Partnerships in fostering: a newsletter of the Georgia DHR Foster Care Unit, Winter 2002

in
Success
Children an the Media
Residentia

Part 1n
Fr ' REO g A NEWSLETTER OF THE GEORGIA DHR
From a
Youth's Perspective

Foster parents and case managers can learn a lot by listening to children and youths, believes "Brandy" (as she will be called in this article). After Brandy's mother left, the teenager lived with an uncle supervised by DFCS.
Brandy emphasized that case managers, however busy, always need to be sure they truly understand the child's situation.
Relying on Case
Managers
"My uncle thought I was hiding things from him, so he took my bedroom door off its hinges," Brandy recalled. "Sure, he's related to me, but I was a 16-year-old girl living alone with her uncle with only a sheet I'd hung in my doorway. A few times the case m anager came but stayed in the kitchen the whole time, not looking around the house. Also she never talked to me alone, away from my uncle, and I didn't feel comfortable telling her about the door while my uncle was sitting there with us - I thought he'd get mad at me. Finally, after three months, when my uncle knew the case manager was coming, he put my door back on its hinges, so she never knew anything about it."
Brandy was confused, as any child would be, by her mother's substance abuse issues and disappearances for days at a time. This confusion increased when her mother finally departed. Brandy explained she would have benefited from a case manager or caregiver helping her think about how to share

her situation with others - what words to use, as well as when and to whom to talk.
Needing Adult Guidance
"I told some kids I thought I could trust about what was happening in my life," Brandy described. "Also I had a teacher who meant well and was trying to mentor me, but even she told my secrets to other people. A lot of stuff got around school about me, some true and some not, and kids made fun of me. I learned how kids can really be cruel, and I wish someone would have coached me about how to talk about being in foster care."
Tension grew between Brandy and her uncle. The parents of one of Brandy's friends arranged with the uncle and DFCS to have Brandy in their home for weekends. During each week when Brandy was away, the mother let Brandy know she was in her thoughts by paging "I love you" to her several times a day. When Brandy turned 17, she moved into this new home. This girl who in the past had burned and cut herself in her unhappiness now says she has found a family where she belongs and is happy.
Keeping Family
Connections
"I'd pretty much decided to hate Mom for all that had happened," Brandy recounted. "But my foster mom helped me see I'm never really going to hate my mom becau se she's my mom. We'd talk sometimes, and she'd say I may hate w hat my mom
(Continued on page 3)

DFCS staff and foster parents can learn a lot from the children in their ca re .

Foster parents help by monitoring grades and guiding school progress .
2

Using Report Cards 10 Improve School Success

YOU th 1 S {Continued from page 7)

Helping Kids With Bad News

When foster parents talk with children about report cards, children can learn about their strengths and need s at school, as well as plan how to improve in areas of need . January report cards are especially useful because ample time remains in the year to help the child "get on track."

the teacher repeatedly explains things may need to record difficult classes and listen to the tape several times as a way to study. The school guidance counselor and teachers can help with other su gges tion s."
Establish Good Habits

Be Positive
When talking about low grades, parents should avoid using language that might discourage the child and lessen his or her enthusiasm for school. For example, referring to classes the child "didn't do as well in" sounds more positive than "did badly in."
"Talking with a child about a report card is most helpful when parents set a positive, encouraging tone, first talking about classes the child did best in and asking what he or she liked about those classes," described Margaret Kelley, guidance counselor at Spencer Elementary in Tifton. "This builds self-esteem and helps children recognize their own strengths."
Kelley added, "These strengths may be useful in addressing a child's areas of need. For example, if the child does best in classes where the teacher wri tes on the board, this child probably learns best by seeing something rather than just hearing it explained, and the parent can encourage the child to take notes in all classes. Also anyone helping this child study might write things down or draw diagrams. A child who does best in classes where

Children are more likely to maintain a study plan which they are actively involved in developing. Ask the child to think of ideas to bring up the grade. You might suggest the child get extra help and ask the child to identify someone to help, such as the teacher or another child in the family.
Problems with homework and studying contribute to low grades. To be well organized, every child should have a notebook for writing down all school assignments and checking them off after completing them . Children are often frustrated because they complete homework then cannot find it to turn in. This problem can be solved if their notebook has a pocket folder on each side, with one side for assignments the child is wor.Rfng on and one for completed assignments.
Schedule and Check Homework
"The habit of coming home from school and doing homework before anything else will really pay off," said Kelley. "Children often want to play before doing homework and, before you know it, it's dinner time. The longer they put if off, the more they dread it. If a child has finished homework at school, it is important parents ask to see it. This communicates the importance of homework and helps parents know if the child is doing homework properly."
Parents should make sure a child is not having problems paying attention in class. Often children have not developed habits to help them pay attention, such as looking at the teacher, taking notes and asking questions. They may need to sit closer to the teacher to keep their minds from wandering. The parent can suggest the child talk with the teacher about this, and, if low grades continue, the parent should get the teacher's advice.

has done, but deep down inside I'm always going to want to love her because she's my mother, and that's just a natural feeling. That helped me with forgiveness, because I don't like hating anybody. I' m not very good with grudges."
Brandy's birth mother continues to live near Brandy's foster home. Her birth mother continues to struggle with the issues that led to Brandy's needing to leave home, and the mother and daughter have only occasional contact, though Brandy's fos ter mother has emphasized Brandy can call her any time she wants. Brandy commented, "For right now I need some space because I've got school and thinking about college. I know Mom is there if I need her, and she knows she can get in touch with me."
Brandy h as received a college scholarship and is excited about studying physical therapy.
Par t ~OWd ring
ISS UE NU M BER 16
Newsletter Production Supervisor: Jayne Bachman
Editorial Committee Members: Kathleen Rinehart and Doris Walker
Writer/Editor/Publisher: Dan Corrie
Writer: Ellen Corrie
Desktop Design: Dara O'Neil
Do you like this newsletter? Do you have ideas for how it could be better? Send your comments to:
Jayne Bachman DFCS Foster Care Unit, 18-222 Two Peachtree St., NW Atlanta , GA 30303-3142 404.657.3570

September ll's terrorism scared children. Inevitably in the future, newspapers and TV will report other horrifying events. Follow ing are some ways you can help your children during such times:
Take your own "emotional temperature": When frightening events are reported on the news, it is appropriate to be open with your family if you feel upset. However, desperation can be contagious. It is OK to shed tears around children, but do not cry hysterically. It is OK to express you feel angry, but do not show rage, go into too much detail, or talk about vengeance. Talk to other adults, away from children, about your deep fears, anxieties and a broken heart.
Help life to move on: Difficult times can be opportunities to teach children how feelings change and how time heals. When an upsetting event occurs, have the child watch you mark a date on a calendar (one week or one month from the event). Tell the child (who will need to be at least 6 to understand dates) that on this date the family will have a special time such as a prayer or discussion about what happened. Explain to the child
that he I she will see everybody will probably feel different by then.
Maintain routines: Children do best when they have a schedule. The anxious child needs to continue through his/her everyday schedule even if he/ she cries, wrings hands or complains. Though we want to comfort children, we do not want to teach them that trouble is an excuse to curl up and stay in our rooms. The upset child may not perform as well in
school for a brief time, but he I she still needs to go to school.
Take action: Many children collected money after 9I11 to help other children. Others went to fire departments to thank firefighters for their sacrifices and heroism. Other families went to visit a mosque to prevent children from learning hatred or fear of a different group of people.
Avoid re-traumatizing: Seeing horrible news events over and over can traumatize children. Shut off the TV rather than allowing upsetting news and images to continue repeating. If you want constant information, use a portable radio with headphones. Only watch the news together as a family. You may want to schedule time (maybe after dinner or before bath time) to talk about the event, rather than increasing anxiety with non-stop talk about the event.
Help with emotions: Remember, many children in foster care have had multiple losses and terrible traumas, so they may overreact or underreact to public tragedies. Watch and listen to your child to try to get a feel for "where they are" emotionally before giving them guidance. Remember your child is not you. You may feel anxious, but your child may not be
overly upset. You might have the child draw a picture about what he I she feels about an event or feelings he I she thinks other children are feeling.
Then talk together about the picture.

Helping Children
with Obesity

Guiding Children
Through the Media Maze

I
giving guidance

"Childhood obesity is an epidemic," emphasized Frances Cook, director of the Georgia Division of Public Health Nutrition Section. "Being overweight puts children's health at risk and can lower their self-esteem. Overweight children are more likely to become obese adults. Children need their caregivers to help them maintain a healthy weight."

Obese youths

are at increased

risk for cardio-

vascular dis-

ease, diabetes

and some can-

cers. In the

United States,

one child in

five is over-

weight. In a

study of more

than 5,000 7-

I Physical activity helps reduce childhood obesity.

year-olds in the Savannah school system, 19 percent of males and 13 percent of females were obese by currently accepted standards. Children in care especially might have

issues related to eating which foster parents

should discuss with their case m anager, such as

overeating and hoarding food.

Following are ways foster parents can prevent or reduce obesity for the children in their care.

For information on meal planning and diet, log onto
www.eatright.org
4

Promote Healthy Diet
Children should have balanced meals and regular healthy diets containing fruits, vegetables and few fatty foods.
"Feed the child a serving of fruit instead of a doughnut," urged Todd Stormant, nutrition program consultant in the Georgia Division of Public Health. "Children often want to eat the foods they see on TV, which tend to be fast foods, sugared breakfast cereals and high-calorie snacks. Although many children entering foster care come from situations where they never developed good eating habits, they aren' t very different in this from other kids: all children need parents to guide them in eating better. The problem can be largely solved when adults simply keep healthy - not unhealthy - food around the house. It's common

sense that your kids are going to eat the food you buy. If you don't buy junkfood, there's no junkfood in the house for them to eat! "
Most children love fastfood restaurants, and many busy caregivers find them convenient. However, most fast food is unhealthy and promotes obesity, with excess fat in sauces, burgers and french fries. Many fast food chains attract customers with unhealthy offers such as "super size" soft drinks and all-you-can-drink deals. When busy schedules limit time for preparing meals at home, caregivers can remember many fastfood restaurants offer healthy alternatives, such as salads.
If you want to learn more about planning and preparing healthy meals, you can contact your local county extension service, listed in the government services section of the telephone directory. The extension service in many counties usually offers lunch-and-learn talks and informal classes in healthy diet and meal preparation. You can also find much valuable information by logging onto the American Dietetic Association's website (www.eatright.org).
Encourage Activity
"Most days, children should get at least 20 minutes of physical activity sufficient to raise their heart rates," stated Cook. "Instead, statistics show the typical child spends 21 hours per week watching TV, often while indulging in high-calorie snacks. Also children spend many hours playing
video I computer games instead of getting exer-
cise."
To promote physical activity, caregivers living in safe neighborhoods can encourage children to go outside and play active sports like soccer, basketball or tennis. Families can enjoy getting exercise together, for instance by hiking in a nearby park. Also caregivers can ask their case manager or school staff (such as the guidance counselor) about resources in their area offering physically active programs for children, such as the Boys & Girls Club or martial arts programs. Some schools offer after-school and extra-curricular activities for children. Caregivers can also learn about activities offered through their local parks and recreation department, listed in the government services section of the telephone directory.

Magazines, movies, CDs: mainstream society can be confus- what the child thought

ing for children. They need adult guidance in understanding

about the scene, especially

how to react.

if the child's behavior

"By trying to fit in with peers or simply through curiosity, youths can sometimes encounter things they're not ready for emotionally, such as sex and violence in movies," explained

changes, such as becoming very quiet or unusually active.

Yolanda Graham, an Atlanta child and adolescent psychiatrist.

"While talking with the

"Maybe your child might see an adult TV channel at a friend's child, the parent should

house, or the friend might share his father's adult magazine

notice the child's reactions,"

he'd found hidden around the house. Unfortunately, many CDs Graham recommended. "If

aimed for young people contain provocative language and

the child seems uncon-

describe violent situations. Because many kids in foster care

cerned, it could be OK to

have personally experienced abusive situations, they especially drop the subject. If the child

can need adult help in putting such things into perspective."

shuts down, not wanting to

Start Conversations

talk but seeming uneasy, the child might need some time

Parents should not be afraid to talk with children who have been exposed, for instance, to nudity or violence in media. Such talks usually work best when the adult is calm and easygoing because children become anxious when they sense the adult is anxious.
"Parents shouldn't make something bigger than it is," advised Graham. "For example, if the child sings a song with offensive words, the parent should keep in mind such songs appear on many CDs and such words are in common use among the child's peers. Instead of showing anger or shaming the child, the parent can use the situation as an opportunity to help the child think about preferable ways of acting. The parent

before talking some more.

That's OK. Some parents

plan long speeches they

believe will really help the

child, but many times that

doesn't fit what the child feels OK with. Not everything needs to be said in one sitting. Often it's best

IKids need adult help with today's media bombardment, says Yolanda Graham.

to start simple, let the child

have time to think, then return to the topic later when the child

might ask a question or the time just feels right. It can be an

ongoing conversation over time."

can start by getting a feel for the child's reaction, maybe saying something general like, 'Tha t song uses the word bitch to talk

Provide Perspective

about women. What do you think about that?' Further questions can guide the child's thinking, like, 'Do you know what the dictionary meaning of that word is?' and, 'What would you think if someone called your mother or sister that word? If you wouldn't like that, then don't you think other people might feel the same way if you use that word?' "

Parents might help children maintain perspective by occasionally emphasizing there can be a big difference between real life and entertainment. Just as the Coyote can die 100 times in the Roadrunner cartoons, a lot happens in movies and songs that are fun to watch or listen to but are just entertaining fantasies. While a hero in a movie might seduce numerous women

Notice Children's Reactions

and out-fight all opponents, attempting similar behavior in real life is simply inappropriate and will quickly lead to embarrass-

r

A helpful practice is for parents to screen movies, watching ment or getting hurt.

l them prior to allowing the child to watch, to decide if the movie

"Parents should gear discussions and explanations not so

is appropriate. Also parents need to monitor what children

much to the child's age, but to his or her level of development

view on TV and the Internet. However, few parents can guard and maturity," Graham noted. "If you're fostering a 15-year-old

against everything, and inevitably the child will encounter sen- who was sexually abused when 5, the child is not emotionally a

sitive material. For example, in the case of a child with a history 15-year-old. Especially in talking about the child's feelings, the

of being sexually abused, the parent should be alert that the

parent would likely need to talk as though to a younger

child's confusion and unresolved issues might be revived by a child."

sexual scene or nudity in a movie. The parent might simply ask

5

New Teamwork to Help Children:
Georgia's Residential Treatment Project

Georgia's Residential Treatment Project:

Foster parents, case managers and others will be working together in new ways because Georgia's MATCH Program (Multi-Agency Team for Children) is changing to help children with some of the most severe needs. These are the children foster families are unable to handle because of their extreme emotional issues and behavior. They have been confused by traumas, such as sexual abuse, physical abuse and substance abuse. Too often, they suffer years of disconnection, moving from one foster family to another whom they never see again. They enter residential treatment centers funded through MATCH where they live full-time with other children receiving therapeutic treatment, sometimes remaining for long periods of time. These centers are usually away from children's home communities, and, too often, children staying there become cut off from their pasts, losing connections to people who previously had been in their lives.

skills to help these children. Often in the past, children would never again see the foster family they left to enter a residential treatment center. Yet even though the foster family had been unable to continue living with a child's challenging behavior, they often continued to feel concern, hoping the best for the child. In the past, these children seldom knew such people were remembering them with such positive hopes.
"Families can reconnect with these children in a range of possible ways, according to what they're comfortable with," Kelahan explained. "Some foster parents might be willing to have the child move back in with them when discharged from the residential treatment center, thus providing a sense of continuity the child would miss if going instead to yet one more unfamiliar setting. Even foster parents with limited time can make a big difference simply by sending the child birthday and Christmas cards. Even such small gestures make the child think, 'Wow, someone remembered my birthday,' or, 'Someone told the staff my favorite food is chicken pot pie.' To these children, such things are huge."

Building Teams for Children

A year ago, a new project funded through the Annie E. Casey Foundation began changing how things are and will be done throughout Georgia to better help these children return sooner and more successfully to mainstream society. The project's training coordinator, Annie Kelahan, explained people statewide are being trained to think in new ways and to be a part of new teams to help these children.
Relationships Heal
"Most of us had the advantage of family and other people who nurtured and helped us through childhood into adulthood," described Kelahan. "Sometimes they had a major influence on our lives even if we never lived with them and didn't see them very often. But young people usually don't have that advantage by the time they enter residential treatment centers. We're working to change that so these young people can feel and be connected in supportive relationships."
Thus, foster parents and case managers will be among those invited to become teammates pooling their varied strengths and
6

Along with foster parents and case managers, the child's team would include others who were, are or might be important cmmections for the child, including professionals such as mental health workers and therapists. Hopefully, the team would also include members of the child's birth family and more informal coru1ections, such as a neighbor or coach who for a while had significance in the child's life.
"Discovering people from the child's past leads to finding out about still more people," Kelahan said. "I don't know how many times it's been believed a child had absolutely no family, then, as we bring together the child's team, a former foster parent or teacher might say, 'I just remembered he has an aunt who lives just down the road,' or, 'He has a 30-year-old stepsister who told me the other day she sometimes wonders how he's doing.' Such people might be willing to be very involved as team members, such as by coming to formal meetings at the DFCS agency, while others might feel more comfortable with other roles, such as being a 'phone resource,' so when the child makes an A, he has someone to call up to brag about how well he's doing. This approach works best when team members have the flexibility to offer what they're best at doing in a way they're comfortable with."
Dia1me Sacks, manager of the DFCS Treatment Services Unit, emphasized the MATCH Program statewide will be moving in the directions described in this article, increasing teamwork to support children in treatment facilities and increasing outreach to families and communities.

Children being isolated from people from their pasts: this has too often been a painful reality faced by children in residential treatment facilities. "Alonso" (as he will be called in this article) is one child helped by a new approach in Georgia (see Page 6's article for more background) of reconnecting these children with family, former foster parents, and other concerned people.
Alonso's angry, destructive behavior and emotional issues were too extreme for his foster families. He had been in care for five years, three of which he had spent living full-time in residential care centers making little or no progress. His mother, struggling with alcoholism, had voluntarily given up parental rights, and no family member kept contact with him. He was 14 when Athol Burns, a Putnam County case manager, began working with him.
Isolation Causes Pain
"Here was this isolated, withdrawn, angry teenager who had been through a lot of therapists and case managers," Bums recalled. "The treatment center used a system to reward him for maintaining good behavior, but he'd behave until he got the reward then go right back to how he was before. While I was working with him, he was making no progress there and was transferred to another facility."
Burns's supervisor assigned her to be Alonso's "visiting resource," driving the 90 miles each month to check on his situation and simply to spend time with him, to provide some of the human contact children need in order to adjust and reenter mainsteam society. Burns noted, "I tend to get along with kids, and soon we had a pretty good relationship. I'd take him away from the center to lunch or to do something fun like go to a flea market shopping for baseball cards, which he collects."
Though Burns provided two years of such nurturing while Alonso continued receiving intensive treatment in the center, the teenager sank into depression, wanting to sleep all day and sometimes acting out until needing physical restraint. Finally, a member of Alonso's professional team arranged a large meeting to reconsider how to help him. The meeting included numerous professionals who had worked with him over the years.
Reconnecting With Family
"At the meeting, a MATCH consultant emphasized we should find some of his family members," Burns recalled. "I remember wondering why we'd never thought to try that - it was so obvious! I'd previously tracked down one of Alonso's former foster parents he'd mentioned a few times, and she'd started visiting him, which had been helping his spirits. But with his being in treatment facilities for so long without contact

from his biological family, I guess I'd just assumed there wasn't any family out there for him."
Family Can Help Heal
Burns described, "I couldn't find Alonso's father, who'd moved away. But Eatonton is a small community, and I located his grandmother and an aunt. They said they hadn't known where he was but had him on their minds, wanting to see him. I took an aunt, sister, niece and nephew to visit him at the center. Years before, he'd claimed his sister had sexually abused him, but that day he admitted he'd lied. That was pretty traumatic for them. But it was a nice day out, and we all walked around the lake. Soon his sister and he were reminiscing about some funny things, and it was good to see him laugh. He hadn't seen any family in six years."
Responding well to new, calming medication, Alonso met other family members whom the 17-year-old now visits in their homes for weekends and holidays. Wanting to be closer to family, he was transferred to a less restrictive facility nearer home where he lives in a cottage with 10 youths and is allowed to come and go as he wishes, as long as he informs the staff. He successfully reentered public school, from which he graduates this year. He sometimes visits his former foster parent who lives nearby. He wants to earn money and is trying to find a job, maybe bagging groceries.
"He loves visiting an aunt, uncle and cousin who live in the country," Burns said. "They have a four-wheeler he loves to drive. He just appears happier. He gets along well with the other kids in his cottage. He's not having problems in school. With the right medication and reconnecting with family, he's just totally different. He looks forward to the future, which I never saw him do before."

Foster Care
Ge org ia D e partm ent of H uma n Re s o urc es D ivision of Fami ly an d Childr en Ser v ic es
Suite 18-222 Two Peachtree Street, NW Atlanta, GA 30303-3180

PRSRTSTD U.S. POSTAGE
PAID ATLANTA, GA PERMIT NO. 5823

Millicent Houston is the state /LP manager.

If you foster a youth between the ages 14-21, he or she is eligible for a range of opportunities through the Independent Living Program (ILP). ILP funds activities to help youths be more successful in school, such as tutoring or evening classes. It also funds activities and supplies to help youths develop socially, such as cheerleader and band uniforms or club fees.
"ILP has always served youths ages 16-21, but now we're also serving 14- and 15-year-olds," explained Millicent Houston, state ILP manager. "Also we're now able to fund somewhat more broadly, so we can pay for some additional things to help youths that we couldn't in the past. Foster parents should get to know their local ILP coordinator to learn about opportunities for youths in their region which they might not otherwise find out about."
Houston added, "While ILP can fund needed supports to youths' educations, such as tutoring in a student's weak areas, ILP can also provide funding to help youths' social develop-

ment. Too many kids in foster care tend to isolate themselves, so their lives are more normalized if they can participate in some activities with costs not covered by the per diem allowance, like team uniforms and sports camps. Or, for instance, if the foster parent really thinks the child has a talent in art, funds might be available for art supplies. The ILP coordinator also might be able to tell you about free activities in your area, such as swimming classes and support groups. ILP also funds assessments which can reveal such things as learning disabilities which might be holding a youth back in school but which the right supports could help."
For youths to be eligible for these funds, case managers are required to refer 14-year-olds to their county ILP coordinator. Because case managers are busy with large case loads and might overlook a child's birthday, Houston urges foster parents to remind the case manager to refer a child turning 14 to the ILP coordinator.