Partnerships in fostering: a newsletter of the Georgia DHR Foster Care Unit, Summer 2002

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A NEWSLETTER OF THE GEORGIA OHR FOSTER CARE UNIT

Preserving amily Ties

Foster Parents and Families
Case Managers and Families
A Judge Offers Advice
summer

Children's connections with their family of origin: they matter so much. Children need foster parents and case managers to help preserve those connections, even when these children will never again live with a blood relative.
Family Provides Identity
"When DFCS has needed to terminate birth parents' parental rights, children too often have gone on to lose touch with blood relatives," described Doris Walker, manager of the state DFCS Foster Care Unit. /1As these children age into teenagers, they want to read their record and seek out family members - which makes sense because how would we feel without grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins in our lives? We wouldn't have people we see resemble us and share characteristics with us. We wouldn't have anyone to talk to about shared family history, to help us better understand where we came from so we better understand our own identities. As we got older, we wouldn't have kin with whom to compare similar medical conditions or ask about family medical history. Without relatives, we'd feel like one of a kind in the world - an alien."
A child might mention a relative to foster parents that the case manager has not yet learned of. When foster parents participate in visits between the children and family, they may hear of still other family members. Foster parents can help by sharing this information with the case manager, who can determine whether these family members will be safe to bring into the helping process.

Safety Yes, Bias No
"The child's safety must never be compromised," Walker cautioned. "On the other hand, we might meet the child's aunt, who isn't a safety risk but strikes us as a little odd. We need to remember a lot of us have our own aunts or cousins who might be a little 'different,' but we nonetheless think of them as part of our family. Though we might not feel especially close to them or spend a lot of time around them, sometimes we get things from being around them we can't get anywhere else - or we feel less alone in the world just knowing they're there."
Such relatives might not want or be able to take children in to live with them, but they could be uniquely valuable to a child simply by being links to family. Perhaps the child might occasionally have a day visit or dinner with them, or just an occasional phone call. They might represent the family at the child's graduation or send the child birthday and Christmas cards. They might provide support to birth parents (perhaps babysitting, driving the child to appointments or simply being there for parents to talk to), so the child will be more likely to be able to return home.

Family connections can help children in foster care and beyond.

DFCS Institute or AFPAG:
Which

is for You?

Saying Goodbye

Each year, foster parents must complete 15 hours of training to maintain their status as foster parents. Georgia offers two alternatives to assist parents in completing these hours: 1) the Foster Parent and Staff Development Institutes provided by DFCS and 2) the training conference provided by the Adoptive and Foster Parent Association of Georgia (AFPAG). Sometimes foster parents feel confused about the differences between these two training meetings, wondering, "Which one is best for me?"
"Thirty years ago, DFCS worked with the then new AFPAGto launch its annual .,llriiL~llll meeting," described Betty Wrights, DFCS state program consultant. "Since then it's grown and focused more on training. But as time went on, we all began to recognize no one location and time for training will work for all the state's thousands of foster parents. So six years ago, DFCS began offering the Institutes."
After holding the AFPAG conference at various locations over the years, it has settled in the past half-dozen years into being held the last week in February at Jekyll Island. After experimenting with offering up to seven Institutes annually, DFCS has settled into offering three Institutes each year, at Savannah, Macon and Atlanta.
A key difference between the two trainings is the AFPAG conference lasts two and a half days providing foster parents all 15 of their required annual parent development hours, while the DFCS Institutes last two days providing 12 of the required annual parent development hours. Foster parents attending the DFCS Institute will earn their remaining three parent development hours by attending training from another source, such as from their local DFCS agency.
Wrights explained, "When originally planning the Institutes, several of the committee's DFCS staff and foster parents said it

would be good to have some training held locally, in part so each county's DFCS staff and foster parents could interact and get to know each other better. Also the AFPAG conference takes place on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the planning committee decided having the Institute to be shorter would appeal to some foster parents who'd prefer not staying for a Sunday session but would rather leave Saturday evening to get back for church or just to get back home."
Another key difference is DFCS reimburses travel, hotel and registration expenses for 100 percent of foster parents who attend DFCS Institutes and up to 20 percent of foster parents from each county who choose to attend the AFPAG conference.
"Another difference between the trainings is their size," said Verdell Daniels, AFPAG president. "The AFPAG conference is the largest foster parent conference in the United States. This year we had over 1,400 attendees at the conference, while the three DFCS Institutes range from 150 to 400 attendees each. Class sizes are usually larger at the AFPAG conference than at the Institute."
While the DFCS Institutes provide attendees the convenience of training closer to home and becoming better acquainted with other parents and DFCS staff near home, the AFPAG conference offers an advantage to those foster parents interested in the broader organizational and political side of AFPAG. Beyond training, one motivation for foster parents who choose to journey from all across the state to the Jekyll Island conference is to meet and hear the ideas of AFPAG officers, other association members who might seek election, and representatives from the political arena such as Mrs. Roy Barnes (wife of Georgia's governor).
Although all foster parents participate in 10 weeks of MAPP to help them understand fostering's challenges and to decide whether to foster, ongoing training is necessary to give them the skills they need for specific situations.
"Ongoing training for foster parents is crucial because the types of children coming into care are always changing, and we're constantly needing to adapt," emphasized Wrights. "When I started out as a case manager, children entered care primarily because of neglect more than maltreatment. Since then, we've needed to adjust to better meet the needs of children who have been severely physically, sexually and emotionally abused or have had exposure to substance-abuse. We've moved into working more with children who are severely developmentally delayed or have multiple medical issues. Both foster parents and case managers need to continue learning to keep abreast of child welfare's ever-changing challenges."

Foster Parent and Staff
The 2002 Foster Parent and Staff Development Institutes will offer practical skills and information. As always, foster parents and staff associated with DFCS, as well as private providers, are welcome.
Foster parents who attend will earn annual parent development training hours and will be reimbursed for expenses. Institute registration brochures will be mailed to foster parents. Foster parents are asked to coordinate their attendance with their local DFCS. If local DFCS agencies cannot answer a question about the Institutes (including questions about registration, lodging and workshops), call l.800.227.3410; for questions about reimbursement, contact your county DFCS; for all other questions, call 404.657.3454.
Catch up with the Institute
Macon: .................................... August 9-10
Atlanta ................................ September 6-7
Partnerships .
in
ISSUE NUMBER 18
Newsletter Production Supervisor: Jayne Bachman Editorial Committee Mem bers: Kathleen Rinehart and Doris Walker Writer/Editor/Publisher: Dan Corrie Writer: Ellen Corrie Desktop Design: Dara O' Neil Do you like th is newsletter? Do you have ideas for how it cou ld be better? Send your comments to: Jayne Bachman DFCS Foster Care Unit, 18-222 Two Peachtree St., NW Atlanta, GA 30303-3142 404 .657 .3570

As a foster parent, you know your job is to provide temporary care, but it is natural to feel grief when children leave your home. From their arrival, you must learn both to care for them while also preparing them and yourself for someday saying goodbye. For example, children placed in temporary care should not be asked to call foster parents Mom or Dad. Foster parents should not tell them they are just like all the other children in the family (whether biological, adopted or in long-term foster care) because this is not true.
Parting is especially hard when you fall in love with a child. The blessing of mutual love can feel like a curse when you have to say farewell to a child who is returning to kin or moving to adoption. Love is never lost or wasted, but it sure can hurt. Rather than making promises when saying goodbye (like ''I'll keep in touch," or, "We'll call soon"), it often can feel better just to share feelings. Silence, tears and hugs can be precious memories. Rushing to fill the loss of a loved child with another child can be a mistake, like a rebound remarriage after a divorce, and can be an unhealthy way to deal with grief and loss. Families need to learn to say no to case managers if not ready to foster again immediately after the loss of a cherished child. You can find strength through building yourself a support network (spouse, friends, foster parent groups) who understand the unique joys and pain of fostering.
Other children will seem untouched or uncaring about your affection. This is often a protective shell to keep the pain of loss and abandonment from overwhelming their tender spirits. When saying goodbye with them, share your feelings and tell them you care, while understanding they may be unable to share intense feelings. You may want to share your thoughts in a letter, an audio tape, or videotape for the child to have for a future, private time. You may be ready to foster immediately after the departure of a child with whom you were not deeply attached or who lived with you briefly.
With other children's departure, you may feel relief. Some youths' challenging behavior would tax a saint. Others are so armored, it is almost impossible to build a connection. Others just may not fit with your style or family. When they leave, do not speak words of love or caring you do not feel, because children have sharp lie detectors. Be respectful and polite, as you might treat a relative with whom you have an uncomfortable relationship. After a challenging child's departure, some families need and deserve a respite from fostering, and they should talk frankly with their case manager about their family's level of exhaustion or need. Other foster families thrive on challenge. There is no one-size-fits-all foster plan.
Being a foster parent means saying goodbye from the time you say hello to each child who enters your home and heart. All hellos come with goodbyes embedded within. This is life.

Foster Parents Can Strengthen
a y Ties

When parents and children are separated, their bonds can weaken. Foster parents can greatly help children maintain or even strengthen bonds with their family of origin - not only with parents, but any member of the extended family from aunts to family friends. By doing so, foster parents build supports to help children for years beyond the time of DFCS's involvement with the family. How can foster parents do that? Annie Kelahan offers some concrete suggestions.

"It can

mean so

much

when fos-

ter parents

are

actively

supportive

of chil-

dren's vis-

its, phone

calls and

exchanges

of letters

with fam-

ily mem-

bers," said

Kelahan,

clinical

director of

CHRIS

Homes.

"Foster

parents

Children 's family bonds are crucial, says Annie Kelahan.

can ask rel-

atives for

photographs for the child, maybe letting the child

pick out some to display in his or her room. A

good way for foster parents to have together-time

with kids is to help them put together a 'Life

Book' - a kind of scrapbook both to keep an ongo-

ing record of current happenings (like report

cards, award certificates, pictures from camp) and

to preserve family photographs and information."

Triggering Positive Memories

Kelahan noted that if family videos are available, foster parents "can create little celebrations"
4

by watching the videos with the child and asking about the people in the videos. If family videos are not available, foster parents might ask children if there was a particular movie their family all had watched together and liked; then foster parents can rent the movie and tell the child they want to enjoy watching it together, too.
"Things like that remind kids of happier times from the past," Kelahan described. "Too often with kids in care, so many of the questions we ask about their family bring up painful or embarrassing memories - triggering unhappy feelings. But we can remind ourselves to ask questions that might trigger happier feelings. For instance, if we ask the child about things the child's family did for different holidays, the child might remember the bunny outfit her mom made for her when she was 3. Asking about family pets can lead to funny or comforting memories. This helps children celebrate good things about their families. We hope families can make changes so children can safely return home, so it's important to help parents and children maintain their bond. But even when children won't ever live with birth parents again, we don't want them to feel painfully cut off from their pasts."
Sharing the Little Things
Also foster parents can encourage more direct connections, such as by simply dropping a quick postcard to family members letting them know about something big or small in the child's life: "Just wanted to let you know Johnny lost his last baby tooth yesterday," or, "We signed Maria up for swimming lessons." The foster parent can ask the case manager for the mailing addresses of the family members who might most want such information, as well as family members or friends who have not had much previous involvement in the child's life but might be influenced to become more interested and supportive, even if only in small ways such as occasionally writing a few lines back to the child. Such small gestures can mean a lot to a child living apart from his or her family.
"Foster parents can write up an informal, fun 'newsletter' to mail to a few family members
(See Strengthening, page 8)

Tips for Case Managers:
ng Family

A crucial part of a case manager's job is to find family members who can and are willing to be supports for children in foster care, for which Betty Thomas offers practical tips. Thomas is a family therapist with Turning Point/New Directions for Families, a private agency which performs initial assessments for DFCS.
Ask Questions: Thomas noted that whether they are overwhelmed or untrusting, families in crisis often do not volunteer information to case managers and may need patient prompting. A good place to begin is simply to ask, "Is there anyone in your family who might be willing to help with your children?" To jog their memory, a helpful prompt is, "If your family had a wedding or funeral or reunion, who would be there?" Some questions to ask the child are, "When you' re upset, who helps you get back on track?" and, "Who are your favorite people?" Children may know how to locate a parent or relative when others do not. Talking with as many relatives as possible is important because even if they are unwilling or unable to be a direct support for the child, they may know of another relative. Also Thomas tries to identify key people in the child's world (school, church, neighbors, etc.), asking them what family members the child has talked about and if they know their location.
Be Sensitive: "When case managers ask the child's immediate family for information, they should be sensitive to the family's emotional state and abilities," Thomas advised. "They may be too embarrassed or confused to say they don't understand what you're asking for. They may be unable to read. Often I ask families to tell me names and locations of relatives and write it down myself. To make sure a form has been accurately completed, I read it out loud and ask if the information is correct. Case managers should take care to ask for information in a positive rather than an intimidating tone and manner."
Emphasize the Child: Often families in crisis and their extended family become alienated from each other. Case managers can build cooperation by helping them to focus on the child's needs, emphasizing the child will feel more secure if placed with family, but, if a suitable family member is not found, the child may end up living with strangers. Thomas stated, "To help soften old fam-

ily tensions, I tell parents that relatives often have a commitment that others don't, if we just give them a chance. Even though the parents and a par-
ticular relative may not be on good terms, the relative may be willing to put differences aside to help them get their child back, even if only to do something as simple as driving them to parenting classes required in their case plan." Use Family Conferences: Since 1999, family conferences have been a part of DFCS standard procedure throughout Georgia. For these meetings, case managers invite the child's and family's professional supports (counselors, physical therapists, etc.), as well as family members. Often at family conferences, relatives meet for the first time and, in talking together, remember additional family members. Thomas said, "I've seen family conferences energize family members to get involved who otherwise wouldn't. At the conference, they find themselves among other professionals, relatives and friends there on behalf of this family and child. They can see the family in a different light, and many of them decide they want to help."

Locating family members is critical, says Betty Thomas .
5

Law requires DFCS to
search for family members, says Judge
Karen Baynes.
6

Case Managers and Families:
e s ers ective

Case managers should search for family members of children in foster care, not only because doing so is good social work practice, but also it is the law.
"Federal law penalizes states when case managers are judged not to have made a diligent search to locate relatives who might be a suitable placement for each child," emphasized Karen Baynes, associate judge with the Fulton County juvenile court system. "If such efforts are deemed not to have been made, the state could lose federal IV-E funding for that particular child the entire time that child is in care. In other words, the state would have to expend its own funds for the child which otherwise would have been reimbursed by the federal government."

until a child is legally free for adoption, they naturally will begin bonding in a much deeper way with that child. However, if the case manager has not done a thorough search for and communicated with the child's family members, a family member might at that late stage learn of the child's situation and come forward demanding to adopt the child, not wanting the child to be adopted outside the family. Though the relatives would not automatically be permitted to adopt the child (DFCS would need to investigate and approve them as suitable), everyone's expectations in such cases are painfully overturned. Everyone involved is emotionally devastated, usually the child most of all.
Remembering Fathers

"A problem I see too often is many case managers will search for relatives on the mother's side of the family but not the father's," Baynes stated. "Sometimes case managers have written in the complaint that the child's father is 'unknown.' But in court, I'll ask the mother who the child's father is, and she can tell me his name, where he lives even his phone number. Granted, sometimes parents keep things from case managers, but I also get the feeling some case managers never really ask about fathers. I've been surprised that if we ask many of these mothers, they even know the father's Social Security number by heart, which can be useful information when doing Internet searches for the whereabouts of fathers."

Avoiding Heartache
Beyond questions of law, Baynes has seen firsthand the heartache that can result when case managers are not thorough in searching for children's relatives. For example, oftentimes children's cases reach the point at which the decision is made that parental rights will be terminated, and the foster parents agree to adopt. Even though the foster parents are aware they cannot formally adopt

To locate fathers whose whereabouts are unknown, case managers can gain valuable assistance from their local Office of Child Support Enforcement. Also the Department of Corrections will have records of anyone currently incarcerated throughout the state. Though an incarcerated father obviously would himself not be a suitable placement for a child, locating and talking to this father can lead the case manager to grandmothers, aunts and that whole side of the child's family who might offer the child a wide range of support, including a permanent home. Baynes noted that some DFCS agencies become so focused on searching for families who are willing and able to adopt children that they seem to forget permanent placement with a fit and willing relative is also in compliance with federal law.

Case Managers HelpFatnilies

Newly available services (called wraparound services) can provide additional support to case managers, to better serve some children and families who require a higher level of support than many local communities can normally offer. These new services are available through two programs.
The aim of First Placement/Best Placement (FP /BP) wraparound services is to reduce the length of time a child is infoster care and to ensure the success of whatever permanent living situation is found for the child. Merita Roberts, FP /BP program consultant, explained, "Case managers are often unable to meet all their families' needs because of high case loads, and foster parents too often say, 'If I'd just had some more help, maybe I wouldn't have had to tell my case manager we couldn't keep that child in our home anymore.' These wraparound services are meant to give case managers and foster parents that extra help."
The case manager and other participants in the family's family conference and multi-disciplinary team meeting may decide
the child and family need any or all of the following FP I BP
wraparound services:
Intensive treatment services/case management services: These provide support for reunifying children with birth parents. FP /BP funds are available for DFCS to contract with private providers to administer services such as supervision of family visits and regular monitoring of the child and family. Intensive treatment services provide counseling in the home. Case management services provide such supports as helping a child to get tutoring or a parent to get drug treatment or employment.
24-hour crisis intervention services: FP /BP funds are available for DFCS to contract with private providers to stabilize a family crisis which might result in a child's needing to be removed from a foster home or returned to foster care.
Summer enrichment program: Children under 14 may be provided $36 per day for seven days or a total of $252 for the summer to pay for a summer activity.
"To be eligible for these services, a child must be in DFCS custody, including children in adoptive placement whose adoptions have not been finalized," explained Roberts. More complete information (including a list of providers, the areas of the state for which they are approved, and time and financial limits on services) can be found at www.gahsc.org.
"MATCH wraparound services are usually for children whose behavioral and emotional issues are so extreme they've

been living in a residential facility," described Kathleen Rinehart, DFCS Treatment Services Unit program consultant. "They may have made great progress in the facility, but leaving to return to the less structured 'real world' can be very challenging and scary. These new wraparound services are like a safety net, providing these children with the high level of support they need while they practice their newly learned life skills and attempt the transition into the world outside the facility. MATCH wraparound services are also available to try to prevent some children who have never been to a residential facility from needing to be placed in one."

Children who are already in a residential facility through the

Two new programs are helping DFCS better support children and families.

MATCH program are eligible for these services. Because the

services are new, all areas of the state do not yet have approved

providers.

A private agency will be paid by MATCH to work with the case manager and provide the wraparound services. The first step is for the wraparound-service provider and case manager to assist the family in identifying the child's team of people and agencies the child and family can look to for support and assistance, such as foster parents, extended family, church members, school staff. Thirty to 45 days before the child leaves a residential facility, the team will develop a plan for the child to have positive connections and experiences within the community. In addition to traditional services such as counseling, the plan may include such things as the child regularly attending a Boy's or Girl's Club or being assigned a behavioral aide.at or after school.

"But we mean wraparound to be more than just an assortment of various services," Rinehart emphasized. "Rather, we mean to offer an ongoing process of support, providing the child and caregiving family whatever they need for the child to be able to continue living with the foster family or the birth family rather than in a facility. Or maybe extended family members would see how this process would give them the help they need so could decide they're able to bring a challenging child to live in their home."

Foster Care
Georgia Department of Human Resources Division of Fam ily and Ch ildren Services
Suite 18-222 Two Peachtree Street, NW Atlanta, GA 30303-3180

(Continued from page 4 )

every week or so," suggested Kelahan. "On a regular piece of paper, they could write at the top 'JOHNNY'S NEWS,' then just write down a few blurbs like, 'Johnny got an A in PE. On Wednesday he went to the doctor for a check-up and is fine. This week he made a new friend at school named Pablo. Last night he did the dishes.' Writing quickly by hand is fine - in fact, that probably looks more friendly and personal to family members than doing something carefully on a computer, which could look cold. Foster parents could make a few photocopies to send, or the case manager might be willing to make and mail photocopies. Foster parents could also invite the family members to let them know things to include in the 'newsletter' for the child and other family members to know about, like, ' Grandpa got a new hearing aid.' In this way, foster parents help families come together around a child."
Kelahan added, "Also foster parents can share

information during visits or through quick, casual phone calls. If the fo ster parent tells birth parents, 'Jody's new favorite color is pink,' the birth parents might think to buy a pink toy to give Jody at their next visit, which could help Jody feel her parents aren't losing touch with her. The foster parents might take a snapshot of the child's bedroom to give the birth parents. The child's bedroom is the last thing she sees at night and the first thing she sees waking up, so being able to visualize this could help parents feel more a part of the child's life. Foster parents can also help birth parents continue to feel like parents by asking them for pointers, like the child's favorite foods and things that make the child feel comfortable, like blankets and stuffed animals."
Kelahan said when foster parents help in these ways, children will not only have better memories about their blood family, but also about their foster family.