folks a doin'?" Viney answers up, knowin'-like, "Hush! nigger! Whut fer you want ter ax a fool -t'ing lak dat? Whut you 'spec' 'em ter be :a doin'? Why, dey wuz a gittin' up a leg-
14
of Hangin'-Dog.
islacher fer ter git de debbil ter make anudder fire fer de niggers ter set at. Said dey didn't like de idee ob settin' down on de grounds ob 'quality. But, ol' man, in my 'pinion, dat's one time de nigger's got de dead wood on 'em."
That ol' nigger shore is one caution! Well, as I wuz a sayin', us gals set up at night a figgerin' on how ter rope in a man. An' my opinion about how Callie managed wuz, she didn't do no work skacely an' fer that reason wuzn't allers wore out. I tell you a woman cain't wash all day an' then set up at night with no man a livin' with out bein' sorter snappy aroun' the aidges. An' then, she could a tuck the chromo at any side-show fer gigglin'. I've heerd it said that a woman wouldn't never be a ol' maid as long as she could giggle. But I know that ain't so, fer Lize Branson kin out-giggle the gigglers, an' it's my opinion that she's purt nigh past the dead-line now. Dory argyed that she didn't believe in a
15
Samanthy Billing
gal a throwin' herself at a feller so's he'd have ter dodge about ter keep her frum knockin' him down, but that a man liked ter be tuck on over enough ter make him feel like he wuz, er stood a fair chance fer bein', about the most importanes' critter in the county.
J3ut Boxy struck the nail on the head when she riz to her feet an' spoke out, like a court jedge, "Well, gals, I've listened ter yer argyments, fer an' agin. I've been a livin' 'roun' an' about fer some years, an* I've made some calkerlations frum whut I've saw as well as heerd. An' the straight road to a man's heart, in my jedgement, is through his craw. You'll have ter feed him, I tell you."
With that, she sot down. Now, we didn't see no harm in combinin' the argyments an' tryin' a little of Dory's with a main load o? feed. So that wuz the platform we perposed ter operate on. Then the nex' thing we done wuz ter try our forchunes so's each one of us could set-
10
of Hangin'-Dog.
tie on the right feller. My doctern is, thar hain't no use a wastin' yer ammonition 'till you git the right sort o' game ter shoot
at. Now, Mis' Sparks, you needn't be a
laiighin'. I'll bet a peck o' hen's teeth that you tried ever'thing you ever heerd of afore you ketched yore ol' man. Own up.
Geemeny! How my nose eaches! You hain't a lookin' fer comp'ny, air you, Mis' Sparks? I 'lowed if you wuz I'd light out an' tell you the rest some other time.
Don't you never tell nobody all this stuff I'm a tellin' you. Why, them gals would string me up by the thumbs if they know'd whut I'm a doin'!
Well, you know ther is about a million ways of tryin' forchunes, but we picked out one of the easiest an' one that we know'd fer shore would fetch some sort of a re
sult. You've tried it with aiggs, hain't you?
You do ever'thing back'ards, you know. Put the aiggs in an' bile 'em back'ards.
Samanthy Billing
Then take the yallers out an* fill 'em up with salt an* eat 'em, dry so. Then go ter bed back'ards without sayin' a word ter nobody er smilin' ner nothin'.
Now, it stands ter reason if you eat that much salt, you'll be a huntin' fer a drinkin' place afore mornin', an' the feller that hands you water in yer dreams is ter be yer future mate.
If he hands it in a gol' cup, you'll be rich; if it's a plain goblet, you'll be a good liver; but if it's a gourd, you'll be pore all yer born days.
Yes, Mis' Sparks, I don't reckin it'd be no use a lyin' about it. I dreamt of a man, but I'll be-dogged if a oP witch would a had him.
Whut wuz he like? Don't ax me. I disremember all about him, 'cepin' he looked more like a pair o' tongs than any thing I've run up ag'in all legs an' not much head, you know. Hain't that yore baby a cryin', Mis'
18
of Hangin'-Dog.
Sparks? The flies is a pesterin' of it, FU warrant. Law, they won't let nothin' sleep. Hain't it aggravation that we have ter be plagued with the pesky things? I don't see why in the nation they didn't stay over in Egypt whar they wuz put.
No, sir, you needn't expect ter keep a youngun frum 'em 'less you shet it up air tight in a fruit jar er somp'n.
Well, the nex' mornin' I tol' the gals I wuzn't satisfied an' that I, fer one, wuz in favor of goin' to a straight-out forchuneteller. That sence we had went that fur with it we might as well eat the whole hog.
You know that ol' hag of a woman that lives over yander at the foot of Snow Bird? Well, we never tol' nobody whut we wuz up to, but the nex' fool thing we done wuz ter go ter her.
Now, look a here, Mis' Sparks, I tell you like I tol' them gals if you ever hear tell o' me a goin' to a forchune-teller agin, I want you ter take a cow-hide an' thrash
19
Samanthy Billins
off ever5 inch o' skin that's on my ol' car cass.
If I wuz a preacher, I'd git up a hairraisin' sarmon on the subjec'.
Why, she like to a made a plum' fool o' me. Said I wuz a goin' ter have all sorts o' trouble, git one o' my eyes gouged out an' have the spiral mineralgitis ter draw me ter one side, an' I don't know whut else. I tell you, I wuz skeered of my shadder fer more'n a year atter that,
Yes, she said I'd finally git married to a bushy-headed feller frum a level-like coun try. But, my land! I'd ruther mosey through life all by myself than ter make good all them t'other things she tol' me.
20
Dory's uck in
CHAPTER II.
Dory's LxicK in SparKin*
ES, Mis' Sparks^ I done made up my min' that sence I didn't haye no luck in sparkin', I wuzn't a
_ ___ goin' ter set up here on Hangin'-I>og all my life without never seein' nothin'. It's bad enough ter be a ol' maid, but ter be ignerant with it is more'n the law requires.
So me an' Dory Satterfiel' an' Boxy McSpadden got ter talkin' about it, an' the upshot of it all wuz we scrimped along an' saved up an' lit out fer Washin'ton the first pop.
No, I don't mean the State. It's the town I'm a talkin' about, I'd like ter know if you don't think I've done saw enough of mountains an' sich as that already?
It's the place whar the law is made, you
23
Samanthy Billing
know, an' it's named atter our first Presi dent. If you didn't know that afore you got thar, you'd be boun' ter find it out, fer it 'most 'pears like the place is ha'nted with his sperit. Why, you cain't turn one way ner t'other without runnin' up ag'in somp'n to 'mind you of him picters, an' monuments an' sich like.
I reckin you heerd how it wuz that we didn't all start tergether?
Dory had some kin some'er's out frum the city, so she 'lowed she'd go on a few days ahead an' then meet us the nex' Tues day mornin'. No, she didn't 'pear ter be afeard ter go by herself. She's jist like a cat anyhow you cain't kill her ner lose her.
Well, you ought ter a saw her when we rolled in. She's a powerful gal fer style, you know. It wuz 'long when the women folks wuz a wearin' so much veil a floppin' over ther faces, an' she had ketched on.
Thar she stood, a peekin' through them iron bars they wouldn't let nobody in
24
of Hangin'-Dog.
whar the cyars wuz, you know with her head all wrapped up in the stuff. I 'lowed at first that mebbe she wuz a gittin' ready ter rob a bee-gum, but as soon as I could git in a word at her, she owned up.
Hain't it a caution whut fools some folks is! An' it wuz July, too!
Well, as soon as we could git over bein' oneasy about her bein' tuck up fer a luna tic, we lugged our sachels out an' struck a dog-trot fer the middle of Pennsylvany Avenoo whar the street cyars wuz runnin' up an' down, you know.
It wuz so fur to the middle that I wuz skeered I'd git run over, so I moved along purty peart an' got thar first. Then I looked back; an', do you know, thar stood Dory a takin' her own time a wipin' the sweat offen that face o' her'n.
I knowed frum that minute whut she wuz up to. She didn't keer nothin' about seein' the sights an' 1'arnin' She wuz atter ketchin' a feller.
Thar hain't no use a interducin' you ter
25
Samanthy Bill ins
Boxy McSpadden's main talent, I reckin? everybody that's ever heerd of her knows it. Why, she kin ax more questions to the minute than a cross-eyed liayer kin, so we knowed we'd see the sights if we could hold out ter git to 'em. An' whut she couldn't ax, Sal could. You know we taken her 'long ter make out a even num ber. An' then, you know, some folks don't never 1'arn nothin' 'till they go a visitin', so pap 'lowed he'd give her a chance.
The first thing that struck me pertic'ler about the place wuz the statures. They wuz set all about over the town in the parks an' streets ter 'mind the folks of some big men that wuz dead an' gone, you know.
Yes, I reckin they wuz all dead, bekase you know it would be sorter resky busi ness ter put so much money into a 'live man's stature He might go back on his name, you know.
Bury a man first an' then set a right
26
of Hangin'-Dog.
smart size* monument over his grave ter hold him down is the safes' plan.
I figgered it out that most of the big men that's passed over frum about Washin'ton wuz mighty fond of ridin* r*arin' horses. Why, nearly ever* one of 'em wuz a standin' on his hin' legs a pawin' of the air.
You hain't never saw no statures, have you, Mis' Sparks? They air made out o' some kind o' hard, weather-proof stuff, an' meant ter look as much like the objec' they ripresent a possible, 'cep'n' as ter color.
Them horses must shorely git powerful tired o' stayin' r*ared! It pestered me. Why, I even dreamt about 'em 'most ever* night I wuz thar.
Well, of course we taken in Washin'ton's monu-wmtf the very first day. I'd heerd more about that an' the Liabary than any thing else, you know.
No, he ain't buried thar I'll tell you more about that when I git to it.
They say it's about the highest monu-
'27
Sam an thy Bill ins
ment in the country. It's a wonder ter me
that it don't draw lightnin' a standin' off
thar to itself so high an' p'inted. It's hol
ler on the inside, you know, an' they have
a cyar ter h'ist the people to the top go's
they kin look out an' git a good view at the
scenedry.
It wuzn't a runnin' the day we wuz thar.
The gals wuz up fer footin' it an' a readin'
the signs along the way, but I drawed the
line thar; fer my head hain't much heav
ier than a balloon when I'm fur frum lan',
an' then I wuz fer prophesyin' that we'd be
a needin' our walkin'-sticks fer more im-
portanter business.
You hain't never heerd no account of the
place, have you, Mis' Sparks?
It's one of the purties' towns you ever
seen. Flower gyardens an' trees an' stat
ures. in'.
Why I wouldn't take nothin' fer go-
As soon as the gals found out that I
meant whut I said about footin' it up that thar spike, we lit out fer the Liabary.
23
of Hangin'-Dog.
Well now, my frien', if you air a lookin' fer somp'n munificent an' extensive, you don't need ter go no further. Why, I wuz tol' that they had so much money fer to build it with that they put all the fixin's on the inside that they could think of an' then smeared puore gold all over the stee ple on the top.
Now, Mis' Sparks, you needn't be a stretehin' yer eyes at me like that. Ther hain't nobody a 'cusin' you o* bein' a fool. I'm a tellin' you the naked truth, if I ever tol' it. It's the puore stuff.
Yes, it does 'pear like a awful waste, but mebbe it's jist as well ter have some of it up whar the Lord's sunshine kin git to it so the pore white folks an' niggers kin at leas' know whut color it is.
I tell you if a body could git rid of covetin', we'd enjoy sein' sich as that without allers wishin' it wuz our'n. Fer my part, jist so's I have enough ter eat an' wear an* git along on, I believe I'd ruther the other feller had the rest. You see it's so everlas-
Samanthy Bill ins
tin* much trouble to take keer of it. You kin call it laz'ness, then, if you want to. I ain't a keerin'.
Whut's that dog a barkin' at, you reckin? Must be a snake. If he don't let up, he'll be in the same fix of that dog that Joe Kitchens tells about. He says that he had a aunt that snored so loud that it agg'avated the dog. Her room opened out on the back porch whar the dog slep', you know, an* he let in ter barkin' at her an* kep' it up the whole endurin' night at least, till the soun' give out. An' then, Joe says that when he went out on the porch ter wash his face the nex' mornin', thar sot the little dog on his hin' legs still a goin' through the motion with his mouth.
Well, we wondered aroun' in the Liabary a lookin' at the picters an' books an' so on, 'till all of a sudden, I axed whar Dory wuz.
Didn't nary one of the other gals know, so we got a hump on us an' set out ter lookin' fer her.
30
of Hangin'-Dog.
An* whar do you reckin she wuz? Give a guess. A huntin' fer us? Geemeny, Chris'mus! you don't know that gal!
Why, she wuz a settin' on a bench thar in front o' that thar picter of Minervy whut's made out o' Moses rocks er somp'n x>f the sort a talkin' to a deef man.
Aw, Mis' Sparks, you know I don't mean she wuz a talkin' out loud with her mouth. She wuz a writin' of it which wuz worse. An' he wuz a smilin' an' a noddin' of his head like she wuz a ol' acquaintance.
When she seen us a comin', her face turned jist as red as a June apple an' she let on like she wuz a tryin' ter draw a pic ter of Minervy to take back to her maw fer a keepsake but I knowed better. Why, she couldn't a drawed a cat so's you could a tol' it frum a billy-goat, 'cep'n' by the tail.
Of course, she wuz old enough ter know how ter take keer q herself an' I know'd it warn't none o* my business ter tell her that she shouldn't talk to the feller; but
31
Samanthy Billins
me an* the other gals felt that we didn't like ter have no inflections made on us bekase she wnz one of onr crowd, you know.
Now, Mis' Sparks, don't 'cuse me of bein' turned ag'in tryin' to ketch a feller, but I ehorely would, draw the line on not knowin' his name ner nothin' about him.
I says ter her; says I, "Dory, weuns is a gittin' hongry. Hadn't we better be a huntin' up a place ter git a $nack?"
With that, she riz an' smiled at the man like she 'spected ter see him ag'in, an' then we went out ter hunt fer vittels.
Yes, the Capitol is right clost by. How'd you know that?
No, we didn't go in thar that day. Whya woman, you mus' think that the Liabary hain't no bigger'n the arbor at Sandy Springs camp-groun.'
It hain't so powerful big an' yit it's bigger'n any buildin' I'd ever run up ag'in but it's got so powerful much in it that a body wants ter see an' 1'arn about
of Hang in'-Dog. Why, we gaped aroun' in thar fer two whole days an' then come out without seein* hardly more'n half of it. I believe to ray soul you could hang aroun' thar a month an' then own up that the most you had 1'arned in the place wuz that you wuz purt nigh plum' ignerant. The reason we didn't go to the Capitol sooner wuz, I had a pertic'ler scheme I wanted ter work when we went ter see it. Dory Satterfiel' didn't have no idee that I knowed arry man up thar, so I 'lowed I'd jist wait an' see whut kind of a dido she'd cut when he hove up. Yes, I knowed one man thar. You see I made his acquaintance at Liza Gable"s weddin', an' he tol' nip if I ever got ter Washin'ton, ter be shore ter hunt him up. To tell you the truth, I don't much think he had any notion I'd ever git that fur, but I sart'inly believe in takin' a feller at his word. He wuz a Congressman's son, you know, an* all my folks over in Graham had voted1
33
1
Samanthy Billing
fer Ms paw, so I didn't see no harm in gittin' a day's work outen him. But I'm here ter state right now that it's my conviction that folks in politics never does git done payin' off ther voters.
No, siree! I don't want none o' my close kin a mnnin' fer office.
No, didn't narry one of the gals know him but me, an' I didn't let on. As I said 'while ago, I jist wanted ter see how Dory would take it. So I didn't tell none of 'em whut I wuz up to ner nothin', but jist got a perliceman to p'int out the place fer me.
I had wrote the number down soon atter he give me the invite, you know.
jNow, I make it my rule that if I know a body up here on Hangin'-Do>g, I'll know 7em anywhars I meet 'em. But thar's a heap o' folks that hain't built that way.
I didn't know whuther this feller had one o' them thar a'justable ferggitters er not, but I knowed thar wuzn't nothin' like makin' the expeeriment.
When we first walked in, he did look
34
of Hangin'-Dog.
kinder skeered, like he wanted ter run. He wuz a oncommon sort of a bashful fel ler anyhow, you know; an' his face got as red as a pickle' l>eet when I tol' him we wuz atter him ter take us over to the Cap itol I 'lowed he'd be more help to us thar than anywhars else sence his paw stayed over thar so much that I knowed in reason he wuz well acquainted with the place.
It wuz purty hard on the feller, fer you know thar wuz four of us gals; but I'd left the bigges' part of my conscience some'ers else that day, an' then I didn't much expec' ter ever see him ag'in nohow.
I want ter tell you how Dory done When we first swooped down on him, she drapped out o' sight behin' somp'n, but in about "three jerks of a sheep's tail," here she come with all that veil business tucked up an' puckered aroun' an' fresh lily-white dabbed on her face 'till she looked purt nigh plum' passable if I do have ter say it. An' then she went ter
35
Samanthy Billins
rsmilin' at the feller. She's got powerful purty teeth, you know.
I know'd frum that very minute that I might jist as well give up but you know thar's some things an' some folks that -don't die easy.
But frum the very start, me an' Sal an' Eoxy formed a sort of a funeral percession a follerin' along atter Dory an' the feller, while I tried ter make myself believe I -didn't keer.
Dory is a good-hearted gal, but she'd made up her min' that she'd ruther be dead as ter be a ol' maid, so it 'peared like she would turn purt' nigh to a plum' fool when ever thar wuz a man about. But some men seem ter like that sort of a woman.
You know that wuz Dory's argyment yhen we wuz layin' plans fer ketchin' a feller over at Lize Branson's, an' she's one gal that's shorely lived up to her doctern.
Oh, yes, he galivanted us all around. Showed us whar the President sets an' all the picters an' so on.
36
of Hanging-Dog.
Do you know, a body has ter know enough back hist'ry ter purt' nigh bu'st his head open afore he kin be a first-rate pain ter er one o' them thar stone-cutters? It's the truth.
Hain't that Joe Kitchens a goin' 'long the road? I reckin he thinks he's done went an' burnt a river sence he's got mar ried. Thai's been a lots of 'em a gittin' married here of late. I never heerd of the like. ,
I did hear that they wuz a lookin' fer Bill Sellers an' his woman a Friday. Had you heerd it? Jim wuz over home the day be fore an' he 'lowed they had had a letter from Oory.
They say that Bill's wife is like a heap o' the rest of the women her health's about broke. But laws a massy! They needn't come back ter this country ter git shet of sickness!
dow did the Capitol look? Well, it sart'inly is worth the time we spent on it; but somehow, I felt more compressed with ita
37
Samanthy Billins
outside appearance especially on whut they call its back side.
It wuz so gran' that Boxy an' me slipped back one night jist ter see how it looked in the moonlight. It made me think of things Fd read about in story books whar queens lived, with all them long1 steps a leadin' up along the side of the buildin'.
Well, that day the man wuz with us we wondered around an' about 'till noon when, accordin' to the way we wuz brung up, we begun ter git kind o' weak in the craw. You know the feelin', I reckin?
Kow, up ter that time, we'd been persuadin' ourselves that it wuzn't healthy ter eat much in hot weather in the middle of the day while we wuz trapsin' aroun* so much, an' so a dime fer grub wuz our limit whuther it bought much er little.
Sometimes it wuz pie, but most giner'ly it wuz a hunk o' bread an' milk with a lit tle smidgin' of ham throwed in.
I mind one pie we got. Roxy an' Dory kind o' hankered fer it, so I went in with
38
of Hangin'-Dog.
'em. It didn't cost but a nickle, but we come purty nigh a settin' up with each other's corpses that night. Don't you nev er eat a thing when you're away frum home that's got a kiver on it 'specially, if it don't cost no more'n a nickle.
Sal axed the feller if thar wuz any eatin'housesr anywhars about Said that she, fer one, wuz jist pbleeged ter have somp'n ter chaw on.
I could a shuck the hide offen her. You see I didn't keer fer him ter know jist how we wuz a liviii'. But he jist gnawed on the eend of a stick he wuz a totin' an' laughed an' then he says, says he, "Come on, I'll set you uns up ter whut you're a lookin' fer." An' with that, we went out an' got on the cyars an' rid a mile er two an' then lit in front of a place that wuz all fenced in with boards.
fie taken us inside an' I thought I smelt liquor Sal allers says she'd ruther have me as a blood-houn' anyday but I didn't let on ner nothin'.
39
Samanthy Billins
The place was powerful cool an' nice in side with ferns an' bushes a settin' about, an' music a goin' on like they wuz a gittin' ready fer a show an' wuz a drummin' up the crowd.
We <sot down at a table an' he axed us whut would we have. We tol' him we'd jist eat whutever they had on x hands an' fer him ter have it dished up. With that, he laughed a little, perlite-like, an' said somp^n to the nigger waiter; an', atter awhile, here he come a totin' a main load o' teapot-lookin' things an' other stuff an* set 'em aroun.' "Mis' Sparks, you ought ter see how them niggers kin spin about a fetchin' in things an' floppin' 'em down. Why it makes a body purt' nigh have a spell o' vertigo! You never seen ther beatr
I kinder raised the lid of mine in a keerless way, an', do you know, the pesky stuff begun ter b'ile out on the table like sour merlasses!
By this time, us gals wuz a gittin' somewhut distrus'ful of the feller. 'Lowed
40
of Hangin'-Dog.
more'n likely lie wuz a tryin' ter pizen us, so we helt back ter see if he wuz willin' ter take the dost hisself.
He kinder turned red an' chawed on his whiskers a minute an' then set to. Mis' Sparks, I never in my life seen a man en joy vittels more'n he did.
I've come ter the opinion that atter you git the hide off, 'most ever'body is purty much the same 'specially when it comes ter eatin'.
Well, we 'lowed if it didn't kill Urn, we could stand it too, so we guzzled it down without tastin' it no more'n we could help, fer I tell you that mess wuz purt' nigh as bitter as puore gall We didn't have no more idee of whut it wuz than a billy-goat.
Shucks! it didn't set him back two sec onds! The feller 'peared ter git rale enjojsnent outen it. I reckin he wuz usened to it, an' you know thar hain't no way o' turnin' a hog agin slop.
By the time we had et up whut we could
Samanthy Billing
an' set thar a spell, Dory let on like she wuz sick an' would be obleeged ter go to the boardin'-honse. I wouldn't question if she wuz a bit turned, but I didn't hear no death-rattle in her th'oat, so us gals let the man take her off while we chawed our tongues ter keep frum sayin' whut we thought.
An' do you know, Mis' Sparks, jist as I expected, when we got back frum the musyuin that evenin', we found her a settin' up a eatin' candy the feller had give her. Law! you'd have ter rise 'way before day ter git ahead o' her! I tell you thar wuzn't nothW could keep up with that Gal without it might be a little yaller dog. You know you cain't hardly lose that sort of a pup.
If you'll skuse me, Mis' Sparks, I'll move my cheer over by the door so's I kin dip my snuff without bein' skeered I'll mess up yore floor. It'd be a pity ter git it all spattered up. Snuff is one thing I'm 'most
of Hangin'-Dog.
obleeged ter have, no difference whut hap pens 'specially atter eatin'.
Yes, Boxy axed a perliceman jist as soon as Dory an' the feller wuz out o' sight, an' he 'lowed it wnz a beer-gyarden.
As soon as I heerd that, I throwed up my hands an' says, "Gals, we're disgraced fer life!"
Then Sal, she let in ter cryin' an' goin' on that pap wouldn't never let her go nowhars no more. I felt like runnin' atter the feller an' pullin' his ol' woolly hair out, but the perliceman kep' on a talkin' an' 'lowed that we needn't be so pestered about the matter, fer jist a plenty of de cent women went thar.
It wuz jist about all I could do ter swaller the perliceman's yarn. But then you know that "quare folks has quare ways," an' up thar I reckin' it's a case of ever* feller to his own taste. That's whut the ol' woman said, you know, when she kissed the cow.
That 'minds me, how's aunt Jane a gittin* on?
43
Samanthy Billins
Ain't it a master caution the way she let that cow git the upper hand of her! She may lose her leg yit.
Yes, I know she could git one made but I hain't never saw a wood leg yit that'd work like the nacheral one.
The President wuzn't at home when we called at his house, but he'd fergot ter shet the door so we taken the liberty o' walkin' in an' lookin' about.
My land! I don't see whut on earth they kin do with so much house-room un less they calkerlate on takin' in boarders er orphans.
I sart'inly wouldn't hanker ter be his wife. I couldn't help frum thinkin' whut a time of it she must have a keepin* it breshed up an' the flies skeered out. I be lieve I'd ruther resk bein' happy in a little cabin up here on Hangin'-Dog. They tell me that she cain't even move a piece o* furnichure er speak to the cook without ever'body in the nation a knowin* it. That's ONE woman that has ter toe the
44
of Hanging-Dog.
chalk line er else have it throwed up to 'er,, dead shore.
Frum thar, we went out to Mount Vernon. That's the place whar George Washin'ton made his home when he wuz alive,, you know.
They say it's jist like it wuz when he lived thar. You've saw the picters of it^ hain't you? A big, white house a settin^ on a green hill a lookin' down over the river. He couldn't a picked a purtier spot nowhars. It wuz so homelike, that some how I couldn't help frum feelin' that more'n likely, I'd run acrost him a settin' some'ers around; but I changed my min*' when I got inside the house.
Why, they had ter even keep chains acrost the doors ter keep the folks out. Men an' women wuz a trompin' through the l\alls a laughin' an' a gazin' at ever'thing in sich a cold, unfeelin' way that T wanted ter hit somp'n.
I had had a idee that mebbe George an*
Samanthy Billing
Marthy wondered aroun' thar in sperit 'till I seen the crowd, an' then I knowed they couldn't stan' the racket.
No wonder ghosts does ther walkin' at night-time, 'specially here in Ameriky.
This here hatchet is made frum a piece of the cherry-tree that George cut down when he wuz a youngster. I got it at a stan' outside the gate jist fetched it over fer you ter see.
Yes, the feller that sold it said it wuz frum the BALE tree; but sence I come ter think of it, that must a been a oncommon size' cherry-tree. Gee! don't you know the little feller must a been put to it ter git it down by the time his paw come along! It makes me plum' tired ter think of it.
The place about the house that got the clostes' to me wuz the little room up un der the roof that Marthy taken fer her'n atter George died. She done that so's she could look outen the winder and see his grave down in the yard.
Don't you know it must a been a lone-
40
of Hangin'-Dog.
some time with her a settin' up thar at thewinder all by herself?
On Sunday, we went out to the church in Alexandry whar George used ter go.
It wuz as still an' white inside as if they 'spected him ter walk in, an* the place whar he allers set wuz marked an' kep' fer him.
Thar wuz another absent seat in the same meetin'-house that wuz marked. It wuz Lee's. He used ter go thar, too, you know.
You ought ter a heerd the preacher. He clum' up in a little white pulpit an' preached one of the most comfortes' sarmons I'd ever heerd. I jist sot thar a listenin' an' a lookin' out the winder at the graves that had been a lyin' thar under the trees fer years an' years, an' wondered if the folks that wuz buried thar had ever had a chance ter listen ter sich.
I tell you, Mis' Sparks, us folks that's a livin' in this day an' time is kivered ,up BO deep with blessin's that we're jist like-
47
Samanthy Billins
hogs goin' 'round with our eyes on the groun' a pickin' up everything we kin find an' never onct lookin' up ter see whar the good things comes frum. Well, now, it's precious few that ever takes the trouble ter root out an' say, "Thankee1" to the Lord.
That evenin', we 'lowed that sence we Tiad got mixed up with dead folks an' grave-yards, we'd finish up the job by goin' ter Arlin'ton That's whar the soldiers is buried, you know.
We wuz a standin' on the street cordner an' seen a cyar a comin', an' Koxy axed the feller that wuz a runnin' it if it would take us to the place. He said it would if we'd git on which we done an' rid out.
Now if you're a lookin' fer hist'ry, that's the place whar you kin find it wrote with a pen that's been dipped in blood. Huntlerds an' hunderds of graves all kivered with grass with the trees overhead an' the sunlight a siftin' through.
It wuz so cool an' ca'm that I know in
48
of Hangin'-Dog.
reason that it's the best restin' place some o' them fellers ever had.
Then we went to the house it wuz onct Lee's home, you know an' sot down on the front porch an' looked acrost to the city. I tol' you that Mount Vernon wuz the purtiest place I'd ever saw fer a house, but I believe Arlin'ton kin beat it.
Thar wuz the river a curlin' at the foot of the hill an' then on t'other side wuz the city all jammed up tergether, an' right in the middle wuz the Liabary with its gol' top a shinin' in the sun.
As we set thar a lookin', I heerd some chaps a talkin' about bringin' some big fel ler's corpse thar ter bury him he'd al ready been put under some'ers else, they said.
Laws a massy! (No, Mis' Sparks, they don't stan' back on diggin' a feller up an' movin' his bones no more'n you would a sweet 'tater!
I tol' the gals that if they didn't look
40
Samanthy Billing
out an* be keerful, Gabriel would have a sight o' trouble a findin' some o' them fel lers ter wake 'em up on the jedgment day.
Great Jehosaphat! Hain't it hot terday! As I wuz comin' over I taken notice as I looked out over the fields an' it wuz that hot that it 'peared like it wuz a mistin' little fine rain 'way yander. It's hot weather when it looks like that.
But pap says we're a goin' ter have a early frost. He heerd the first katy-did on the twenty-ninth of June. You know it's jist three months frum that time 'till frost. An' then the thick corn shucks is good sign that we'll have a hard winter of it. Well, when it's hot we want it cold, an' when it's cold we want it hot.
Them thar thunder-heads looks like a storm. I'd better be a makin' it, fer home, but I want ter tell you jist one more thing about our trip afore I go. No, I caint stay all night.
Thar wuz a sort of a excursion a goin*
50
of Hangin'-Dog.
down the river late one evenin' an* we 'lowed we'd take it in sence we wuz a goin' ter leave the nex' day.
Dory wuz high up fer it sence we had run acrost a feller we used ter know over on Owl Creek. He had j'ined the army an' wuz thar ter git examined ter see if he could tell yaller frum green, you know.
His wife wuz a livin' the las' time I'd saw him, but he said she wuz dead now.
Now, you know that.if you kin git a fel ler out on the water in the moonlight, he'll come purt' nigh savin' anything you want him to. Dory knowed that, so she calkerlated that it wuz her las' chance an' she'd make the best of it.
The sun wuz a settin' as we started down stream, an' the sky wuz all splotched up with red an' the water itself looked like it had been a stealin' roses.
It wuz the bes' natured crowd I wuz ever in. Fryin'-size' boys an' gals a tryin' ther hands at courtin' er ther hearts, I guess I ought ter have said an' ol' women a set-
51
Samanthy Billins
tin' by big baskets of rations an' herdin' young-uns> an' men a chawin' terbaccer an' a swappin' yarns.
We floated down about twenty mile, I'd say; past boats a lookin' at us outen ther big, red eyes an' past forts whar they keep a sharp watch on ever'thing that passes an' on an' on, 'till it got purt' nigh plum' dark.
An' then the stars begun ter pop out all about in the heavens an' the moon slid up frum whar it had been a hidin' an' made a trail acrost the water ter meet us An' then we turned back.
Somehow, all that human chatter sound ed; out o' place, so I wondered back to the eend of the boat so's ter be ter myself.
lAs I wuz passin' along, I seen two figgers, a man an' a woman. The man had his arm aroun' the woman's waist. I had my 'spicions, but I waited 'till I got closter before passin' jedgment It wuz Dory. She had landed a man at Jast an' wuz makin' her plans ter j'ine the army.
of Hangin'-Dog.
I jist went on, an' sot down away frum
the rest an' wuz a dreamin' with my eyes
open, I reckin when all at onct I heerd
music.
>v
I leant over an' looked down on the deck
below an' seen a young chap a standin'
with a1 fiddle ag'in his shoulder. Thar wuz
two er three other fellers a settin' down
with gittarg on ther knees, an' they wuz a
makin' them gittars whisper along, soft-
like, with the tune the fiddler wuz a playin'.
It wuz called a serenade er somp'n of the
sort, wrote by a man ter sing under his sweetheart's winder. I heerd a couple a strollin' by speak of it. They said he died young. Hain't it a pity? He might a wrote more tunes like that an' a made the world better.
It wuz shorely the purties' thing I ever 'spects ter hear this side o' heaven an' I'm allers ter be thankful we come away the nex' day so's I could keep that night an*
53
Samanthy Billins that tune in the best place of my remem brance.
54
Over in tenne$$y
CHAPTER III.
Over in Tennessy
m plum' clean out o' breath! Thought I'd never make it in the world! Thar's a awful black cloud!
Well, I jist did make it, didn't I? Do look how the rain's a comin' down! My!
I come ter the front door an' it wuz shet so tight, I wuz afeard none o' youuns wuz at home but I don't reckin that, out of sich a big fam'ly, it ever happens that you air all away at onct?
I had no idee sich a storm wuz a comin* up. My! Jist look how it's a blowin'! Do you reckin it kin be that it's a fix-in' fer a cyclone?
You've got a storm-pit, hain't you, Mis' Sparks.?
I wuz a settin' down at Sary's a listenin' to the music-box she's got one o' these here talkm'-machines, you know. Have
- 57
Samanthy Billing
you heerd it? It sart'inly is a quare contrapshun. They're sorter skeery things ter me. I cain't see fer my life how they kin box up a feller's voice like that an' him be in another part of the country.
Ther hain't nobody kin tell whut we're a comin' to but the Lord an' He has a way o' settin' a good example by keepin' a few things ter hisself.
All at onct, I heerd a clap o' thunder an' I lit out. 'Lowed I'd git as fur as Jim Finley's anyhow. When I got thar, I thought I'd try ter pull fer here as I wuz aimin' ter stop anyhow. Wanted ter borry the pattern of your basque that'n you had on at the singin,' you know.
Whoee! It wouldn't a been no wonder if I had a fell dead with heart failure. My heart wuz jist a thumpin'!
My lan'! Look a thar! Do you reckin thar's goin' ter be another flood? IJaaow my folks is a wonderin' whar I'm at.
I bet Jinny is skeered in a inch of her life. She let Grover go off a fishin' an' to?
58
of Hanging-Dog.
him if he went in the river an' got drownd-
ed she'd beat him ter death when he got
home. Thar's so much typhoid about that
it's plum' dangerous fer the boys ter go in
the river so much. I know in reason that's
whut brung it on Bill Jester. The Doc.
says he don't see much hope fer him ter
pull through.
Gracious! See that lightnin'?
I used ter be worse skeered in time o'
storms than I am now-a-days.
When Jinny's young uns wuz little bits
o' fellers, I'd git the last huff of 'em ter-
gethep with me an' pile into* the middle of
the featherbed an' pray the whole endurin'
time the storm lasted.
You know I got so afeard of lightnin'
when we lived up at t'other place at the
aidge of Squeeze-Tight cove, you know.
Why, it jist struck all about us out thar.
I think thar must a been mineral on the
place.
This storm 'minds me of when I wuz over
in Tennessy.
.<
59
Samanthy Billins
Didn't you know that, Mis' Sparks? Yes, I used ter live over thar when I wuz a lit tle gal. WeuniS has a heap o' good friends thar. They knowed paw an' maw so well, you know, an' then Pve been back twict myself. To tell the truth, it wouldn't a went so powerful much ag'in my feelin's ter a stayed. You see they treat a body so clever. But I've been allers 1'arnt that thar is sich a thing as wearin' yore wel come out even amongst yore bes' friends, so that's the only reason I ever come back at all.
The las' time I wuz thar I never had a better time nowhars in all my life.
Now, thar you air, Mis' Sparks. You're jist like all the rest of the> women. The first question they ax a body when they git back is, "Whut kind of a time did you have?" an', "Did you ketch a feller?"
No, Mis' Sparks, I cain't say that I kotched one that'll stick. I tol' you the truth when I said that I hain't never had
60
of Hanging-Dog.
no luck in sparkin' er, I might add, fishin'!
To be shore, thar's most allers a few things aroun' that calls therselves men a nibblin' along, but I don't reckin I've got the kind o' bait they're a lookin' fer money, good looks, sense, ner nothin' much that a body'd take frum choice.
Now, thar wuz two er three widerwers sorter a hangin' aroun', but ever' one of 'em lived offen the main road whar nobody couldn't never a saw nothin' an' then ther wives hadn't arry one been dead but a short space o' time.
I used ter be a plum' fool about wider wers, but I've tuck some notice of 'em fer the past few years, an' I mus' say that of late I've got kinder skittish of 'em. 'Spe cially sence Violy Harkis tol' that taFe about her ol' man's first wife a standin' over her in the night a givin' her orders about whut she wanted done with her young uns.
Now you're a talkin'! I don't blame her
61
Samanthy Billing
nuther fer lightin' out. You kin excuse me! I kin stan' live folks a jawin' of me; but when it conies ter dead folks, this chicken's fer movin.'
Thar wuz one widerwer in pertic'ler that hung aroun' right sharp. He taken me to the Grange picnic over at Kiley's big spring 'bout five mile distant It wuz a settlement git-up, you know. You see the folks hanker ter git tergether about onct a year, so ever' feller brings his own rations an' they make a day of it.
Jist at that time, I wuz a stayin' with Mandy Scroggins, an' if we didn't have a caution of a time a gittin' our dinner fixed!
She's got a whole houseful o' brats an' a puny ol' man a mopin' about, you know.
Mandy's powerful high strung which if she wuzn't, I don't figger thar'd be much a doin' about the place. Bed headed, too.
The day before the picnic, she wuz on the back porch a churnin' like the house wuz afire ter git butter without no salt in it, yoai know, ter make a poun' cake /with,
of Hangin'-Dog.
an' wuz a shooin' the flies off with a peachtree lim.' The flies wuz the worst thar 1 ever seen.
An' on top o' that, the childern wuz a hangin' an' a whinin' aroun' ter git somp'n ter lick jist like they allers do when thar's extry doings a goin' on in the kitchen, you know.
An' then on top o' all that, thar wuz the agg'avatenes' ol' yaller cat that kep' a rubbin' of her sides up ag'in the churn, when all at onct, jist like a streak o' lightnin', Mandy jerked her up by the nap' o' the neck an' flung her clean out to the wood pile an' then she hollered ter Sammy ter take her off an' shet her up some'ers whar she'd never hear tell of her ag'in.
Well, atter that, things kinder ca'med down an' we went on a fixin' about the cake an' things. It 'peared ter me that I kep' a smellin' somp'n like hair er feath ers a burnin' but I never thought nothin' about it ner nothin' Mandy had a way o'
63
Samanthy Billins
puttin' the childern's hair in the stove when she combed ther heads.
But when she opened the stove door ter set the cake in, I diskivered the rale trou ble. Thar lay that ol' cat all qu'iled up ag'in the door.
Wuz it dead?
Well, I reckin it wuz. Nobody never heerd tell of it a comin' back ter life that I knows of.
Geemeny! You ought ter a saw Mandy jist about then! Why she would a purt' nigh beat Sammy's liver outen him if she could a ketched him. But he^d skinned out ter the barn fer safe keepin' 'till things had cleared up a bit,
I wuz that sorry fer Mandy. She jist purt' nigh wore herself to a frazzle a scourin' the ol' stove out, an' then the cake turned out sad an' it looked like ever*thing wuz ag'in her that day.
]STaw, she didn't do nothin' to him. He knowed if he'd jist stay out o' sight fer a
64
:
of Hangin'-Dog.
reason'ble length o' time, he'd be safe. Law, it don't take young uns long ter 1'arn whuther you mean whut you say er not.
I've heerd it said that ther hain't never no young uns that's as good as a oP maid's; but if I had a been his maw, I'll bedogged if I wouldn't a used some elbow grease an' limber-Jack on Sammy Scragging? back afore peace wuz made, my name hain't Samanthy Billins.
About the widerwer? Well, the straight of it is like this. Mandy had sot her head that I had ter live a nigh neighbor to her, so this feller wuz the clostes' chance. He had a right good farm you know that if a body has any lan' at all over thar in eas' Tennessy, ther hain't much danger of his fam'ly a starvin' an' nine er ten young uns. I fergit the exac' number. He hadn't never bin about much, but he knowed a few things. Well, he taken me to the picnic- an' drove one of the purties' horses I ever seen. Good horse flesh
Samanthy Billins
is another thing them thar Tennessy folks has down on ther list, an* they don't stan' back on makin' that the subjec' of ther con versation, nuther. Why, the man couldn't hardly talk about nothin' else the whole way over thar.
I've allers heerd that if a man is fond of horses he'll be good to his wife, but I'd hate ter resk the contrac' on jist that ricommendation, wouldn't you?
He 'lowed that this'n used ter be the skeeriest beast you ever seen, but he'd got so he wuzn't skeered of much of anything but a woman. He didn't like ter meet no women folks in the road.
Well, atter that we wuz a trottin' along a talkin' about the horse, mos'ly I reckin I should a said tip wuz, while I wuz a lookin' ahead ter see if I could diskiver any boogers fer the horse; when, all of a sudden, I seen a nigger woman a comin.' at us.
Now, you kin jist believe that mebbe I wuzn't fer jumpin' out! But I didn't want
66
of Hangin'-Dog.
ter let on that I wuz so weak livered, so I jist taken a good holt on the buggy an* waited fer envelopments.
You know a nigger woman totes ever'thing she's got on her head.
Well, this'n had a great wad a bobbin* on her'n, an' here she come a waddlin' up the road.
Whoee! You ought ter a saw that thar horse! He give a snort an' a jump, an' then I tell you he didn't waste no time a gittin' away.
The last I seen of the nigger, she wuz a scrabblin' over the fence an? her wad o* clothes wuz a rollin' down the gully.
Well, after that, I kinder liked the fel ler fer the way he managed that horse. Accordin' ter my jedgment, ther hain't no body that don't think more of a man that kin rise an' be master of the situation whar he's put.
We got to the picnic all right, in spite of the horse, an' I had a oncommon. good time all day. Mis' Sparks, I know you
67
Samanthy Billing
won't believe it, but I purt' nigh fergot all about them thar younguns an' the fear of his wife a ha'ntin' me 'till we wuz headed fer home. Then he tol' me a tale that sp'ilt it all.
I tell you that man wuz either a straightout liar er a onnacheral human bein,' an' I don't calkerlate on tyin' ter one sort ner t'other.
He 'lowed that onct he had the tooth ache an' he went ter the tooth-dentis' ter git somp'n done fer it !tol' him he didn't want it pulled fer ther wuz somp'n wrong with his jaw bone.
It wuz a holler tooth, you know. Well, he said the doctor put some kind o' stuff in it an' it wuz easy in two secon's. An' he wuz a standin' thar a laughin' an' a talkin' ter some fellers that wuz a loafin' aroun' when, all at onct, blim! blum! that tooth biowed lip, roots an' all, an' the first thing he knowed, he wuz a leanin' ag*in a post a hold/in' a whole han'full o' tooth scraps. No, siree! you cain't tell me that
68
of Hangin'-Dog.
thar hain't nothin' wrong with that man! Ouch! My foot's asleep! I have sich a
way o' settin' all scrooched up it's a won der I ain't growed double.
Mis' Sparks, you don't look as well as common. Whut ails you?
Well, if it's a case of cain't sleep, why don't you take some lady-slipper tea? It's the bes' thing fer narvousness an' sleep lessness I knows of. If you air like me, you've got ter have sleep er you ain't worth shucks.
Ter go back ter Tennessy. The nex' Sat'day, I went about ten mile over ter Pon' Creek settlewej^ ter stay awhile with Letty Browser. They wuz our nighes' neigh bors when we lived out thar, you know, so I wanted ter see her an' be nigh the ol' place an' then go ter meetin' at the ol' church the nex' day like I used to when I wuz little, you know.
I got thar about dark; an' as soon as we had et supper, I 'lowed I'd lay out my meetin' clothes so as ter git the rumples
09
Samanthy Billins
outen 'em, when all of a sudden it come ter my min' that I had lef my trunk key on the fire-board at Mandy's.
I wuz that put out with myself. I allers knowed I didn't have much sense, but abody hates fer everybody else ter find it out as soon as they set eyes on you. I tell you, Mis' Sparks, my mem'ry wouldn't sell fer a nickle with a hole in it when it comes ter some things.
Letty had a ol' batch of a brother that wuz a visitin' at home jist at that time he wuz livin' on a ranch some'ers out west an' I had a sort of a sneakin' notion that mebbe him an' me might make it up.
Hain't it quare that I tell you all these here things, Mis' Sparks? When I git away frum you, I'm plum' ashamed of my self fer talkin' so much. But somehow you have a way o' gittin' the inside secrets out of a body in spite of therselves. But don't you never tell nobody. If you do, I'll ha'nt you even if I'm dead an' buried.
You needn't think it strange about me
70
of Hangin'-Dog.
carryin' my trunk along with me. I 'most allers does that. You know without me a tellin' you that I don't never have so aw ful many duds, but I make it my custom ter have all my belonging with me, so's I kin be ready ter step off at any time without trapsin' back home fer my things.
Now, look a here, Mis' Sparks, you need n't be a throwin' up ter me all them things I tol' you when I first knowed you about not keerin' ter git married. No, I don't be lieve I said 'xac'ly that. I said I'd rather not git married as ter have ter go through all them t'other things that forchune-teller fixed up fer me.
An' even if I wuz ag'in marryin* then that needn't hold good now.
All the women folks I've ever knowed has a habit of changin' ther min's, an' I don't reckin. I'll be the one ter break the rule. An' it's my opinion anyhow that if they'd be rale honest, they'd own up ter one an' the same thing they air all a hop-
71
Samanthy Billing
in' that some day they'll git yoked up with
a mate. Hope is a ever-bloomin' flower that'll
grow in 'most any s'ile, you know. Well, we tried all the keys on the place
but none of 'em wouldn't budge that lock; so Orlander, he shucked off his trimmin's an' 'lowed he could prize the thing open. He broke the ax-handle an' snagged the screw-driver, but that didn't fetch it.
I seen the sweat a drappin' offen him, an' I knowed it wuz more'n weather an* work that wuz back of that look in his face.
Men folks wants ter see the women fixed up but they don't like ter take much hand in the job.
Well, of course, I knowed that my "cake wuz all dough" as fur as Orlander wuz consarned, but I kinder got over my disapp'intment by the nex' mornin' an' put on my ol' clothes an' struck out fer meetin' with the rest of the fam'ly.
Ther hain't no use denyin' that I couldn't
T2
of Hangin'-Dog.
help fmm feelin' kinder sad. Thar wuz some folks thar I'd knowed in them past days an' some strangers Thar allers is,' you know.
I toF Letty ter let me be. So I went over in the cornder whar I used ter set at when I wuz a young-un. An* the first thing that popped inter my min' wuz the time when Jim Dorcas, Annie Dorcas's brother whut wuz a preacher, come home an' they called on him ter pray. Me an' Annie wuz a watchin' him through our fingers an' he wuz jist a puttin' on airs a talkin' to the Lord when Annie sidles up ter me an' whispers, "Samanthy, don't he pray perlite?"
It struck me in a funny place an' I snig gered out loud afore I thought, but I tell you I wuz a sniggerin' on t'other side o? my face when pap got through with me that evenin'. Frum that day, I don't reckin Fd a chirped out in meetin' even if a yaller-jacket had a stung me.
No, Mis' Sparks, I didn't hear nothin' the
73
Samanthy Biilins
preacher wuz a sayin' that day. It wuz
somp'n about the projical son, I think, but
I disremember.
I wuz a lookin' out the winder at the
trees in the churchyard an' a thinkin' of
how us younguns used ter play at funerals
an' buiy each other under the red an' yal-
ler maple leaves that kivered the groun' in
the Fall.
I cain't talk ter nobody much about that
day, Mis' Sparks. It 'peared that all the
friends I had ever knowed an' all the trou
ble I had saw endurin' the years atween,
kep' clost by me.
Shucks! I'm sich a baby!
I
got ter git a drink. The gourd's at the
spring, ain't it? No, I'd rather go fer it
myself. Let the younguns be
Well, the nex' place whar I landed taken
some o' the starch outen me. Did you ever
git to a place an' find out atter you got
thar that they wuzn' crazy ter see you?
You have? Well, you don't know how
much comfort it is ter hear you say so!
74
of Hangin'-Dog.
Not that I'm glad you've ever had yer feelill's hurt that away, but "mis'ry loves compJny," you know.
They wuz folks that pap used ter think wuz his bes' friends an' I 'lowed they'd be powerful cut up if I didn't spen' a spell with 'em, but law me! 'taint a good plan ter "count yer chickens before they're hatched."
I hadn't been in the house more'n fifteen minutes afore one of the younguns axed me how long I wuz a goin' ter stay jist like younguns will, you know an' like a guropj 1 up'd an' tol' him.
Now, lemme tell you somp'n, don't you never let on ter folks how long you aim ter stay 'till you've beeni with 'em a spell an' seed the lay o' the lan'. I've been about enough ter know that thar's a plenty of folks in this ol' worl', an' you don't have ter be a honeyin' up nobody fer their compny.
Jist let 'em alone, is my doctern. Kut I wuz thar an' had tol' 'em how
75
Samanthy Billins
long I wuz a goin' ter stay, so thar wuzn't nothin' fer me ter do but ter grit my teeth an' make the best of it an' study up a skuse ter git away which I couldn't with out havin' words.
I'd laugh an' talk all day, jist ter let on like I hadn't tuck notice o' nothin', an? then I'd lay awake at night a cryin' my eyes out a studyin' whut wuz the matter.
No, Mis' Sparks, I don't reckin I'll ever know 'till jedgment day.
Why, they didn't have manners enough ter ax me ter come back when I wuz a tellin' 'em "good-bye." Of course, it wouldn't a been no use fer 'em ter a pestered therselves, noways. It shorely would take more'n aocin' ter git me back under that roof!
Well, now, you may jist believe that I wuz glad enough ter git over ter Sis Mar tin's frum thar. Sis an' me used ter dest tergether at school an' she had wrote me that she couldn't hardly wait fer the time
76
of Hangin'-Dog.
fer ine ter git 'roun ter lier house. So I knowed I could ac' nacheral tliar.'
Sence then, I've figgered it out that mebbe the Lord let me have that onhappy time first fer ballast jist ter keep me frum bein' top-heavy with happiness later on.
Sis an' some o' the nigh neighbors wnz a gittin' ready ter go out on a campin' an' fishin' frolic up in the knobs, so I jist got thar in the nick o' time.
Mis' Sparks, I never et an' laughed as much sence ever I wuz borned into the world.
Thar wuz about fifteen of us in the crowd, you know.
Canny Lambert, one o' the neighbor gals, had a gal frum the city a visitin' of her, so she fetched her along.
Now, my friend, if you want ter app'int a time fer the Fool-killer ter come along, jist tell him ter track one of them little cimlin'-headed city gals when she starts fer the country.
Law, no, you don't have ter make no>
77
Samanthy Billins
s'arch fer her She'll tell you whar she's frum afore you kin bat yer eyes twict.
Why, this here gal, she didn't er let on like she didn't know a log cabin frum a hog pen even when she seen the younguns a lopin' about the yard like wil' rab bits; an' she had sich a spell bekase she had ter eat outen a pewter spoon that Bud Draggle throwed a whole wash-pan of wa ter in her face ter fetch her to.
Them boys, they purt' nigh tormented the life outen her. They fuz too rough, but she 1'arnt several things that trip, I'm a thinkin'.
One night, they made it up ter give her a big skeer, so they taken a passel o? snake rattlers an' come right up ter the shanty whar us gals wuz a sleepin' an' made 'em sing like the whole place wuz alive with snakes. About that time, we heerd chains a clinkin' like the mules wuz a gittin' sor ter res'less, an' then them boys let out ter hollerin', "Snakes! Snakes!"
You ought ter a saw us fer the nex' few
78
of Hangin'-Dog.
minutes Didn't none of us ketch, on1 'cep' the boys that wuz in it, you know.
One of the boys in the crowd wuz sorter weak minded a little off in the upper story, you know.
The moon wuz up, an' the first thing I seen wuz that fool boy, barefooted, a" jumpin* up an' down in the middle of the hot embers of the camp-fire that had burnt down, you know, a jabberin' an' a goin on. He 'lowed he knowed he wuz safe fer he'd be blamed if ther wuz any crawlin' varmint on earth that could keep alive in that place.
An' that city gal wuz n't fur behin', I tell you. She had her head all tied up in a piller-slip ter keep the bugs out of her years, but she managed ter hear the racket; an' afore you could say "Jack Robison," she had bounced out an' up on top o' one of the kivered wagons an' wuz a screechin' an' a savin' her prayers fit ter kill.
Mis' Sparks, I don't reckin thar's ever
79
Samanthy Billins
been another sich a prayer sent up sence the flood.
If I had a knowed I wuz a goin' ter git bit all oyer the nex' minute, I'd a had ter laugh at them two fools. I believe Fd a bu'sted.
Why, we had ter sen' fer the docter fer 'em both an' he 'lowed that the gal wuz about ter git down with narvious persecu tion. That skeered us up; so we let in ter treatin' of her right, an' by the time she lef fer hime she had right good sense.
Law, Mis Sparks, do look at that rain bow! Thar's two of 'em!
The Lord tuck a powerful purty way o' signin' his contrac' with Noey, didn't he?
Ain't that Jim Swanson a comin' down the road?
It's so wet an' slushy, I'll git him ter give me a lift over home.
No, I'd better git on. It's gittin' late. Yes, I know I've sot here a talkin' an' a ramblin' along an' clean fergot I wuz a
80
of Hangin'-Dog. goin' ter tell about tlie storm in Tennessy. It'll keep, I reekin.
You come over. Say, Mis' Sparks, Fve tuck myself off an' fergot the basque pattern. It's a layin' on the cheer. No, you needn't do that Jim's in a sort of a hurry. I'll git it nex' time.
81
Samantby 6it$ a Good Cook at foe Water
CHAPTER IV.
SamantHy Gits a Good LooK
at tKe \Vater
ES, Mis ' Sparks, I've jist got back frum Savanner, an/1 reck-in I had about as good a time as the next 'n; but it's my opin ion that some folks does a powerful heap of exertin' when Summer-time comes. Why, I seed more hot, wore-out folks endurin' of them two weeks than I calkerlate on seem' in the next ten years. That is, if I hain't ketched the ramblin' com plaint myself. You see they pour in on these here 'scursion tickets like droves o* sheep, jist ter gifter go a washin' in the ocean. I had allers heerd that Savanner wuz a powerful purty town; but, lands sakes alive! I wuzn't prepared fer all them thar patches of flower gyardens an' monument
85
Samanthy Billins
down the middle-center of the streets, with the trees a tetchin' overhead.
Thar wuz the greenes' grass, shaved purt' nigh as dost as a man shaves his face, an* these here palm trees, an' scat tered all along wuz great splotches of crepe myrtle. It wuz powerful purty.
It's a plum' meracle ter me that the nig gers don't steal them flowers, but they don't 'pear ter pay no 'tention to 'em.
1 wonder if the folks whut gits ter Heav en will git so used ter the place they'll fergit all about whar they are at.
Them folks down thar shore do live in quare houses. They 'mind me of a man's face whut hain't got 110 eye-brows. They need somp'n' ter keep 'em frum lookin' so blank like.
Why, they wuz set right jam' up even with the sidepath with a little piazzer, not much bigger'n a yard o' caliker, a settin' acrost the front door. An' then it come ter me thet mebbe they jist let ther front yards be in the middle o' the road so's sich
8
:'
of Hanging-Dog.
as me could set down on the grass an* en joy it same as them.
You know I went down to see Reeny. She'd bin kinder porely all spring, so I jist thought I'd run down on one of them cheap tickets an' see her an' git a peek at the ocean, all in one.
Now, I raly wanted ter see her bad, but the older I git the more set I am in my opinion that some folks has a way o' gittin' powerful frien'ly 'long 'bout the time they want a week's board on that sort of a ticket.
You mind that time them Perkin's gals come up here an' claimed ter think so much of ther kin? They wuz paw's fourth cous in on his maw's side. Why, they jist like ter have et us up bardaceously!
Well, that wuz well enough 'till Lindy wanted ter sen' Gallic down ter Atlanter ter have her eyes 'tended to. Then them Perkinses let on like they wuz dreadful sor ry, but they jist couldn't manage ter have her.
87
Sam an thy Billins
Law, you cain't tell me nothin' 'bout them!
But, gracious sake! if you git me started off on them, I'll purt nigh fergit I ever heerd of anything else.
To go back ter Savanner. I seen piles of things I hadn't never even heerd of afore.
Thar wuz Bonnyventure whar so many folks is buried, an' the monstrous oaks all kivered with moss a-wavin' over the graves. It 'minded me of women with ther hair a hangin' down jist a weepin' an' a mournin' fer them that wuz gone.
Speakin' of grave-yards; thar wuz one right down in town that they called a park. Think of it! A grave-yard turned into a park! No, I wouldn't a believed it myself if I hadn't a saw it with my own eyes. Why, some o' them graves wuz a hunderd year old er more. An' thar wuz flowers an' grass an' purty walks an' settees. An' I seen nurse gals out thar with childern, a playin' an' a runnin' over them graves
88
of Hanging-Dog.
an* a laughin' jist like ther never had been no death ner cryin'.
Do you know, Mis' Sparks, I've made up my min' I believe I'd rather be put away like that. It don't seem so lonesome-like.
But, shucks! I could talk ferever about the things I seen thar, but I'll jist jump over ter Tybee, fer that's whar the thing come to a head.
As I said afore, Reeny wuz porely, so Gabe Phillips, Beeny's oP man's secon' cousin, taken me out. The truth is, he wuz powerful civil ter me the whole time I wuz thar.
The first thing we done wuz ter git on the cyars1 an' go out. It wuz about ten er fifteen mile, I'd guess, an' we lit right back of the big boardin'-house, an' Gabe said we might jist as well go on down an' git a good look at the water. He'd been thar before an' knowed how ter do, you know.
'Tain't no use fer me ter try ter tell you
89
Samanthy Billing
how it all looked. You'll jist have ter go down an' see it fer yerself.
Beeny 'lowed it would never do fer me to go out thar 'thout goin' in. Said she'd put some of her clothes in a bag sence I didn't have none with me that wuz fitten. But if I had a knowed how them clothes looked afore I started, you couldn't a pulled me thar with a derrick.
Atter we got thar an' had left my sachel at a sort of a ticket office, Gabe he says ter me, says he, "Let's walk down the bank of the ocean fer a piece."
We went about a quarter an' then sot down on a ol' wreck of a ship ter talk.
It made me plum' sad. I axed him whut ship it wuz an' wuz ther many folks on it?
He didn't know, an' I jist thought thar wuzn't no wonder that that ol' ocean groaned an' tuck on so atter all the trouble it had saw.
Why, I don't believe you could set thar an' look at that water more'n half a hour
90
of Hangin'-Dog.
at a time 'thout gittin' sorter sad er senti mental ter save yer life.
I axed Gabe if he'd ever wrote any poetry. He wouldn't own up, but he looked guil ty' an went ter writin' of a gal's name on the sand with his umbrell. I made it out "Marie" er somp'n' of the sort, an' then he kinder come ter hisself an' wrote "Samanthy" underneath. He didn't like ter hurt nobody's 'feelin's, you know. Atter a while, we went back ter the shed whar the music wuz, an' we wuz a settin' thar a talkin' along when I looked up an' I hope I may drap dead if ever I have ter run up ag'in any quarer lookin' doin's. Why, thar wuz a whole passel of men an' women a runnin' towards the water in clothes you wouldn't a been ketched dead in! An' do you know, them women wuz a tryin' ter let on like they wuz little gals in knee dresses!
91
Samanthy Billins
It wiiz plum' disgustin'! I kinder cast my eyes aroun' on the sly ter see how the rest of the folks tuck it, but they didn't seem ter pay no 'tention to it. My kingdom! It don't take no prophet ter tell whut the world's a comin' to! Then Gabe, he says ter me, that we had better git ready ter go in. Now, Mis' Sparks, I had about made up my mind that I didn't keer ter go in washin' with no sich as wuz out thar in that water. But then I knowed I'd be sorry when I got home if I didn't take all that wuz a comin' to me. So we went 'roun' to the place whar they all go ter git ready, an' a nigger woman tuck my ticket an' unlocked a sort of a stall an' turned me in. Then I opened my sachel, an', do you know, thar wuzn't a blessed thing in it but one of them thar rigs like I'd saw on them t'other women?
92
of Hangin'-Dog.
I jist fell ag'in the wall an* 'lowed I'd give the whole thing up!
When I'd kinder come to, I stuck my head outen the door an' hollered fer the nigger, an' axed her if she didn't have no long dresses for fccent sort of folks ter
wear. She jist shuck that ol' woolly head of
her'n an' laughed like a plum' idgiot, an' 'lowed that all the women wore them knee dresses.
Then I slammed to the door an' gritted my teeth an' 'lowed I could stand it if the rest could thar wuzn't nobody down thar that knowed me, nohow.
Why, I wouldn't a knowed Gabe hisself if he hadn't a spoke. He wuz plum' skeery lookin', I tell you.
Well, we managed ter git to the water somehow, but fer them few seconds I couldn't help frum wishin' I wuz a tarrapin er some other sort of a crawlin' varmint.
At first, I held on ter Gabe with all my might when them waves come a tearin* at
98
r
Samanthy Billins
us, an' I wouldn't wonder if he didn't think he'd struck a pardner fer life. But atter awhile my courage riz an' I let go so^s ter try by myself, but, before I knowed it, it 'peared like one of them thar big waves made a dead set fer me, an' the first thing I knowed I wuz a seratchin' sand at the bottom.
I shorely thought my time wuz up. About that time, a feller dove down an* fetched me up by the hair of my head, an' I let out ter hollerin' fer Gabe. Folks might think whut they wanted to. I didn't keer. I tell you I wuz skeered purt nigh plum' to death; an' you may jist be lieve I held on ter Gabe atter that. Well, ther hain't no use denyin' I en joyed it, in spite of gittin' nearly drownded ter death; but to my dyin' day, I reckon I'll be a puzzlin' my brain ter know why it's decent fer women to cut off ther dresses at the bottom fer the seashore an' off at the top fer sociables.
94
Samanihv Kcb$ the Ramblin' Complaint
CHAPTER V.
Samanthy Ketcties the Ramb-
lin* Complaint.
HUT air you a doin', Mis' Sparks? Makin' yer ol' man a coat? How much goods you got? No more'n that?
I'm afeard you won't git it. Now I allers gits four yards an' a half ter make a coat an' weskit, an' then its mighty scrim py. But of course, the wedth does have somp'n' ter do with it.
Paw wont wear no store-bought clothes at all. In fact, he wont wear no sort 'cep'n' whut I makes fer 'im.
Sometimes when I have trouble a gittin' the things ter set right, I wish I hadn't never 1'arnt how ter sew at all. You know if you don't know how ter do a thing, nobody don't never spect it of you.
99
Samanthy Billins
Do you know that ever* now an' then I take a notion that that's one reason I hain't never got married. I work so everlastin' hard when I'm at home that when I git out I look so ol' an' wore out that the ol' scratch wouldn't have me. Thar's somp'n' in that, as little as you may think of it.
I tell you, a man wants a woman that kin look sweet an' say civil things back to him.
Of course, thar is some lan'-sharks that has a eye fer business an' would prefer a woman that'd be willin' ter work out her board bill; but my platform is ter work when the man works, an' when he gits the craps laid by an' goes a lopin' aroun' over the country, I'm fer lopin' too. Yes, siree!
Yes, Mis' Sparks, I reckin I've ketched Jthe ramblin' complaint at last, fer it seems that the more I go an' see the more I want ter go.
Of course, I hain't like you tied down
100
of Hangin'-Dog. with a ol' man an' a whole houseful o' younguns. That's different.
I work hard fer my money, whnt little I have, an' paw don't raise no objection; so I cain't see no reason ag'in me a goin' when I kin. So let me tell you, I'm fer seein' a few things now ter employ my mind with when I git ol' an' cain't do nothin' but set in the chimley cornder an' smoke.
Do you know, I've come ter believe that if ever'body'd go on some sort of a ja'nt ever' onct in a while, thar'd be less whinin' an' growlin' a goin' on at home. I tell you a body's got ter think about somp'n'; an' if it hain't one thing, it's another an' mos' likely it's ther own agg'avations an' ailments, 'specially if they hain't had no chance ter git nothin' else ter think about.
Well, Mis' Sparks, you know I've been about a little up to the present date, but I'm here ter state that if you want ter see it all at onct, why you jist git yerself tergether an' go ter that thar Fair.
101
LIBRARIES
Samanthy Billins
Law, yes, you could. I seen many a woman out thar with more younguns than you've got a taggin' atter her.
Er, why couldn't you leave 'em at home with Lindy, if you didn't want ter resk takin' 'em? Er, if you wuzn't satisfied ter do that, you might do like one woman I seen.
Her ol' man wuz a totin' of the baby an' her an' the rest of the brats wuz all tied tergether with a clothes line so's they could keep frum gittin' lost fmm each other, you know.
No, didn't nobody take much notice of 'em. They wuzn't in no side-show, you know.
Why as fer quare lookin' folks an' quare doin's you don't have ter do nothin' but stan' still an' watch the percession go bvi I declare ter goodness that it wuz jist like a nest tf maggits Ghinymen, Japs, Injuns, niggers, white folks an' all.
But the main furriners that wuz tuck on over the most wuz them little yaller
102
of Hangin'-Dog.
men frum them thar islands our gover*nient has lately tacked on. Mis' Sparks, it 'minded me of folks a showin' off a ba by, ever* trick they knowed in the world wuz put on exhibition fer the comp'ny.
Hain't it strange how us United States folks acts, anyhow? Jist 'xactly like we wuz the only Vein's on earth that knowed anything.
"Blow yer own horn" is the ol' sayin, an' I'll bedogged if we don't do it right smack dab in the face of ever' furriner that conies in sight.
Well, I reckin if you don't hoi' yer own head up nobody'll do it fer you >An' I calkerlate that we've both lived long enough to diskiver that bluffin' is one of the most conquerin'est perfessions that's practiced.
Whoee! I've had the sleepy gap's ever sence I got back. No sir, a body don't put in much time a sleepin' when you're out on that sort of a razzee. Too much else a gain' on fer that.
I mind one night we come home an' the
103
Samanthy Billins
woman in our room wuz a settin' up a waitin' fer us. Laws a massy! yes! Thar had been three er four different women put in thar with us. The place wuz that crowded you couldn't git a room ter yerself nowhar, an* the woman that we stayed with jist taken in transom boarders while the Fair wuz a goin' on.
Well, this woman had been thar a day er two an' felt kinder like she knowed us.
No, Mis' Sparks, I had done quit axinr names. Thar had been so many different ones chunked in with us that we had done got wore out a tryin' ter keep up with whut ther names wuz an' whar they hailed frum.
It wnz nigh onto one o'clock that night when we got in yes, I know that does sound scan'lous, but folks set up late out thar, I tell you an' do you know that fool woman wuz a settin' up in a cheer, wide awake, a waitin' fer us,
"I'm powerful glad youuns has come," savs she.
of Hangin'-Dog.
"Why, whut's the matter?" says I. Now, whut do you reckin wuz her an swer? No, an' nobody else wouldn't know nuther 'less they wuz a min' reader. "I wuz afeard some stranger would come in," says she. Me an' Koxy looked at each other kind er s'prised an' then we taken a good look at her ter see if she showed any signs o' bein' foolish in the head. "Why, you don't even know narry one of our names," says I, "an', as fur as I kin tell, hain't no idee whar we live at when we're at home." "But I kin look at you an' know thar hain't no harm in you," says she, soft like. Now, Mis' Sparks, I tell you I couldn't help frum feelin' sorter kind towards the woman atter that. Flatt'ry is a bullet that'll go through 'most any kind o' hide, you know. You never seen the like o' mice as wuz in that house! Why, they'd gnaw ever*thing they could git at. It's the truth,
105
Samanthy Billins
you had ter put yer clothes under yore piller at night ter inshore havin' enough whole ones ter put on the nex' mornin'. Roxy vowed that they even kep' her fin ger-nails bit off so dost that she couldn't untie her shoes. That Roxy McSpadden is a plum' sight when onct you git her started!
The strange woman left had ter go home ter git some sleep, I reckin an' me an' Roxy wuz by ourselves fer one night; so w^ 'lowed that sence we wuz used ter readin' the Bible' an' sayin' our prayers evor' night at home we'd take advantage of bein' alone ter keep in practice.
-Roxy wuz a readin' along out loud in the Psalms. We wuz both a settin' up on the bed, feet an' all, bekase we had our shoes off, an' the mice wuz a playin' about on the floor like they wuz a havin' recess.
Roxy's sorter skittish about mice, so when she got through readin', she struck a prayerful persition ag'in the headboard;
106
of Hangin'-Dog.
but I 'lowed I'd do the tiling up right, in spite of the mice, so I mustered up my courage an' slid down on the floor.
I raly wuz fool enough, Mis' Sparks, ter think that them mice would have rever ence enough ter let me git through, but, law! I don't reckin they ever seen a per son pray before!
Why, I hadn't said more'n ten words afore they wuz a playin' leap-frog over my feet; an' the first thing I knowed one of the little nasty varmints' feet tetched mine, kinder cold an' scratchy like. With that I riz with a yell that fetched a perliceman to the front door ter see who wuz a bein' kilt.
Frum now on, the very first thing I mean ter ax boardin'-house women is, "Have you got any mice?", an if so, "Kin you make a affidavit that they'll let the boarders say ther prayers?"
Now, you're a talkin', Mis' Sparks. I'm like yon. I hain't never saw no use on the Lord's green earth fer them insects. I
107
Samanthy Billins
guess Bill Simpson's boy come as nigh a strikin' the nail on the head as the next'n even if he is sorter quare in the upper story.
He 'lowed he couldn't never figger out no use fer 'em no way he could fix it 'thout it wuz ter keep a lazy woman at work a sewin' up sacks. He goes 'round with the thrashers, you know.
You're right, Mis' Sparks, if you don't jog me up an' ax questions, it'll take me a week o' Sundays ter git back to the Fair.
Well, ther air two things a body ought 'er do at first when you git to the grounds. One is ter git on the inte^mule cyars an' ride aroun' the whole business ter git some idee as ter the size of the git-up. An' the next is ter git yerself h'isted up about a hunderd feet er more on a sort of a wheel contrapshun with swingin' cyars so's ter git a bird's-eye glance at ever'thing.
Uow, you needn't say nobody wouldn't ketch you on one o' them things. You
108
of Hangin'-Dog.
don't know whut you'd do. I use tor talk
big too about whut I'd do an' whut I
wouldn't.
il
Mis' Sparks, you cain't tell whuther
you'll swaller er be swallered 'till atter you've saw the size of the fish.
But that wheel-h'isten'-machine shore-
\
ly did give me the alloverest feelin' I ever
had you know I'm kinder swimmy in
the head, anyhow.
I don't know but I'd a been worser off
than I wuz if it hadn't a been fer whut
wuz a goin' on in the cyar a follerin' nex'
ter us.
Why, it wuz a weddin'.
Some gal an' her feller had tuck a fool
notion that they'd git married that a way,
so they brung the preacher along an' had
the whole thing done an' over with while
we wuz a makin' the roun' trip.
Fm like you. It would be more to my
taste ter git married in a stiddier place,
but I reckin marryin', with some folks, is
109
Samanthy Billins
sorter like dyin' you take it when it strikes you.
I wish you could a went with us, Mis' Sparks. Why, thar wuz so much ter see that a body could a meandered aroun' thar fer a solid month an' then not a saw some of the most principles7 things you cain't have no idee of how much tther wuz of it.
The truth is, me an' Boxy kinder got skeered we wuzn't goin' ter see no more'n: whut wuz in one buildin'.
You see, it wuz this a way. We'd git off the cyars at the same gate ever7 mornin', an' thar wuz a big buildin' cram full of intertfstin things .clost by the gate.
Well, we'd sa'nter in kinder aimless like, you know, an' the first thing we'd know we'd hung around in thar 'till it wuz time fer eatin' dinner.
AVe lugged our rations1 along with us, you know, so when we got hongry we'd set down an' eat. That is, we had ter git outside the buildin' but they had cheers
110
of Hangin'-Dog.
an* settees about, so we got along purty fair.
Well, ever' mornin', we'd git in that buildin' by the gate bekase we 'lowed at first it wuz jist as well ter pass through it as ter walk around it, 'specially sence thar wuz so much inside fer a body ter look at.
But in the course o' three er four days like that, we come ter the conclusion that we'd better not trust ourselves inside 'less we'd made up our minds ter cut out the rest of the show which we hadn't so it 'peared that the only way ter manage wuz ter hold each other by the hand an' steer in another direction.
But I tell you, Mis' Sparks, we had got in sich a habit o' goin' in that buildin' it wuz kinder like Roxy wuz about them jewelry counters that wuz scattered about everVhars. They had beads an' shawls an' wood things on 'em ter sell fer keep sakes, you know.
Why, I had ter pull her away frum 'em
111
Samanthy Billins
ever' few minutes. My arm's purl' nigh as sore as a b'ile yit fnun it.
She give you a string o' them beads, didn't she?
Well, you needn't git noways oneasy, fer she's got 'em fer you. I never seen a woman buy as many beads sence ever I wuz borned. I tell you, I couldn't see ter my soul how she wuz a goin' ter tote 'em home.
Speakin' of totin' things, makes me think o' somp'n' them folks frum Alasky had along with 'em. They called 'em tote'em poles.
Now, wait a minute, an' I'll tell you all about 'em leastways, all I know about 'em.
They is somp'n' like sign-posts er these here telegraph poles, only bigger 'round, an' they set 'em up in ther front yards ter let folks a passin' by know who they air an' who ther gran'daddy wuz. They wuz the quares' lookin' things, all painted with
112
of Hanging-Dog.
blue an' white an' red, an' faces an' lizards an' all sorts o' vermin cut out on 'em.
Shucks! you know I couldn't any more read 'em than a Guinea nigger; but they say them Alasky folks kin, an' they is jist as proud of ther ancesters as any of our Revolution folks.
As ter them that hain't got no back hist'ry, I reckin they do like some of us take a side seat an' 'pear not ter lay much store on that sort of thing.
I reckin, fer some reasons, it's a right goodi plan ter let them poles tote the fam'ly hist'ry. It saves talkin', if nothin' else.
Sonic folks in our country would be put clean out o' business if that wuz the law, wouldn't they?
Whut's that I smell? You're a ,makin' light-bread, hain't you? I tell you ther hain't no kind o' bread that kin beat the ol' salt-riser. I shorely would a been holp up if I'd a had a chunk of it ter a chawed on while I wuz at the Fair.
113
Samanthy Billins
How's yore way o' makin' it? My 'sperience is, if you want ter make good lightbread, let it set awMle in the oven before you put the led on. If you slap the led on right at the start, it'll make it tight an' I never did love right tight, slick bread. I never got as tired of anything in all my life as I did of eatin' col' vittels. Why, the woman that kep' us didn't even give us nothin' hot fer breakfas' 'cep'n coffee. An' that wuzn't the rale thing. They called it that, but it wuzn't. Law, you cain't fool ol' Samanthy Bil lins! But I drunk it an' never let on. An', on top o7 that, purt' nigh ever* mornin', she'd have a little dish of shavin's a settin' at our plates. Yes, the rest et it an' 'peared ter git along all right; but I tell you, you'll have ter hoi' my nose an' beat me in the back ter git sich as that down me. That reminds me. You know whut a good ol' man Oallie Henson's paw is? An'
114
of Hangin'-Dog.
another thing you know is that Jim Davis hain't never had much time spent on him in religious trainin'. Hain't it so?
Well, Jim wuz sorter a courtin' of Gallie an' one Sunday evenin' she axed him ter stay fer supper.
You know Jim. Don't nobody have ter pull his years off ter git him ter whar thar's any eatin' ter be done.
Well, they say, he clapped hisself down ter the table an' went ter helpin' of Hsself ter beans an' 'taters an' a chicken leg jist like he wuz at home, you know, when oP man Henson looked at him over his specs an' says,
"Hold on thar^ young man. We allers says sompV before we go ter eatin'."
Jim kinder laughed, teased like, an' says back, says he,
"Say on, you cain't turn my stomach!" It's a fact. They say the boys got hold of it an' purt' nigh worried the life outen him. I've heerd that that wuz the main reason he went off ter Idyho.
115
Samanthy Billins
Well, as I tol' you, I got powerful hongry fer somp'n' that wuz hot an' fitten ter eat, so I says ter Boxy that I wuz a goin' ter have one main bait before I struck bach fer Hangin'-Dog. You see we hadn't had nothin' but^whut the boardin' house woman had dealt out to us an' the little snack we taken out frum the grocery store ever* day. It wuz this a way. We'd jist buy up a bit o> cheese an' bread an* canned stuff an' it would do us fer some time: 'till it wuz et up, in fact.
Now, Mis' Sparks, lemme give you a bit of advice. Don't you never go a totra' yer grub to the Fair ground in no shape ner fashion if you have any reason ter believe thar'll be any eatin'-houses in reach. I mean if you expects ter do much walkin* about. Fer sometimes it's a right smart discomfit ter tote yer mail about atter you have et it, but it shorely is ai plum' tor ment ter be pestered with it before you have et it.
Well, I set my heart on "fillin' up" at
116
of Hangin'-Dog.
the bes' boardin'-house in the town we didn't go out to the grounds that las' day, you know so me an' Boxy knocked aroun' an' about the town an' axed a few questions^ an' the first thing we knowed we butted right into the very thing we wuz a lookin' fer.
I never let on ter Koxy, but I tell you the place wuz so fine an' shiney with so many lights an' things that my courage kinder give way an' fer a little I'd a backed out didn't see no sign of eatin' a goin' on, nohow, an' that wuz whut we wuz atter, you know but I seen a frien'ly lookin' ol' feller a settin' off ter hisself^ so I sa'ntered acrost ter him an' axed him if he had et.
He 'lowed he had. That skeered me. I wuz that hongry I could a et raw gourds. I wuz afeard they'd had sich a crowd ever'thing wuz et up. "But I think they could make arrange ments fer youuns," he said, an' made a
117
Samanthy Billins
motion ter a brass-button boy that wuz a hoppin' about like he wuz atter Junebugs, an' to? him ter show us up.
Me an' Koxy follered along sheep fash ion. Hadn't no more idee whar we'd land than nothin' 'till he waved his han' to a room full o' tables.
By that time, in sich a fine, clean place, you know, I begun ter feel like a little soap an' water an' breshin'-up wouldn't do no harm ter a body's appetite, so I axes the little Juttnpin'-Jack whar the wash-room wuz.
He looked kinder pleased-like an' wheeled about to t'other side of the house us a trottin' right at his heels.
Now, I've been a travellin' about enough by this time ter 1'arn that folks don't feed you jist fer the pleasure of yer comp'ny, so I axed him how much they had fer a mail.
"A dollar an' a half," says he, prompt. I knowed on the spot that the boy wuzn't lyin' about it. Well, sir, I didn't rest myself ter look
118
of Hangin'-Dog.
at Boxy even out of the cornder of my eye 'till we got shet up in the wash-room. An' then she sot her foot down that she wouldn't pay it. Said she couldn't eat up that much stuff in a whole week an' she wuzn't goin' ter let 'em rob her like'that.
Mis' Sparks, that wuz the only rucus Roxy an' me has ever had, but she wua; hongry an' so wuz I so we 'lowed we wuz into the thing an' we'd manage ter pay out somehow.
Then we went to the dinin'-room ana set down at a table an', Mis' Sparks, do you know thar wuzn't a blessed thing ter eat in sight! Law! no, they don't put it whar you kin choose. You jist have ter guess at whut they've got an' tell the wait er ter fetch it in an' mebbe you kin eat it an' mebbe you cain't.
Do you know, I believe I'd kinder like that way o' doin' if I wuzn't so everlastin' hongry. Sorter like fishin' in a mill-pon', you know you cain't tell 'till it's in sight
119
Samanthy Billins
whuther you're a ketchin' a water-dog er a mud-turkle.
By tlie time we had got set down good, one o' them waiters skeets up ter me an' pokes a catalogue in my face an' axed me if I'd like ter look at it.
I could a 'most bit his head-off, black an' woolly as it wuz, but I kep' my temper down ter tongue work, an' tol' him that I wuzn't thar fer readin', an' that if he didn't fetch us somp'n' ter eat, an' that quick, I'd know the reason why an* Tie would too.
With that, he shot out an' before I could figger out whuther he had went atter somp'n' er had runned away, he wuz back with a little dab o' butter an' a stack of that cold wasp-nes' bread.
Well, sir, I wuz that mad I could a swore, church member as I am! Thar we wuz a payin' a dollar an' a half fer stuff that we could a got fer a nickel'Some'ers else!
Well, I looks the nigger straight in the
120
of Hangin'-Dog.
eye an' says I, "Now, look a here, I don't want no lyin' ner beatin' about the bush in this matter. I want ter know if thar's any cookin' ever done in this here boardin'-house?"
"Ya'as'm," says he, a pullin' at his fin gers like he wuz a milkin' of a cow.
"Well," says I, "I want ter see some of the vittels, an* I want 'em hot an' I want 'em quick."
Well, Mis' Sparks, you ought ter a saw that nigger a hoppin' aroun'. I raly got sorry fer 'imj that is, atter I had sent a few mouthfuls of grub down ter the place that wuz a callin' fer it.
You never seen sich a sight o* good things ter eat sence ever you *wuz borned! I et an' et an' et, an' then had ter leave more'n I'd swallered.
The nigger tried his best ter git ua ter eat more, but I says ter him, "My land o' Goshen! I'd like ter know whar I'd put it! I've done et a plum' gouge already."
With that, I handed him ja, dime fer his
121
Samanthy Billins
sarvices an' then we lit out so's ,ter git ter the station in time.
Hain't them oF yaller buffs in that bas ket thar? Well, I don't know whenever I've saw any before. It's a plum' miss with us 'bout fruit this year.
Yes, I likes apples the best of any fruit that grows, but jist now my teeth is in sich a bad fix I cain't chaw hardly nothin' ter speak of.
Need a plate bad. I 'lowed the nex' time the tooth-dentis' come along, Fd git him ter take the expression of my mouth fer one.
My teeth has been a pesterin' of me right sharp all Fall. Two er three nights here las' week I didn't sleep a wink.
Wish ter gracious I could squelch 'em like Sis Gable done.
She says she had the toothache that bad one night that she purt' nigh went plum' crazy. She done everything she could think of helt a bag o' hot salt ter it,
122
of Hangin'-Dog.
chawed terbaccer, smoked an' everything, but no-thin' wouldn't settle it.
At last, she got mad an' grabbed up a buck-shot an' drapped it in the .holler an' chawed down on it. Sis says, that that ol' tooth hain't never been heerd frum sence that day. An' that wuz ten year ago.
Shucks! Mis' Sparks, I reckin you think I'm the ramblenes' talker you ever run up ag'in.
Sometimes I think, myself, that my min' is jist like quicksilver. You, drap it on the floor an' try ter pick it up with yer fingers, an' see whut happens That's me.
Well, as I wuz sayin', we went over to the station frum the boardin' house. An' when we got thar, we heerd that our train wuz more'n three hours behin' time.
I wuz fer settin' in the big waitin'-room like white folks, but Boxy .wouldn't hear to it. She 'lowed the train might come without us a knowin' it if we got off that a way. She wuzn't fer bein' left, so I had
123
Samanthy Billins
ter go 'long with her an' hang about out in the shed.
No, Mis' Sparks, thar wuzn't no cheers er settees out thar, but thar wuz two sets of big, wide steps a comin' down frum iip-stairs, so me an' some other wo men managed ter git a spell o' res' now an' then atween times fer the perliceman ter come along an' wave his club an' order us ter git out of the pass-way.
Yes, I wuz kinder skeered right at first, but atter a little it struck me that thar wuz so many of us he wouldn't 'member one frum t'others no-way; so I jist kep' my eyes peeled an' when I seen him a eomin', I riz like I wuz a goin' some'ers, an' when he'd pass I'd set ag'in.
No, siree, Bob! Boxy wuzn't takin' no chances fer gittin' left, I tell you. She'd wonder over ter the inflammation stan' ter ax whut track the train would come in on, an' whut time, about ever* fifteen min utes, an' then she'd go back ter the iron gates an stan' an' look. It wuz fixed up
124
of Hangin'-Dog.
sorter like it wuz at Washin'ton, you know couldn't git in 'till the cyars wuz, thar an' you showed yer ticket. I never knowed Koxy ter be so set on gittin' away.
No, I don't think it wuz nothin' but she wuz sorter narvious an' wore out.
I like ter a died a laughin' at her an1 them inflammation boys. They wuzn't nigh growed; but, I'll declare ter good ness! they could tell you more in a minute than a common person could take in in a week.
You know Boxy ain't fur behin' when it comes ter axin' questions, but laws a me! she couldn't hold a light ter none 0* them boys.
She'd ax a question, kinder slow an' keerful-like so's they'd be shore ter understan' whut she meant, you know an' they'd answer back so prompt that it would hit her so sudden she'd bounce out about three foot an' then look at me, dazedlike.
125
Samanthy Billins
I'd say, "Eoxy, have you found out whut you wanted ter know?"
She'd look at me, sorter blank, an' say, "No, Samanthy, I don't know nothin'."
Think of it! Eoxy McSpaddeu a comin' to sich a pass!
You say you don't "believe it, Mis' Sparks? Well, you needn't 'less you want to, but I'd be willin' ter put my han' on a stack o' Bibles as high as this house an.' swear that Eoxy McSpadden got to the place wha-r she couldn't a tuck the blueribben on axw? questions, an' wouldin't a got no notice at all on figgerin' out the answers.
Well, atter I had follered her about fer a spell, I calkerlated that she wuzn't a goin' ter git herself left ner me nuther so I settled myself on the steps,ter study human nater. It wuz the bes' chance I ever seen, fer thar wuz folks a swarmin' about thar frum ever' place the Lord has down on his map.
I figgered that the most of em' had
12(5
of Hangin'-Dog.
come tliar fer pleasure, but, I tell you, ther countenances wuz sorry sign-boards.
Why, I never seen sich a ware-out, wor risome getherin' in all iny days! An' ever'thing wuz in a constant work, men, wo men, an' childern.
That, with the racket of the ingines an' cyars wuz purt' nigh enough ter run a body ravin' crazy. But I felt of myself ever' now an' then ter see if it wuz me, an' managed ter keep my head.
Mis' Sparks, I thought of a thing while I wuz a settin' thar that had never come ter me before. An' that wuz, the great pains the Lord goes to ter put folks tergether so's we kin know one frum fother.
We all has a nose, two eyes, two years, an' a mouth. Now, whut makes the dif ference?
It's jist the shape an' set of 'em. Now, shore enough, hain't it strange it's that a way? Narry two alike unless it's
127
Samanthy Billins
a case of twins an' even then, thar*s somp'n ter know 'em by.
No, we hadn't never saw hair ner hide of narry one of 'em afore that time, an' the chances is that we never will ag'in. Jist like the water in a river, you know.
If a body would stop an' think, you could git a right big sarmon on that subjec'.
The truth is, Mis' Sparks ,we never seen notMn* on the whole trip that we'd ever saw afore 'cep'n the figgers an' things in the government buildin' out at the grounds.
Them figgers wuz made ter riprisent men in army clothes, past an' present, an' folks frum the different countries of the earth, you know.
We had saw 'em in Washin'ton, you know. They wuz jist moved over ter the Fair fer the time bein'.
They looked powerful nacheral an' be fore I knowed it, I wuz a smilin' at 'em. I won't say it fer sartin, but I'm purty
128
of Hangin'-Dog.
shore I seen Roxy a tryin' ter shake hands with one of 'em. Of course, she wuz doin' it jist fer foolishness, but ther hain't 110 use denyin' it holp us up eonsider'ble ter see them familiar faces. We wuz both a right smart piece frum home, you know.
Say, air you a goin' over ter Lick-Log ter hear Abe Lovin' nex' Sunday?
They tell me he's got ter be a master preacher. Thar wuzn't no prophet in this country that could a tol' it ten years ago, wuz ther?
I know ter my soul that when he wuz a growin' up he wuz about the agg'avatines' piece I ever set my two peepers on. Why, I've saw many a time when, if I'd a been his paw, I'd a skinned him alive.
But folks is kinder like wheat you've got ter thrash 'em out afore you kin tell much about whut kind of a crap you've got.
I've heerd that Abe hit it mighty hard when he first went west. Well, I wish 'im well. That's all I kin do; an' it' my
129
Samanthy Billins
opinion that if all the folks that says it raly meant it, this ol' world would be a sight better off.
Thar wuz another thing that come ter my min' while I wuz a settin* in the shed that night a watchin' the crowd. Ever*body a pushin' an' a scramblin' an' a lookin' out fer nobody but therselves;
Do you know that this ol' world is a starvin' fer kindness an' kin' words? An' tlon't hardly any of 'em know jist whut's a ailin' 'em.
I tell you, short-sighted selfishness is at the bottom of the whole business.
I hain't no money ter speak of but it don't take that to furnish me with kin' words fer my feller travellers.
I hain't no 1'arnin' it don't take that. Do you know, you git purty much whut you give. Smile at a chil' an' nine times out o' ten it'll smile back at you. I tell you, Mis' Sparks, I've come1 to believe that it's one of the very best inTes'ments a body kin' make. That is, if
130
of Hangin'-Dog.
you're honest in it an' have the right spent in you.
Hain't it strange, though? I'm jist like you. Sometimes, it seems like I'd ruther have a eye-tooth pulled than ter say a kin' word back when a body has agg*avated me. Law, yes, I giner'ly snarl back an' give 'em as good as they send. But that hain't right.
Ever'one of us ought ter clim' a moun tain now an' then jist ter see things in ther right perpo'tion. I tell you, it'd make some of our souls look so little an' swiveled-up that they'd rattle in a hicko'nut hull.
In Natur*, it's not the thing that gits, but the thing that gives, that counts. No body don't want a rose-bush that don't never have no roses on it.
131
Che Smell of the
CHAPTER VI.
The Smell of the HoneySticKle.
OWDY, Mis' Sparks? You needn't git up. I'll git a cheer myself. How's yer rheumatiz? It's comp'ny you'd
like ter git shet of, I reckin? Yes, I knowed you couldn't come, an'
I've been tryin' ter git over ever sence 1 got back. But you know Eoxy McSpadden is down with the typhoid an' I've been a settin' up with her. She's better now an' if she don't git no back-set, she'll be out afore long.
Thar's a sight of fever this year any way. The trees has been a dyin' all about, an' when you see that you may jist look out.
No, Mis' Sparks, I didn't git over ter tell you "good-bye" afore I started. The truth
135
Samanthy Billins
is, the whole thing wuz sorter jumped-up an' I didn't have much more'n time ter say grace over my duds an' light out.
You see it wuz this a way. You know Adner Tumlin has been a comin' up here on Hangin'-Dog fer the pas' few summers ter git away frum the heat in the low country?
Well, somehow, er other, she has tuck a likin' ter me an' is allers a doggin' at me ter go off some'ers with her. She 'lowed she'd enjoy me helpin' her ter see things. So this time she writ that she wuz a wantin' ter go ter Asheville right away, but that her paw wouldn't let her move a peg without somebody older'n her went with her, an' she'd made up her minr that / wuz the person fer the compardnership. 'She's a young-like thing, you know, an' hain't never been about so powerful much.
So that's how it wuz. I give in. To tell the straight of it, ther wuzn't much givin' in ter do, fer I'd allers had a
136
of Hangin'-Dog.
hanker ter go thar anyhow. I'd heerd so much of the place.
The main reason I'd put, off goin' with Adner them other times wuz she is so used ter spendin' so much money when she gits away frum home that I knowed I couldn't go the gait, an' a body don't keer ter go aroun' with a stingy look on ther
face. So I sot down an' writ her the facts in
the case. I tol' her that though I wuzn't no objec' of charity at present, that I wuz a gallopin' right head-long fer^the porehouse by the way I wuz a trapsin' about over the country, but that I'd resk it. I recldned that if I did land in the porehouse, I'd be able ter earn my salt by tellin' the other folks on the county whut I'd saw in my ba'my days, an' mebbe do some good in this ol' worl' atter all which is more'n I kin speak fer at the present.
She wanted me ter meet her in Atlanter. Yes, that wuz considerable out o* my way; but she knowed I hadn|t never been
137
Samanthy Billins
thai", so she 'lowed it'd be a good place fer a starter.
She wuz ter a met me at the station but, instid of her a meetin' me, a right smart sized monkey, I called him, all dressed up in red grabbed my sachel as soon as I lit frum the cyar an' went a runnin' up the steps with it and me a hittin' the grit right atter him.
At first, I wuz kinder skeered he'd git away with it, but I knowed he'd have a tough time of it with me so clost to 'im, so I never said nothin', ner let on.
He made a bee-line fer the big room whar all the white folks sets an' drapped it like a hot cake. I looked fer him ter hold out his cap fer a nickel, but he didn't. I've heerd that they have got a new way of trainin' em down thar.
Adner wuz in the settin'-room they wouldn't let her git down to the cyar, she said so as soon as I had blowed a bit, we struck out.
They say Atlanter is purty much on the
138
of Hangin'-Dog.
order of New York. No, it ain't nigh as "big, but some of the folks down thar dbii't know it. It's a swellin' powerful fas', though.
We didn't stay thar fer long. We'd started some'ers else, you know, an' we wuzn't satisfied ter tarry on the way.
The main thing that Asheville is norated fer is, it's considered a good place fer new-married folks ter go an' spen' about two weeks a spoonin'. The air an' scenedry somehow helps ter keep up the senti mental feelin', you know.
An' thy tell me that a heap o> folks, 'specially them as has a right smart o' money, has a understandin' with ther nerves ter give out about the right time o' the year, an' then they hike off to the mountains of North Carliny. An' Askevilte stands fer the wlioU thmg with some folks.
Them frum the North takes.it in the Winter, an' them frum the South prefers the Summer. Yes, it does look like ther
139
Samanthy Billins
wuz a understandin' about it. I don't know. But I know this much, if they wuz ter all take a notion ter come at onct, I don't know whar in the name o5 sense they'd put 'em.
Speakin' of new-married folks. Tliar wuz one couple on the cyars that ther wuz no mistakin'. They got on about ten mile out.
The gal had on a white rig an' a bunch o' wilty flowers pinned right about over her heart.
Thar wuz a plenty of room in the cyar, but, law, they didn't know it. He scrooched hisself up in one eend of the seat an' helt her on his lap the whole way. When they lit frum the cyars, they put ther arms 'round each other's waistes an' started off, lookin' sorter sheepish like they had stol'd somp'n'.
The folks standin' 'round let in ter laughin' fit ter kill. An' some little sassy boys got ter hollerin' somp'n about "Ruby, when did you git in?"
140
of Hanging-Dog.
The feller didn't 'pear ter pay no 'tention at first, but I seen he wuz a gittin' red about the years, an' I knowed if we'd hang around a few minutes^ we'd see somp'n' happen.
Well, he stood the guyin' about as long as he could an' the first thing we knowed, he faced 'round like a wil'-cat an' taken atter them boys like he'd chaw 'em up, hair an' all.
Jist at that p'int, a perliceman steps up an' takes charge of him, an' then he changed his chune an' went ter blubberin' like a baby. Said he didn't keer fer hisself, but he didn't like fer nobody ter be a makin' fun of Luce.
I'd a give a five doller bill, pore as I am, ter a had Josh Carter pop up at that min ute. It would a did him good. He's sich a woman-hater, you know.
You mind whut he said when Bill Simmins wuz a haulin* lumber ter buil' the house fer him an' Oory afore they wuz mar ried?
141
Samanthy Bill ins
Aw, Mis' Sparks, you don't mean ter say you hain't never heerd that!
I know it mus' be the truth fer Charley Bowman swears he said it ter him.
They wuz a settin' on the side of the road a chawin' terbaccer an' a whittlin' narry one of 'em don't never do much of anything else, you know an' Bill went by with a load.
An' Josh, he says, says he, "Wa'al; wa'al, WA'AL, hain't it a strange thing that folksi will git married!
"Ther hain't nothin' but trouble frum beginnin' ter eend.
"Wa'al, as you say, it may do very well fer some folks, but fer a feller that's as pore as I am, if he don't git a gal whut's got somp'n' he'd better let the whole thing alone fer it's nothin' but trouble, I tell you, frum beginnin' to eend.
"Wa'al, I reckin it is all right fer some folks though. It's accordin' ter the way of natur; an' if mos' folks don't git married,
142
of Hangin'-Dog.
-I reckin they think they might jist as well be dead.
^An', I 'spec' it is a very good thing fer some folks, an' then I reckin it has kep'' some folks out of the penitentiary, an* some frum bein' hung.
"But you kin jist put it down fer dead sartin that as shore as the Lord made little pertaters, that He made a heap 0** little folks whut thinks that they'd be fitten. fer president er anything else if they could only git married.
"Now, when I see a feller like Bill a gittin' off, I jist figger it out without no figgers at all er paper er pencil ner nothin', that thar hain't but one kind of a woman that won't git married an' that's a dead: woman."
Well, atter the perliceman had settled the new-married man, we got in a rig1 anr driv' out to the boardin'-house. No>, we didn't stay right in town; kinder out ter one aidge, dost ter whar that rich man frum the North has his place. They say
143
Samanthy Billins
it's more in style to stay out thar costs more, you know.
It's one of the biggest boardin'-houses I ever seen, an' it wuz plum' full of lodgers, most of 'em women folks.
Purty soon atter we got thar, I seen the folks a gittin' in line afore a door an' a jabberin' an' goin' on like sparrers, so me an' Adner 'lowed we'd go along too an' see whut wuz the excitement Didn't want ter miss nothin', you knew, sence we wuz payin' sich a high price. They wuz jist a waitin' ter git in the eatin'-room an' wuz skeered they'd git cut out o' ther place if they did'nt git thar first.
I tell you this here eatin' business fetch es folks to a common level, don't it? That's one time you cain't tell country folks frum town folks 'cep'n by the way they gits the Tittels to ther mouth.
Well, me an' Adner got in an' set down, an' a nigger come a bowin' an' a scrapin* an' pulled out a cheer an' made a motion fer me ter set down. I wuz kinder skeered
144
of Hangin'-Dog.
lie wuz fixin' ter play a trick on me, so I jist let on like I wanted ter stan' a minute ter look about an' see if any of my friends wuz thar, when all at onct I felt somp'n shove up agin me an' I give 'way in my knees an' flopped myself down in the cheer as nice as a basket of chips.
An' then, he helt out one of them thar cyards like I'd saw at that hotel when we wuz at the Fair. By this time, Mis' Sparks, I had 1'arnt whut they wuz fer. Why, they air fixed up so the boarders '11 know whuther the niggers is tryin' ter cheat 'em out of ther vittels er not.
But I have a idee that the folks in charge had fergot they wuz in Ameriky, an' had writ the whole bloomin' thing out in a furrin' language.
I didn't let on, but made a bluff at pickin' out the bigges' dish they had on it least ways, I jedged frum the name of it on the cyard an' tol' the nigger ter show it up.
An' whut do you reckin it wuz? Mis'
Samanthy Billins
Sparks, I'm raly ashamed fer you ter know I waz sich a fool. It wuz nothin' on the Lord's green earth but hog" meat an' cab bage.
A! rose by arry other name might smell as sweet, but I'll bedogged if a body wouldn't run a resk in some places if he didn't take Msself ter the gyarden ter pick it.
lAn' then, do you know, that nigger stood off an' never moved his eyes offen us 'till we'd et up the las' smidgin' of the stuff, an' then had the impudence ter poke that cyard in my face ag*in an' ax me if we wouldn't have more.
Do you know, Mis' Sparks, I didn't have no better sense than to git mad an' tell him to shet his mouth?
About the time we wuz gittin' ready ter leave, some other folks come in an' sot down at the same table with us. An' then I ketched on an' seen whut a fool I'd made of myself.
Why, the way you do is ter pick up the
146
of Hanging-Dog.
cyard, knowin'-like, an' have the nigger look over yer shoulder while you run yer finger down it, sorter hesitatin' now an* then, an' jabber along a chawin' yer words so nobody hain't no idee whut you air a sayin'. The nigger don't know, nuther, so the way he fixes it is ter fetch up the whole lay-out, an' then you kin suit yer own ap petite.
I tell you thar hain't nothin' better*n travel fer 1'arnin', an' I'd advise ever*body ter stop at a rich folks' boardin'house onct er twict jist ter ketch on to a few things.
I never wuz as lonesome in all my life as I wuz them first few days afore I got ac quainted. I jist tell you if you want ter git a good dost of lonesomeness, jist drap yerself down in a big crowd whar you don't know nobody. Why, Mis' Sparks, settin' up on ol' Tusquittee BaP by yerself couldn't tetch it.
Of course, I had Adner, but she 'wuz as bad off as I wuz. But I jist put in my
147
Samanthy Billing
time a studyin' human natur. An' atter awhile, I begun ter git the folks kinder sorted out, an' I tell you it would a made a dog laugh to have saw some of 'em. Thar wuz picter painters a settin' about like frogs a tryin' to draw soinp'n' ter take home with 'em. Some of 'em could do purty well, but I tell you that, fer most of 'em, folks 'd have ter see the rale thing afore they'd know how it looked.
'An' then, thar wuz writers a mopin' aroun' an' a strollin' off by therselves a lookin' like they had los' ther las' friend. You kin excuse me frum writers. Thar's somp'n' quare about 'em, ter my mind.
An' then, thar wuz a whole raft of jist ord'nary folks that didn't 'pear ter have no pertic'lar objec' in life but ter eat, an' sleep an' set around. The last huff of 'em may be used ter doin' ther washin' at home, but my land! they don't tell it when they git out.
An' sich airs! You never seen the like! Thar wuz one big fat woman that wuz
148
of Hangin'-Dog.
alters a takin' on. The funnies' thing hap pened one Sunday. Me an' Adner an' two er three other gals 'lowed we'd go down ter the little church whut some rich folks had built down at the foot of the hill. So we went an' wuz a settin' thar in the mid dle of the preacher's text a, castin' our eyes aroun' sorter ter see if we 'could lo cate the rich folks I mean the ones that we'd heerd so much about when this big ol' fat woman come a puffin' in.
She didn't stop at the back like she ought ter a done bein' so late. Law, no, not her. She had on too fine clothes fer that, She jist waddled down towards the front an' wuz a gittin' herself in shape ter set down, when all of a sudden a man at the back of her retched over an' jerked a little skeered youngun out frum under her. Why, she would a sot right slap dab on her an' a never knowed it!
Well, us gals got that tickled I thought we'd have ter leave the meetin'-house. Of course, we'd a been plum' disgraced if we
149
Samanthy Billins
had a laughed out, but I had presence of min' enough ter lean over on the back of the bench an' let on like I wuz a prayin'. They wuz tunin' up fer a bit of music jist then, anyhow.
The other gals ketched on an' we prayed hard fer about five minutes, er sich a mat ter, an* then I heerd somp'n' a rattlin'. I looked up, cautious-like, an' seen that rich feller a comin' at us. I shorely thought we wuz in fer it, but, do you know, he wuz jist a passin' a plate a beggin' fer money! Yes, that rich man!
No, siree! Mis' Sparks, it wuzn't no hat\ It wuz s, sort of a fancy dish all fixed up so's everybody could see 'xactly whut you wuz a puttin' in.
It wuz plain that he believed in folks a payin' fer whut they got which is right, I guess, sence it hain't much religion ter encourage beggin' an' spongin'.
You've heerd about his place, hain't you, Mis' Sparks? Well, it's the beatenes' thing you ever seen. Why, he owns more lan'
150
of Hangin'-Dog.
than he kin work ter save his life. Jist has it fixed up ter look at an' so he won't have no nigh neighbors a borryin' things, they tell me.
At first, I couldn't help frum bein' kin der envious 'till I heerd that the main rea son why he'd come thar wuz fer his health.
Now, Mis' Sparks, lemme tell you somp'n'. I'd ruther be able ter set my chin over my table an' eat my three square mails a day an' then go ter sleep with a clean conscience than ter be arry rich man I ever heerd of.
Sick him! Here, Dash! Thar's a pig a rootin' in yer 'tater patch! Sooee! Here, Dash, here! Now, I wonder whut's became of that dog!
Thar he is Take 'im, Dash! That's the bes' dog I ever seen. Got more sense than mos' folks. It's the truth. Whut's become of your'n? Been havin' fits? Laws a massy I Mis' Sparks, hain't you skeered he's a goin' mad? I'd kill 'im. Well, now, I've allers heerd that assafit-
151
Samanthy Billing
teddy wuz good fer childern, but I would n't resk notliin short of p'izen on a dog that had fits.
Speakin' of pigs. You ought ter a saw them out thar at Biltmore. They wuz the fines' I ever seen. But my lan'! I don't see how they could a holp it, with all the keer they had spent on 'em. Why, thar wuz men thar reg'lar jist fer the purpose of keepin' 'em rubbed down an' spruced up fer comp'ny ter look at. But all that couldn't keep a body frum knowin' they wuz the puore thing. A hog's like a pole cat hain't got but one scent, you know.
An' then thar wuz cows an' sheep an' chickens an' ever'thing else a mortal man could wish fer. I don't see fer my life how he keeps up with 'em. If it wuz me, Fd not sleep a wink wouldn't have no time.
'Bout them chickens. Mis' Sparks, I'm a goin' ter tell you somp'n' about them that I know you won't believe, but it's the truth if I ever tol' it. Thar hain't none of 'em never had no mother! It's so! ISTo, ma'am,
152
of Hanging-Dog.
they don't fool with no settin'-hins up thar. They hatch 'em out with lamp-ile.
Now, Mis' Sparks, I knowed you'd doubt me, but I tell you I ain't a lyin' one bit about it.
Thar wuz winder panes to the box whar the aiggs wuz an' I seen the chickens a peckin' out of ther shells with my own eyes. You cain't git past this sister on that p'int. I may look like a fool, but I hain't one.
ISTow, whut air you a laughin' at? Me? Shucks! You'd better hush up if you want me ter tell you any more.
Asheville is one of the purtiest places I ever seen. An' the mountains 'pear like they is a tryin' ter push one a 'nother out of the way so's ter see which of 'em kin git the clostes' to the town. *We wuz some piece out, you know, an' I had a chance ter see 'em good.
Ever' night, atter the lights wuz out, I'd go ter my winder an' look out.
To look at mountains somehow makes a
153
Samanthy Billins
better woman of me. The ocean makes me think of trouble allers so res'less; but them ol' mountains is allers steady like the Lord. You kin bank on whar to find Him.
Fve lie^rd it said that the stars is other worlds, ptirty much on the order ^ of our'n; but, Mis' Sparks, do you know, I've a idee of my own that I'd ruther cling to than ter take up with them new-fangled notions.
I likes ter think of 'em as little peep holes the angels has made, an' that the light is Heaven a leakin' through.
Thar wuz a woman in the house that wuz a teachin' the Bible to any of the boarders that wanted1 ter know it. An', would you believe it? She taken up most of the whole endurin' time a talkin' about .Moses.
Why, I couldn't git rid of him nowhars I'd turn. He fairly ha'nted me.
Some nights I couldn't go ter sleep fer thiuldn' of him. The moon riz late an' I'd git up an' look out, an' I'd see the moon-
154
;
of Hanging-Dog.
light a sprawlin' over the mountains an' a
little white mist of a cloud a sneakin' along
the river an' Fd git a smell o' honey
suckle.
I tell you, Mis' Sparks, thar hain't noth-
in' nowJiors that kin beat it!
I'd wake Adner up an' make her come
an' look. An' I'd say ter her, "Adner, I
wouldn't take nothin' fer bein' brung up
in the mountains. You live down in the
low country whar folks has more money,
but, I tell you, the Lord knowed how ter
even-up things."
'
Say, who do you reckin we run up ag'inst
thar in town frum out here on Hangin'-
Dog? You'd never guess in the world. It
wuz Cicero Oarson. Yes, I thought he wuz
out west, too. But he's right thar.
This is how it wuz. Me an' Adner wuz
out a ridin' aroun' in a rig she'd hired at
the stable. We wanted ter see the town,
you know; an' we'd got over thar kinder
in front of that monument whut's put up
thar to 'member some big man by, when
155
Samanthy Billins
all of a sudden a feller run out in the mid dle of the road a warm' his hat at us an' says, sorter impudent-like, "Hain't youuns a goin' the wrong way?"
When I first seen him a comin' at us, I wuz skeered that somp'n' about the gears wuz broke, but it wuz Cicero a tryin' ter head us off.
He wuz that proud ter see us! An' nothin' would do 'im but we mus' light an' eat with him. No, it wuzn't a reg'lar mail, Mis' Sparks jist a little somp'n' ter talk over.
Well, we lit and tied the horse to a post an went in an' sot down. All of a sudden, while we wuz a eatin', I seen the quares' look come over Cicero's face an' he jumped up an' 'lowed we'd have ter skuse him fer a minute said somp'n' about a friend of his;n that wuz some'ers outside a waitin' ter speak to 'im.
Well, we didn't think nothin' about it ner nothin' 'till he stayed so long an' I seen the waiter-boys a sniggerin'. Then it
156
of Hangin'-Dog.
come ter my mind about the horse. Pd never heerd of Oicero a takin' nothin', but a body don't know whut a feller5!! come to when he gits away frum home. So I axed one of the waiters, offhan' JUke, ter take a look at the nag an' see if he wuz a standin' all right.
He wuz. I looked at Adner an' she looked at me. Didn't narry one of us have a red cent an' the stuff had done been et.
About that time, here come Oicero a puffin' like a steam enjine. An' the sweat wuz a standin' out on his face like .little warts.
He beat about the bush a spell when we axed whut wuz the matter, but atter a while he owned up. Had left his pocketbook at home in his t'other clothes an' had ran ever' step of the way thar an' back ter git it.
I don't know about his credit, but he shorely is a good'n ter kiver groun'.
Yes, an' I've sot here an' talked 'till it's
157
Samanthy Billing
nearly sun-down! Fd better be a kiyerin* groun* myself er sompV '11 git me goin' through them woods.
Chc main thing a Body Heeds in Hew York is Cash
CHAPTER VII.
The Main Thing a Body Needs
in New YorK is Cash.
OME right in, Mis' Sparks. Lay yer bonnet back thar in the shed-room. The cats '11 be a wallerin' on it if you don't.
They is the beatenes-' critters ter git whar a body don't want 'em I ever seen. If it wuzn't fer the rats a bein' so bad, I'd have the las' one of 'em throwed in the river. Sometimes I believe I'd rather resk a blacksnake as the cats, anyhow.
How air you? I hain't feelin' so powerful spry sence I got back. Got somp'n' like the cramps a ailin' me. Laws a massy! Hain't it the outcries' feelin' a body ever had! I taken 'em bad here t'other night. Somehow, I managed ter scrabble outen the bed an' hop over ter the rockin'-cheer, an' I reckin
161
S a ma nthy Billins
I sot thar fer two er three hour a gruntin' an' a rubbin'.
Yes, I knows that sulphur is good. I've tried it. Why, when Fve tuck a course of sulphur I kin even lay with my feet unkivered an' it don't make no odds. I'll have ter sen' an' git some. I'm out of it.
Mis' Sparks, I've been a dyin' ter see you an' tell you all about it. You hain't seen Boxy, have you? I hear she's stove up too an' sont fer that little side doctor that's jist moved in. Doc Loneday, ther main1 one, wuz up at the sawmill a cuttin' off a man's leg, they say. No, I never heerd his name tone o' them new fellers that's been a workin' up thar, I reckin.
Law, if it hadn't a been fer Boxy I don't have no ideei I'd a ever come back alive. It's the beatenes' place that ever I wuz in. Why, it takes at leas' two with ther eyes peeled the whole endurin' time ter dodge the things that's a comin' an' a goin' an* then that don't inshore yer life.
Why, one evenin' late, we wuz a sa'nter-
162
of Hanging-Dog.
in* down the main street Fifth Avenoo, they called it an* we wuz tryin' ter pick a place ter git acrost. Why, you couldn't skasely a stuck a knittin'-needle through the crowd at times, pore folks an* rich 'n's.
Two er three times, when we thought we seen a gap, we made a dash fer t'other side an' come purt' nigh bein' tromped beyant acknowledgment. Law, woman, some o* them folks'd drive right over you an' never bat ther eye!
Well, we waited fer a spell, thinkin' the percession would git by a.tter awhile, but purty soon our faith got weak on that line. So I says ter Boxy, says I, "Let's walk clean aroun' the thing," an' we wuz a standin' thar a gittin' up steam fer the ja'nt, when all of a sudden one of them perlicemens raised his hand an' ever* livin' thing in sight stopped in its tracks, stock still, an' then he come an' led us acrost as perUte as ever you seen.
"No, Mis' Sparks, I hadn't never saw 'im afore.
163
Samanthy Billing
As soon as we got safe acrost an' sorter come to ourselves, we turned 'roun' ter ax him his name an' invite him down ter Hangin'-Dog fer a spell, but law! you'd have ter have eyes an' a mouth on both sides of yer head ter be ready fer business up thar. Why, he'd done got back to t'other side an' ever'thing wuz a trottin' up an' down the road ag'in.
We hung 'roun' thar right sharp fer some days atter that, but he 'peared to a fergot us an' then we couldn't never git in speakin' distance of him no more. Looked like he had other business ter 'ten' to, you know.
No, Mis' Sparks, we didn't have no pertic'lar trouble a gittin' thar. The main thing is ter be shore you're on the right cyars an' then foller the crowd, sheep-fash ion.
Me an' Eoxy is both purty good on the talk, so we didn't calkerlate that we'd both git spaychless at the same time.
I reckin I kin say fer the truth that thar
164
of Hangin'-Dog.
wuzn't but one time when we wuz both stumped at onct. It wuz at meetin'.
Them folks up thar in most of the meetin'-houses banks powerful on ther singin' an' most of it wuz purty fair, too, even if they don't leave much time fer the preach er. Laws a me! no, Mis' Sparks, them folks won't set long in no meetin'-house ter listen to nothin'.
I'm like you, I don't t^lieve in everything a tryin' ter preach, nuther; but it does 'pear like them folks could pick ther man. Why you ought ter a saw the money they taken up that day! I believe ter my soul thar wuz a full peck measure of bran' new greenbacks. 1 reckin it must a been the singin' that made 'em so liberal.
Me an' Eoxy wuz a enjoyin' it too, when I kinder squinched my eyes through the feathers on a woman's hat that wuz a settin' in advance of me an' got a look at the main singer.
I 'lowed that mebbe my eyesight wuz a failin' me, so I tol' Boxy ter stick her eyes
1(55
Samanthy Billins
to the peephole an' tell me whut she seen. All this time, the man wuz a shouting
"Halleluia! Halleluia!" like he'd jist got re ligion an' now an' then a woman piped in like she wuz a rejoicin' too, an' onct er twict a whole passel of youngsters in white aperns put ther mouth in they wuz kin der to one side an' I could see them with out disj'intin' myself. All this time the orgin wuz a rumblin' along an' playin' tag with the singin'.
Roxy sot up. I looked at her an' she looked at me, kinder blank, an' I says to her, low-like, "Let's git out!"
Whut wuz it, you say, Mis' Sparks? Why, it wuzn't no more ner less than a nigger man a standin' up thar in the whitefolks church a singin' oiiten a book with a white woman. Sich as that may suit some folks, but I've been brung up different!
I reckin it would a suited them Ghormleys up on Owl Creek. They hain't never saw but one nigger in ther lives, they tell me.
166
of Hanging-Dog.
Yes, I reckin it's the truth. Joe Sanders tol' it an' he hain't got no name fer lyin'. You know Joe an* a 'gang o> boys wuz a goin' up on the creek ter salt ther cattle, an' that little nigger boy that stays at the Sanderses begged tert go 'long. Joe says he wuz a plum cuorosety to them folks up thar an' that the nigger an' them Ghormley boys slep' tergether up ini the lof an' that they laid awake an' talked the whole endurin' night.
Scat, thar! You nasty little varmints! Cats is jist like childern, Mis' Sparks. They hain't healthy if they don't fight an' scratch a right smart. Git out! an' let a body have some peace, will you? Mis' Sparks, retchi me the broom thar back of you. That'll move 'em. I tell you, thar hain't narry drap of ol'-maid blood in me when it comes ter lovin' cats. About eatin'. No, we didn't have much trouble a gittin' somp'n'. The main thing a body needs in New York is cash. An'
167
Samanthy Billins
that's one thing sarten, if you've got the cash, you'd better not let yer bes' frienV know whar you keep it. No, sir, don't tote it 'round in yer hands. It'd be tuck frum you as shore as you're a foot high.
Someway, I'd heerd that the folks up thar wuz fur behin' on good bread, so I jist cooked me up a main load o' corn dodgers afore 1 went an' taken 'em along with me.
We et a r o u n' wharever mail-time ketched us, you know. It wuz too fur to git back to the lodgin' place ever* time.
'No, you know I didn't tote the whole pokeful aroun' with me. I hid it back of a bureau at the house. The way I'd do wuz to put jist one pone in my han'-sachel ever* moniin' when we started out an' that'd do us fer the day.
We shorely did strike some quare eatin'houses. No, I cain't say that we wuz so powerful much skeered of bein' p'izened. You see, we'd set aroun' an' see whut other folks et an' we knowed if they could stay above board on it we could too.
168
of Hangin'-Dog.
But one day, I'll bedogged if we didn't git into the beatenes' place you ever seen. It wuz all fixed aroun' the walls kinder like these here fancy bookcases with the winder-panes in front. At the top, wuz pasted the name of the different sorts of vittels an' the price an' there thar wuz a place ter put yer money in.'thout sayin' a word ter nobody.
Well, say you wanted chicken pie. You'd wonder aroun' a readin' the signs 'till you come to one that said, "CHICKEN PIE, lOc."
Well, then you'd put yer dime in an' push a button an', in about three winks, thar'd be yer pie a settin' right thar on the shelf in front of you a waitin' ter be et.
Yes, it did make a feller feel sorter creepy at first; but, as I said, other folks wuz a keepin' hearty on that way of livin'. It's a plum caution how much it takes ter feed that town, anyhow!
Shet up! I believe ter my soul it's a goin' ter rain ag'in! Will you listen to that ol' pea-fowl a hollerin'! I'd wring his
169
Samanthy Billins
neck in two seconds, if I knowed that'd have anything ter do with the weather!
They say that down this side of the south pole it rains ever* evening fer about two hundred mile. Tears ter me that the pole's a movin' up towards our diggin's. It's rained ever' single blessed' day sence I got back.
Git out, Dash! Git out, I tell you! Will you min' me? Git!
They say a dog draws lightnin'. Yes, I reckin it is healthy. Clears up the air. But I cain't help frum bein' skeered of it. It's kinder like them Simmonses a cominr ter spen' the day don't sen* no word ahead, you know.
I tell you, Mis' Sparks, ther hain't no body kin have no deception of how New York looks 'till you git thar an' tromp aroun' an' look.
(As ter size, I reckin it would take a wo man like me about a day an' a half er two days ter walk frum one eend to t'other. An' the whole place is cram full o' build-
170
of Hangin'-Dog.
in's! The truth is, they air so scrouged fer room that they stacks the houses. Now, Mis' Sparks, I declare ter you that I ain't a lyin'. Everything I tell you is the truth if I ever* tol' it. I don't believe in lyin' skeered of the ol' Scratch, you know.
Why, I'd make a affidavit I seen a mil lion er more houses that had frum twelve ter twenty rows o' winders set on top o' each other. An' folks clean to the top, too.
An' do you know that even then most of the folks has ter live so fur from ther work they has ter ride on the cyars. I tell you, you has ter keep yer fingers a feelin' fer nickels purt' nigh all the time. An' as fer yerself, you have ter be jist like a flea, ready ter hop on short notice. They don't wait a minute.
You never seen the like of cyars it takes ter move the folks in all yer born' days. Thar shore is a sight of 'em, runnin' up an' down, back'ards an' for'ards. Some along the groun', some on trussel works overhead, an' they've even weaseled
1T1
Samanthy Billins
passways under the groun' so's ter git about.
Why, Mis' Sparks, I declare ter you that some o' them trussel works wuz higher'n that Columby popler a standin' by the gate. Of course, we felt sorter squeamish the firs' time we taken a ride on them thar high cyars, a skeetin' along at the tops of the houses.
But the whole town, 'pears ter me like they wuz a runnin' into the very jaws of Death jist fer the fun o' seein' if they kin git out ag'in afore he shets his teeth down. You've heerd the ol' sayin' that if you don't resk nothin' you won't have nothin'; so, sence we wuz thar fer pleasure an' profit, we 'lowed we'd j'ine the ranks an' take the chances on gittin' back ter Hangin'-Dog all in one piece.
Me an' Koxy, both, agreed that it wuz a excitin' place ter spen' a short spell in, but I wouldn't have ter live thar if you'd give me the whole town.
Why, I'd run my fool self ter death a
172
of Hangin'-Dog.
tryin' ter keep up with whut wuz a goinr on. An' then another thing, a body don't hardly ever know even his. nex' door neigh bor. Tip thar, if you git out tf sugar er coffee, it'd be a case of have ter stay out er trot yerself out an' buy it.
An' then, some o' them folks don't never see the sun rise, some don't never see it set, an' I don't reckin I'd be a stretchinr the blanket if I ventured that thar's some that don't never see it at all.
Now, jist think of livin' that way, year in an' year out!
As fer me, I likes ter ketch the first smile of the ol' feller in the1 mornin's when he peeps up over the back of Chunky-Gal.. Starts a body out right fer the day, you know.
But thar's some folks that would put up with any sort of discomfit that ever wuz if they jist thought they could make a big name fer therselves. Why, they tell me that some of 'em purt' nigh starves ter-
173
Samanthy Billins
death, a Mlerin' that sort of a Jack-o'-lan tern.
To be shore, some of 'em does succeed an' git along purty fair, bnt I tell yon am bition is a disease on the tape-worm order. 'An' the higher up you clim' a mountain the more lan' you kin see.
At first sight, I calkerlated thar wuzn't much religion in the place, but we diskivered atter a while that thar wuz a! right smart sprinkle of the genuine thing 'round an' about it all depends on whuther you air lookin' fer it er not.
I mind one pertic'lar sarvice we went to at a meetin'-house on a sort of a side street, an' the preacher give us a sarmon as big as a bishop could a spoke on the tex', "An' Moses chose ruther to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the pleas ure of sin fer a season."
Thar it wuz ag'in. I couldn't git rid of thinkin' of him down at Asheville fer that woman a talkin' an' purt' nigh as soon as
of Hangin'-Dog.
I got ter New York, thar he wuz a waitin' fer me.
Well, thar's one comfort. It speaks well fer a body that sich a man as Moses would want ter kep company, with you.
He sartinly wuz a big man, but you kin jist put it in yer pipe an* smoke it that "blood is thicker'n water." An' another thing is, it's my opinion that if a boy is started right when he's a youngun, in the long run he'll, nine times out o> ten, come home ter roost afore he dies. I tell you Moses wuz made outen the right stuff. I'd like ter know if his maw lived ter see him a practicin' her preachin'.
Thar you air, Mis' Sparks. Alters wants ter know whut church a body belongs ter afore you kin see any good in 'em. You'd better git over that. Now, as fer me, I'd ruther know they wuz headed fer the right place than ter know whut trail they tuck.
Yes, I reckin you're right atter all the trail might be misleadin'.
Well, this wuz a Baptis' church, but I
Samanthy Billins
didn't 1'arn whuther it wuz Hardsliell er Softshell.
While I wuz a settin' thar, I coudn't help fmm thinkin' of Sal Swanson fer th.e men an* the womeni all sot tergether, you know. She shorely would a been mixed up if she wuz ter a tuck a notion ter shout in one of them meetin'-houses up thar.
You've heerd about the caper she cut over at Sandy Springs camp-meetin'?
Aw, Mis' Sparks, whar's yore years been? Ever'body wuz a laughin' about it.
Why, you know she's sorter sweet on John Carson? Well, it seems that she got shoutin' happy while they wuz a callin' up mourners one night an', instid of her a stayin' in her own neighborhood, she mus' light out fer the men's side of the house an' went ter shakin' hands with them a workin' down ter whar John wuz a settin', you know.
Us gals wuz kinder back an' we could see the whole thing frum beginnin' ter eend. An' as she got down closter ter
1TG
of Hangin'-Dog.
John, we figgered she wuz gittin' tier feelin's in shape ter give him a hug, so we set our nerves up on eend ter see the thing well done.
'Bout that time, her maw riz. You know oP Mis' Swan son! Bless yore soul an' body, thar hain't a livin' bein' could fergit that woman's face an' them long bony fingers! Why, I bet she could split rails with that nose of her'n.
Great day in the mornin'! You ought ter a saw her a p'intin' that right forefin ger at Sal when she squalled out, "Sal, you jist trot yerself back over here an' shout amongst us weemen folks, an' let them men folks alone!"
Did Sal come? Thunderation! Why, Mis' Sparks, even the president would drap in his tracks if ol* Mis' Swanson wuz ter p'int that finger at 'im an' speak the word.
You've heerd of the Eden Musy, hain't you? 'Most ever'body has heerd of it, but they hain't much idee whut it's like: That
177
Samanthy Billins
wuz our fix. No, 'tain't notMn' on the or der of a gyarden at all.
Well, we 'lowed we'd take it in, so we knocked about till we foun' the place, handed over the cash, an' walked in.
Thar wuz a right smart sprinkle of folks in thar, some a walkin' about a lookin' an' some a standin' in sorter stall-like contrapshuns all rigged up in different sorts of fixin's. I noticed they 'peared ter be pow erful still an' ca'm-like they never batted ther eyes ner nothin'.
We wuz a standin' a lookin' at a lot o' fellers in fightin' clothes yank an' reb when some folks come up an' I heerd a feller a tellin' a woman about how one of 'em got kilt in the same battle he wuz a fightin' in. When me an' Boxy heerd that, we looked at the speaker kinder skeeredlike, an' she spoke out afore she knowed it an' says ter him, says she, "They hain't dead, air they?"
"Some of 'em is an' some ain't," says he. Well, sir, if a body had a said "Boo" ter
178
Hangin'-Dog
me, I reckin I'd a been a angel in less than a minute.
I have a idee the man seen the ignerance writ on our count'nanees, so he explained that they wuz jist figgers made up tear look like the folks they ripresent.
We ketched on then an', all at onct, a crazy idee struck me an' I says, "Boxy, lefs play a joke an' have some fun."
"Fun?" says she. "How?" "Why, you set yerself over thar in the cordner an' I'll stan' here an' see how long we kin be a figger," says I. Well, we struck persitions an* I taken a blank, fur-away look an* waited. Mis' Sparks, I know ter my soul it would a made a 'possum laugh ter a tieerd whut remarks wuz made. I tell you, I had ter think of funerals an' sich as hard as I ever done anything in my life. Atter awhile, a mushy-room headed dan dy come along with his wife it 'peared that they wuz out on ther weddin'-tower
179
Samanthy Billing
an* they stood! afore me an' figgered out that I wuz made ter ripresent Noey's wife. I thought they'd stan' thar an' laugh ther fooli self ter death.
I never did make out jist whut they meant; but I 'lowed we'd got enough put of the expeeriment ter 'member the place by, so we lit out _ fer a place whar we Jcnowed the folks wuz dead an' had been fer some time.
It wuz ter that ol' church that they say is the oldes' buildin' in the town. Aw, Shucks! Mis' Sparks, you know the dead folks wuzn't in the church. They wuz bur ied in the graveyard outside.
George Washin'ton had been ter meetin' thar too a right smart when he wuz a visitin' in the town, so they had the place whar he allers set marked kinder like it wuz at Alexandry, you know.
Do you know, I've come ter think that this business of settin' in a reg'lar place is a right good thing. Who knows but whut
180
of Hanging-Dog.
some of these days some folks might want ter know whar we set?
It lets a body know that we wuz church goers, ter say the least.
They shorely would have a main sight o' trouble a locatin' my place, fer I know in reason I've sot on ever' bench in Lick-Skil let meetinghouse. But I've made up my nrin' ter turn over a new leaf. 'Lowed I'd take the seat by the winder thar back of the stove, you know. I'm jist obleeged ter git whar I kin take a smidgin' of snuff now an' then.
That church wuz the res'fulles' place I foun' the whole time I wuz away. It's on one of the main streets whar the noise is enough ter run a! body plum' distracted. I wonder if that's the reason the church has its backside turned to the road. You have ter walk 'roun' through the graveyard ter git in, you know. It's all white an' clean inside an', the doors is left so's anytime durin' the day you kin slip in frum yer
181
Samanthy Billins
I liad wondered how it wuz that them graves wuz let stay thar when the town wuz so scrimped fer room; but, when I got inside an' felt the ea'm, I knowed it wuz bekase the Lord wuz a keepin' watch.
I tell you it done me good ter git in thar an' see them folks a kneelin' here an* yander, fer ever* onct in awhile I'd begin ter feel that thar wuzn't much in the town that the Lord had anything ter do with. I'd quit lookin' fer it, I reckin.
Why, Natur* ain't in it at all up thar. To be shore, you could unj'int yer neck an* take a squint at the sky onct an' occasion'ly, an' then thar wuz the main park whar they have let a few things be. But they've got it stretched out fer three er four mile an' have pushed in on its sides 'till it hain't much more'n a quarter acrost it now so ther hain't no tellin' how long it kin stan' its groun'.
Laws a massy! Whut's that? Well if it ain't that ol' dominecker ,hin a tryin' ter
182
of Hangin'-Dog.
set in the sugar bucket! She's the beatenes' thing^ fer the house I ever seen!
Shoo, out o' thar! Here,,Dash, take 'er! Ever' blessed day I swear I'll ketch 'er when she goes ter roost an' fasten her up in the coop er give her a good Ao* xettln? place in a pot of dumplin's, but when nighttime conies I fergit it. I'll tie a string aroun' my finger some o' these days an* then it'll be "good-bye" ol' domineck.
Whut'd you say? Did I? Law, you shorely don't think a body would go ter New York without goin* ter the theayter, do you? It don't make no difference whut kind of religion you practice at home, it's boun' ter make ar rangements ter take a few pecks at ferbidden fruit when you git erway. Least ways, that's whut I've heerd an' tuck no tice of an' I might say, practiced a little. Sence we didn't have the money fer much of that sort of thing, we 'lowed we'd take in a few of whut wuz called the best, an' we got somethings throwed in that we
183
Samanthy Billing
wuzn't a lookin' fer. I tell you, Mis7 Sparks, I sot thar an' looked an' listened ter some things that wuz new ter me. Some wuz passable an' some wuzn't.
I mind one night me an' Boxy 'lowed we'd take in a singin' show, so we went an' axed the ticket agent how much it would be ter git in. He 'lowed it would depen' altergether on whar we wanted to set. That if we wuz good climbers we could make it on a dollar otherwise, it might cost us ten.
You know it hain't worth wastin' breath a sayin' that we taken the climbin' con tract, but before we got to the top, I begun ter think that more'n likely we'd be in speakin' distance of the angels by the time we got thar.
But it wuz worth it. I declare ter you that I never 'spects ter hear nothin' like it ag'in this side o' heaven.
Speakin' of theayters, did you ever hear that yarn that Bill Sizemore tells about
184
of Hang in'-Dog.
takin' preacher Dillsworth ter one an' lettin' on like it wuz a Oath'lic church.?
Yes, he says he had the oF man a settin' up "as big as Ike" a lookin' at half naked folks a dancin' an' a singin' an' a flirtin' 'round.
Bill swears that Dillsworth sot through the whole thing without knowin' n-o better. Wuzn't it a plum' disgrace ter treat that o? man that a way?
I don't put Bill past doin' a thing of that sort, but it's my opinion that a body had better swaller his yarns like they would a raw oyster 'fer if you begK ter chaw on it, you'll more'n likely spit the whole thing out.
185
'Td RHiber be 3i$t Olbat (be Cord made
CHAPTER VIII.
"I'd; Rxither Be Jist WHut the
Lord Made Me."
ELLO! Whoa! Stan' still, will you? Hello, Mis' Sparks! I
do wonder if thar hain't nobody __ at home atter I've come all this way. Howdy. You don't know who it is, do you? You ac' like it. Gome out here an' hoP yer dog off. Frum the way he barks,
iiyt.'pears like he'd eat a body up bardaceous-
He wont bite, you say? Whut do you keep him, fer, then? Ter tote fleas, I reckin.
How air you? It is shorely good fer the sore eyes ter see you ag'in. I never got as homesick fer a body in all my life as I did fer you. I declare ter you that I didn't know I did think so much of you.
Samanthy Billing
Yes, I reckin it is a good way ter be shore whuther you keer for a body er not. If you don't think of 'em an' hanker fer 'em when they're out o' sight, I'm afeared the feelin' ain't much more'n skin deep.
O, I'm feelin' purty fair, considerin'. Been tied down so clost a nu'sin' sick folks ever sence I've been gone it's a wonder I'm alive ter tell about it. But I tell 'em all I'm jist like a leather string, anyhow never will wear out.
I never seen as much sickness in any one fam'ly in all my born' days as Ganadosia's folks has had. Why, it's eight months nex' Friday sence I went up thar, an' I tell you, it's a fac', the house wuzn't free of it fer two weeks at a time the whole time I stayed. Fever an' measles an' croup, an' the Lord only knows whut else.
You know Oanadosia wuz tuck down bad with the fever ag'in. That's why I went up thar. Her younguns is all so little they ain't much help in a case of sickness. An* none of us ever had much confidence in
190
of Hangin'-Dog.
her man. We knowed lie wuz a good enough sort of a feller, but he's blind of a eye an' that allers made him look sorter foolish, you know.
Of course, Can knowed how he looked afore she married him. None of the rest of us couldn't see whut on earth she wanted with 'im, but you know they say love is a funny thing an' I believe it.
I never did have much use fer him, my self, 'till now, but I tell you the way he waited on Can an' the oneasiness he showed wuz enough ter make a body think better of him.
He's awful rough lookin'. Why, his hands 'minded me of a curry-com' when he'd set than by her bed an' rub her hands an' bresh back the hair out of her eyes. It'd ca'm 'er when nothin' else wouldn't. She wuz oaten her head when the fever wuz so high, you know.
iAn' he wuz that gentle an' helpless-lookin' a, tryin' ter pacify the baby that Fd jist have ter slip out in the shed-room an' take
191
Samanthy Billins
a good cry ter keep frum chokin' ter death. I tell you, when you have went through
trouble with a body you'll find out whuther they're made of the puore stuff er not No imitation won't stan' the fire like the rale thing.
Yes, they're all up an' about now, but I tell you some of 'em sartinly had a dost call.
I don't see why in the name o' sense they want ter live way back up thar on Chogee, nohow. Why, I'd jist as leave be buried alive an' be done with it. No, the distance ain't so fur but, my lan'I jist think of whut a worrisome way they have of gitfin' thar.
No, Mis' Sparks, I hain't ketched narry feller yit. I'd like ter know whut you'd expect a body ter find up anywhars about Chogee. An' I hain't been nohars else lately.
Do you know, I've been a thinkin' a right smart about this marryin' business here of
192
of Hangin'-Dog.
late an* I mus' say Fin kinder shook fnim my ol' way of lookin' at the matter.
Now, Mis' Sparks, you know as well as anybody livin' that I hain't no man-hater, an' never wuz. But I tell yon thar's a heap of trouble a goin' 'round in this ol' world.
I used ter wish I wuz a man, but now I dun no. Sometimes it's the man that has air the trouble, an' then it's the woman an' thenj agMh, it's both.
I reckin I'm better off like I am jist like the Lord made me.
You see, the thing1 that put me ter thinkin' wuz like this. Thar's a feller whut has a little patch o' lan' kinder back of Canadosia's place by the name of Jim Swicegood. He's a powerful good-natured, hardworkin' sort of a feller, an' he wouldn't harm a hair of yore head fer a whole mint o' money.
Well, las' Fall he had right sharp luck with his corn crap.
Now, you knowd enough about the coun try up thar ter know that it hain't no fun
193
Samanthy Billing
tier money nuther ter try ter haul sich as that outen them coves. An' thar hain't no way on earth fer a feller ter get the cash fer his corn 'thout he feeds it ter stock er er makes liquor outen it.
Jim argyed that it wuz his corn an' he had a right ter do jist whut he pleased with it.
Now, it wuz at this pertic'lar p'int that the law walked in on him.
Do you know, I git that mad when I see them eternal revenue offercers a sneakin' 'round, I cain't hardly keep frum sayin' a cuss word. It's my opinion that if the gover'ment spent half the money a sendin' the gospel an' book-larwn? to the folks up thar that they spen' a tryin' ter ketch up with ther meanness, they'd do a sight more good.
Well, Jim hadn't more'n started good afore them offercers had him clapped in jail down in Atlanter, an' left his pore, weakly wife to manage by herself, with five little younguns an' the oldes' no more'n ten.
194
of Hangin'-Dog.
As I wuz a ayin>, they lived offen the main road an' nobody hardly ever passed that way.
You 'min' whut col' weather we had here las' Janawary? It jist froze np ever'thing in Chogee settlement. An', do you know that all them col' days, I never onct thought of Melissy. Hain't it strange how we'll set by our own fire an' fergit other folks! ,
'Twuz time of that big snow. I never am ter fergit it. Ever sence, the moon light 'pears like it makes ha'nts everVhar I turn.
It wuz jist about sundown when Melissy's oldes' gal, Sary, come over to our house an' wanted me ter go an' see whut wuz the matter with her maw. Said she wuz sick an' wouldn't pay no 'tention ter none of 'em.
I hunted up some boneset, fer tea an' got the bottle of turkentine, an' we lit out.
It wuz powerful cold! The win' jist come a screechin' down them hollers an' it
195
Samanthy Billins
'peared like the &un wuz a smearin' bloody
fingers all over ever'whars.
-'
If I live ter be a hunderd, I don't never
want ter go through narry nuther sich a
night.
It wuz plum' dark by the time we got to
the cabin, an' I couldn't see ner hear noth-
in' no thin' but the baby a cryin'- one of
them pitiful, horagry cries. You know how
it sounds when the little thing has about
wore itself out.
Thar wuzn't hardly a smidgin' of fire an'
it a freezin'! .,
i
I went to work ter git a blaze, so's I
could see, you know, an^ then I went- back
to the bed whar Melissy wuz. *An' thar
she, lay ^tone dead! Yes, dead] An' With
the peacefulles' smile on her face I ever
seen. It looked like the angels had
throwed the gates wide open an' let her
in Without no trial ner nothin'. Mebbe
that wuz the Lord's way of evenin'-.up
things.
The baby wuz a crawlin' on the floor a
of Hanfcin'-Dog.
cryih' an' little Sammy a reachin' uj> a pat-
tin' his maw on the face an' a beggin' fer
bread.
Sary wuz a standin' by\me, an' I jist
turned 'round an' looked at her. I nfrver
said a word, but somehow she knowed
whut it meant, an' thar hain't no lips on
earth kin tell how that gal looked as she
fell down agin the bed an' talked to he*
maw an' begged her to jist come/back an'
stay with 'em 'till ther paw could come
home.
I jist couldn't say nothin' to her fer com
fort. Thar wuzn't nothin' to say. It wuz ',
the child's maw that wuz dead. . > .
Well, we fixed Melissy up the best we
could an' buried her by her paw an' niaw
up at ol' Ebenezer church an' then divid
ed tjie childern out amongst the neighbors.
'An' dp you know that Jim didnft know ,a
livin' word about it 'till here about three
weeks ago? He cain't read writin', you
know.
-
197
Samanthy Billing
I'm that sorry fer the man I don't know whut to do.
The way he found it out wuz like this. You know Bill Kitchins taken some cattle down to Atlanter here las' month? Well, he 'lowed it wuz his duty ter see Jim an' break the news. So he went.
He tol' me he never hated ter do a thing as bad in all his life.
Jim seen him a comin' an' he wuz that glad that Bill said it wuz all he could do ter keep frum runnin' away er lyin' to 'im.
He wuz a leanin' ag'in the iron door of the cell an' a stretchin' out his han' to him through the bars long afore Bill wuz in retch of him. An' Bill says he didn't hard ly wait ter say, "Howdy," afore he says, "Bill, how's Melissy an' the younguns?"
Well, sir, Bill says he wuz in a tight place. You know how straight-forward he is Couldn't beat about the bush if he had to, so he jist bu'sted right out with the whole truth an' says, "Jim, Melissy's dead, an' the younguns is with the neighbors."
19*
of Hangin'-Dog.
With that, Bill says he jist limbered up like a rag an' fell in a lump on the floor an* set thar a minute a lookin' at him, dazed-like. An' then he drapped his face in his hands an' kinder shivered, an' all he would say wuz, "Melissy's deadl Melissy's dead] My pore little gal, Melissy! My pore little gal!"
Bill had ter leave him that away an' the las' thing he heerd as he lef the buildin' wuz," Melissy's dmd\ My pore little gal, Melissy!"
Yes, Mis' Sparks, I believe I'd ruther be jist whut the Lord made me a woman, an' a ol' maid woman at that.
199
