Partnerships in fostering: a newsletter of the Georgia DHR Foster Care Unit, Summer 1999

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An Interview With a Chi
Making Time or Birth Parents
When Probl Occur wit Visits

Visits can

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Parents visiting their children in foster care: such visits are vital for healing. More than anything else, visits motivate families to change so they can safely reunite.
More than anything else, lack of visits can result in parents drifting away from their children.
"When children enter foster care, I sometimes hear people say, 'These parents are totally incapable of raising their children,' /1 stated Fred Brennan, director of psychology at Hillside Residential Treatment Center. "But we have to be careful because that kind of thinking can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. When we feel and act as though the parents don't have an important place in their children's lives, we may discourage the parents from staying connected with their children, and that's usually not good for the parents or the kids."
Continued contact with birth family can teach children essential lessons.
11All families have problems," Brennan said. "In families that are intact, everyone assumes, 'Things look bad right now. But we're all family, and we'll work it out.' This is how the child gets that bedrock sense that when there's a problem with people you're deeply involved with, what you do is work it out. It's different when the child goes into foster care and the parents soon disappear from the child's life. That might teach the child that problems

are solved by moving or getting rid of the situation or blowing it up . So later as adults when there's a problem with a relationship, they might leave or divorce. Or if things go wrong with their kids, they might say, 'I don't know what to do,' and the next thing you know, the next generation is in foster care."
Visits can motivate parents.
"When parents are apart from their kids, they don't have those little moments together that mean so much," Brennan explained. "Maybe the child shows the parent some homework and says, 'See how I got an A in school today.' These times impact parents in a way that counseling and planning can't. Those moments make parents know, 'This is why it's worth all this work.' They know why it's worth going through substance abuse training or working the three jobs to get out of a hole. If parents don't have that kind of reinforcement every so often, they become discouraged and give up."
Visits can be first steps for parents in making positive changes.
"Visits give parents a place to start from," Brennan observed. "Parents need to show up for their kids on a regular basis. For them, learning to be punctual for visits can be the first step to a lot of other things, like, for instance, making it to their therapy appointments. Very small things can be the first stages of some very big changes."

IVisits truly help children and their families , says Fred Brennan.

The Importance of Family Visits

Visits for Siblings

No one understands foster care like a child who experienced it. "Dara" (as she will be called in this article) is a 19-year-old from Albany who spent three years in foster care. She vividly remembers the importance of her visits with her family.
Dara was 9 when she entered foster care and remembers that time's fear and confusion.
"I'd never spent much time away from home," Dara recalled. "I never hardly spent the night away, so all of a sudden leaving my mom for a long period of time was scary. I didn't know what was going to happen. I have a lot of brothers and sisters. I'm the oldest child and had a lot of responsibility. So the first thing that popped in my head after, 'Oh no, I'm leaving my mom,' was, 'Where are my brothers and sisters going to be? How am I going to get to talk to them?' I just wanted to go home."

Arrangements were made for Dara to begin seeing her family.
"We met at the DFCS agency sometimes," Dara recounted. "It always seemed kind of dreary having to visit there because it was basically just an office with furniture and toys. But, hey, I got to be with my family, and that was the good part-so I'm not complaining. I guess I knew all the social workers were there, and they all knew I was a foster child. I was one of the best people you could ever meet, but I kind of felt like people might be thinking, 'She got treated the worst in the world,' or, 'Her mom's the worst parent,' or, 'She's got to be one of the worst children.' I guess I'm self-conscious. It just felt weird."
Often Dara and her family visited in Tift Park, and Dara reminisced, "The best visits were when we were all outside and got to go play together-my brothers and sisters and mom. We'd play on the swings and wrestle around. When you get to be yourself at a visit, that's the best visit you can have. Birthdays and holidays were the best times to get to spend time together. For birthdays we could have cake and ice cream and drinks. My mom never had a lot of money, but she'd bring us things. One year she made me a jewelry box. She had an old lock box that played music. She put some velvet on it and some gold twine, a bow, some pearls and a gem on top of it. Little stuff like that showed us our mom cared."

Dara's foster parents allowed her to telephone her siblings to keep in touch.

Dara and her four siblings stayed with the same foster family for a month. Then they were divided among three different foster families.
"You begin to wonder after awhile if they're just going to stop the visits completely and if you're going to get adopted out and stuff like that," Dara remembered. "I was thinking, 'Maybe my mom didn't do such a good job, but maybe she needs a second chance.' My foster parents were nice. But if you're a child and are just up and taken away from your family, then seeing your family is just about the only thing you feel that's good in your life."

"Back then I wasn't grateful to DFCS for taking me from my family," Dara said, "but I was able to see I didn't have to live the way I'd been living. Maybe that might have been the best my mom could do at the time, but it wasn't the best that I could do. Sometimes parents love their children but don't know how to love them right. If I'd thought I wasn't going to see my mom, I might have turned into a runaway-type person. But as long as I got to see her and knew she still cared, I was OK. For a child that's been taken from their parents, visits are like Christmas."
Now Dara lives next door to her mother and says, "I'm a normal person with a normal life, and foster care helped me be this way."

Being removed from parents and placed in foster care is hard for any child, but children can feel even more trauma when their siblings are also removed and placed with different foster families. The child is all the more confused about how all the pieces will ever fit back together. When siblings are split up in foster care, regular visits are crucial, says Jeff Summers, director of holistic ministry at the Methodist Home for Children and Youth in Macon.
Summers explained, "These kids are thinking, 'I don't really know where my brother and sister are. What's going to happen to them? Will someone adopt them and not me? No one will want to adopt me because it's all my fault and I'm terrible.' They're feeling all these emotions, so they're probably going to act out in a very negative, attention-seeking way. Their behavior can improve if they can feel some relief and continuity by being able to see their siblings regularly."

"Adults may need to talk to the kids before the visit and help them think about how they'll act when they see their sibling again," said Summers, "The adult might coach them in how to start a conversation. The adult might help them think of things they've been doing that they can talk about and questions they might want to ask their sibling. The adults don't have to be interacting with the kids during the whole visit, but adults

Helping Siblings Feel Stable

Visits should encourage the siblings to interact and reconnect.

Jeff Summers says siblings in foster care need each other.

"Visits need to do more than just bring the kids together," Summers emphasized. "I've seen visits where siblings are just sitting at a TV playing Nintendo, not interacting. Some of these kids have never learned how to play together. Visits are much better when they really do things together, maybe playing frisbee, Leggos or putt-putt, building a go-cart, swimming or camping. Girls might play dolls. Sometimes we can think back to our own childhoods and ask ourselves what were some good, meaningful memories we have with our sister or brother, and that can give us ideas for things to do with these children. Also these kids need to share special times like birthdays, baptisms or things like graduation from the sixth grade."
Giving Guidance to Siblings

should check on them regularly because often these kids have been through some rough times together, and being together again may bring back memories and some old, undesireable patterns of acting."
Busy case managers may need the help of foster parents to bring siblings together.
"Many case managers are strained to care for all the families on their caseload," Summer said. "In that situation, the case manager should bring together the different foster families who are caring for the siblings and say, 'My schedule is so busy, one of the things I'd like to negotiate with you is that the two of you will stay in contact without me always being involved. Let's talk about how you can set up times for the kids to get together.'"

When siblings have been apart for even a couple of weeks, they will likely need an adult's help in reconnecting.

3

Making Time for Birth Parents

Patricia Tuten is an Augusta foster parent who proves how giving a person some time can make a real difference. Tuten discussed working with "Ms. Smith" and her son, "Billy" (as they w ill be called in this article). The 2-year-old needed occupational therap y. Instead of simply taking him to the therapy sessions herself, Tuten saw an opportunity to work more closely with Smith.

"We would sit together in the waiting room before and during Billy's 30-minute sessions," Tuten described. "Billy might go up to other people in the waiting room and just start looking in their p urse, and I would walk over and say, 'N ow Billy, you know we d on't do that. That is not acceptable.' Ms. Smith would be watching me. She might chime in and say, 'N o Billy, you know you don't d o that.' Being together in the waiting room was an opportunity to teach her without saying, 'OK, you need to do this with your child.' Ms. Smith could watch the w ay I would handle different things Billy did, and I'd eventually see her handling it the same way, instead of her old way of just hollering at him."

Foster Parents Can Teach

Loretta Davis (left) and Patricia Tuten reach out to birth parents.
Tuten said, "I told Ms . Smith that Billy would be going to the therapist and that it would be nice if she could come along. She took the incentive to ride the bus to the therapist's office. After thesessions, I would always give her a ride hom e. I felt like she was certainly showing DFCS her responsibility by coming there. "
As the two women fell into the routine of going to the therap y sessions, Tuten was able to help Smith learn p arenting skills.

The two women had time to talk about parenting in a relaxed, natural way in the w aiting room and when Tuten drove Smith home.
Tuten explained, "Ms. Smith w ould ask me things like, 'What do you do when Billy has those temper tantrums? Has he ever done that with you?' And I would say, 'Yes ma'am, you 'd better believe it! He's in the terrible twos. When he does that, I don't give him any attention. If I'm reading, I just keep reading. When he gets over his tantrum, I say, 'Well, are you through?' And life goes on.' A couple of times when I drove her home from therapy, we went out to lunch together. We were building a friendship, and she didn' t feel she had to be on her guard with me."
Tuten gave her telephone number to Smith. Loretta Davis, their case manager, emphasized to Smith that DFCS did not require foster parents to give their telephone numbers to birth parents and that Tuten had chosen to do so in order to help her and her son to have greater connection.
Keeping Open Communication

Tuten said, "I told Ms. Smith, 'Feel free to call

if you'd like to talk to Billy or if you'd like to talk

to me about how he's doing.' I realize you can' t do

this with all p arents because some might call at

two in the m orning, but Ms . Smith was always

very courteous with it. An open line of communi-

cation makes parents feel more informed and

4

involved. Then they can tell their friend next door,

When Problems Occur With Visits



'Guess what-my son can ride a tricycle now!' They need information on what their child is doing, and the foster parent can give it to them ."
Many of the visits occurred at the DFCS agency, but Tuten also looked for opportunities for visits in less formal settings.
"I invited Ms. Smith to the Easter egg hunt and the Christmas party at our church," Tu ten explained. "I didn't want her to feel awkward. I could imagine how I'd feel going into a group of people who knew that my child was in foster care. My ch urch is just w onderful, and they love all my children. So from the time she arrived, I just kind of broke the ice by introducing her to everybody. I took her around and said, 'This is Billy's mom,' and everyone would shake her hand and say, 'I'm so glad to meet you- we just love Billy!' She really had a good time."
Eventually Billy was able to return to live w ith his mother. Last Christmas, Smith wrote Tuten, "I personally want to thank you for taking such w onderful care of Billy. Underneath your loving heart and caring hand, he has grown into a beautiful little boy. I know he will always cherish you because I will never let him forget the ties that bind us together. You are the grandest of ladies simply because you have a loving heart and a gentle spirit that will tame the heart of many, man y children. I hope that Billy will remember you always because you are his grandma in my heart."
Need Money for Education?
Need funding for college or technical school? Need money for high school expenses, such as tutoring, books and supplies? Funds are available for children in foster care between the
ages of 15 and 21 . For information,
contact the independent living coordi-
nator in the county where the student lives.

Visits are crucial in connecting parents with children in foster care. But what do foster parents and case managers do when problems arise with visits? Following are some common problems with visits:
Children become upset: If children become upset before and after a visit, this does not mean the visit was bad. Maintaining family bonds in foster care is challenging, so it is natural that children may feel a range of emotions. Adults should remember these children have the right to feel upset, though not to the point that they harm themselves, harm others or damage property.
Children become confused: Children need to be prepared prior to visits, especially if they recently entered foster care. Explain the purpose of the visit, the length of time and who will be present (if you know). For older children, mark the visit's date on the family calendar. A paper chain can help younger children (ages 3-5) keep track of the visit's date; for example, you can make a paper chain of six blue links of paper and one red link. Then the child can rip off a blue link each day until the day of the scheduled visit, which is the red link.
Birth parents do not show up: If the birth parents regularly miss visits, the case manager should ask them to arrive early enough so the person transporting the child can be notified as to whether the visit is still "on," which could save the driver a pointless trip. If parents tend to miss visits, a special outing or activity should be planned in case the parents do not come, to reduce children's disappointment.
Dangerous promises and lies: Sometimes birth parents give false dates for returning children home, play "head games" with their children and/or undercut the foster parents' role and authority. With such serious behavior, visits must be supervised to protect the children.
Broken promises and dreams: Sometimes birth parents promise activities, gifts or visits that they do not deliver. Usually children have been dealing with such broken words for a lifetime, so they need support more than protection. When parents break promises, children need the foster parent or case manager to be there to give a hug, a listening ear and an open heart. They should not tell the children their parents are lying; rather, they should go along with the wish and fantasy. For example, they might say, "I hope you do get that big truck from your dad," or, "That would be nice if she comes here for your birthday."
Emotionally empty visits: When birth parents seem not to care about their children during visits, foster parents may need to teach both the parents and child how to play together. With babies and toddlers, foster parents may need to teach basic parenting skills. Many children in care may have been parented by siblings, grandparents or even neighbors. Those key figures should be invited for visits to help children keep those important connections alive.

Visiting with a Medically Fragile Child


Family Visits:
What are Georgia's Official Policies?

Barbara Simmons, a Stewart County foster parent, helped a couple who were overwhelmed by their child's medical needs. "David" (as he will be called in this article) came into Simmons' foster care when he was six months old. He had been born with a double cleft palette and had already been through stomach surgery. Simmons attended
training to learn to feed David through a stomach tube and to operate his 24-hour-a-day feeding pump.

"He was very, very tiny, and he didn't respond very much to people," Simmons said. "His mother was sort of scared and didn't seem to know what to do with him."

Soon after David came

into the Simmons' care,

he had surgery. While

he was recovering in

the hospital, Simmons

began working to

Barbara Simmons helped parents meet medical challenges .

strengthen the parentchild bond. David had already grown so

attached to Simmons that when the mother would

try to take him from her, he would begin crying

and hiding his face in his blanket.

"So we started off slow," Simmons told. "At first, we would just walk the hospital halls together, with me carrying David and his parents just walking along with us. When he would fall asleep, I'd say, 'OK, you can sit in a chair, and I'll put him in your lap.' So she got to be with her child and hold him. I encouraged her to feed him or change him or any little something that would show him that she wanted to do things for him. Even as young as he was, there's got to be a feeling-something good he can remember-for a bond to start forming."

After the surgery, David was able to begin drinking juice from a bottle.

6

"I would give his mom the bottle, and I could see she was scared," Simmons recounted. "I've raised my own children, so I don't panic when I try things with kids. I would tell her just to let him try the bottle, and ifhe acts like he's going to choke, just take it out. I told her if anything went wrong, I'd help her. She did good with that. I'd try to make things playful, like giving her one of his favorite toys, to try to get him to go to her and let her hold him and love him and show she cares."
David had three surgeries while in the Simmons' care. Between surgeries, the parents visited with their son at the DFCS agency.
"They missed a couple of visits, but they made most of them," Simmons said. "I took videos of David, and we looked at them on the agency's TV and VCR. Then I would bring the tape back home and put more on it. So the parents could see him taking his first step, eating his first ice cream cone, throwing a kiss or dancing in front of the TV. I took photographs, too, and I'd let the parents pay for the prints. If they couldn't afford that, I'd just give them some prints. I'd always try to give the parents what I think I'd like to have had if the child had been my own child."
Five weeks ago, David returned home to his birth parents.
Simmons said, "His mom has brought him to see me twice since then, and he looks very good. He's attaching to her really well and clinging to her now. He remembers me though! He hugs me and pats my back like he always did. I told her that if there was ever a time that I could keep him for the day, I would love it, and she said maybe he could spend the night sometime. That child has so much love from my family. My house is full with children, and my daughter and my grandchildren love this child tremendously. He was the first child we had with a medical problem, and taking care of him was probably the greatest thing I've ever done."
Eight months ago, David's mother gave birth to another child with medical problems similar to David's. From their experiences with David, the parents were more prepared and confident to care for this child, so there was no need for him to enter foster care.

Because people's opinions can greatly differ,

every state must clearly explain its official stances

about all aspects of fostering. These policies pro-

vide a standard for whenever a question arises or

whenever guidance is needed. This article pro-

vides a brief overview of Georgia's official policies

J related to family visits.

l

Georgia's Social Services Manual emphasizes

how visits are essential in helping children and

their families: "Visits represent the most signifi-

cant means of developing, maintaining or enhanc-

ing parent-child attachment. Reunification [of the

child and birth family] is more likely to occur

when frequent and consistent visitation between

parent and child occurs. Generally, the child who

is visited makes a more successful adjustment to

foster care and experiences a greater sense of well-

being than does the child whose parent visits

infrequently or not at all."

The policy manual recognizes that separation from family is traumatic for a child, and, at the time a child is placed in foster care, the parent should be encouraged to tell the child when the first visit will occur. The manual adds that a child entering foster care "should have a family visit in the first week following placement. If a visit is not possible, arrangements should be made for a telephone or written contact during the first week of placement."

the child taken away." These birth parents may be greatly helped by the case manager's and foster parents' "understanding and encouragement," such as by assisting the parent "in developing more meaningful ways of interacting with/relating to the child, such as activities, games, etc."

The manual emphasizes how the locations of

visits can help parents and children relax and,

therefore, interact more naturally: "Visits should

be held in the least restrictive environments

possible. Parks, playgrounds and the home of the

foster parent or parent

offer alternatives to

office visits. Visits should occur in the parents' home when

"The child's confusion and anxiety can be greatly reduced II

appropdate."

In addition to visits with parents, the manual notes the desirability of children visiting with other family members who are important to the child, such as grandparents and siblings. The manual recognizes that extreme situations and problems sometimes make visits with parents and other family members inappropriate. However, family visits can help children because "typically a child entering care feels much self-blame for what has happened. The child's confusion and anxiety can be greatly reduced by arranging some form of contact with birth family."

The manual adds, "A plan for parental visitation with the child shall be a part of every case plan, a copy of which is provided to the parent. When agency resources allow, visitation shall be

scheduled at two-week intervals unless the court has specified another visitation arrangement. The younger the child, the more frequent visitation is needed for the child to maintain a relationship with the parent. Family visits should become more frequent and of longer duration when placement
'l with the parent nears."

J

The manual urges that birth parents often need support to be successful in visiting: "The parent

who misses visits, shows up late, seems disinter-

ested, etc., may be experiencing great discomfort at having to continually face the reality of having

Send Us Your Suggestions!
How do you like this newsletter? Do you have ideas for how it can be improved? Are there things about it you want to stay the same? We'll be glad to receive your feedback! Send your comments to:
Jayne Bachman DFCS Foster Care Unit, 18-222 Two Peachtree St., NW Atlanta, GA 30303-3180

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living in a small town helps Tomika Sales in fostering .
8

Making visits work
In a Small Town

Tomika Sales, a foster mother from Tazewell, is determined to vitalize the bonds between children and their birth parents, which is what she is currently doing with "Ms. Jones" and her 2-year-old son, "Jamal" (as they will be called in this article).
Since moving into Sales' home, Jamal has spent weekends with his birth mother. After returning from his weekend visits, Jamal would act shy and distant toward Sales. Also Jamal was crying a lot at the day care center. Sales discussed this with her case manager, Bridget Harris. The two women decided Jamal must be confused in trying to understand how these two different caregivers fit into his life. For example, sometimes children wonder if by showing affection to foster parents, they are somehow betraying their birth parents. The two women decided it was important for Jamal to see his foster and birth mothers being friendly partners, not competitors. Sales went to Jamal's mother to discuss this plan.

and Jamal around? Just tell me, and I won't do it.' And Ms. Jones said, 'No! Anytime you see us, you're more than welcome to speak or whatever!' We live in a small town, so everyone sees everyone else around all the time. So that weekend I saw them somewhere and went out of my way to talk with her. Jamal was just looking at us both like, 'Wait a minute- I know them!' He could see we knew each other."
Sales added, "On weekends, we run into each other at different little events, like children's birthday parties. Or sometimes I go out of my way to see them, like if I know they're at the hair shop that weekend, I'll go up and say hi. Or if Jamal is with me and we see Ms. Jones, I'll say, 'Look, Jamal, here's your mom!' I'll go over to her and say something to Jamal like, 'Tell your mom what you did in day care today.' Since we started doing that, he doesn't act quiet with me anymore when he comes back to my house on Mondays."

Sales and the case manager discussed the need for the birth mother to get back into a routine of doing normal parenting tasks for Jamal. In accomplishing this, living in a small town has helped Sales to include other family members as helpers.

Sales explained, "If I can't get in touch with Ms. Jones, I might stop in the shop where her sister-in-law works and ask her to remind Ms. Jones to get Jamal's hair cut this weekend. Or I might see the grandmother on the street and tell her. They always see to it that Jamal gets his hair cut or new clothes for day care or whatever else he needs. He has a lot of people to love him."

Sales and Jones are creative about keeping an open line of communication, as when the birth mother takes the child to the doctor. Sales works near the doctor's office, so after Jamal's appointment, Jones will stop by on the way to dropping Jamal off at day care, to let Sales know the doctor's instructions for Jamal.

Sales recalled, "I said to Ms. Jones, 'I think Jamal will feel better if he sees you and me being friendly with each other. I know you're glad to have him during the weekends, and I don't want to interrupt that, but would you feel OK about me coming up and speaking to you when I see you

"Ms. Jones is very nice," Sales commented, "but even if parents seem to have a bad attitude, I've seen how being nice when you approach them can help make things work out a lot better."

Teamwork
Makes Visiting Easier and Better

Creativity and teamwork can make it possible for family visits to occur often without overextending busy case managers, according to Sheila White, supervisor of the Douglas County DFCS. Her agency's foster care intake worker makes sure each child visits with parents within the first five days of entering foster care. Parents are scheduled to visit with infants two or three tirrtes a week, and all children see their parents at least once a week.
"A local church helps us with family visits," White explained. "A member of the congregation put the word out at her church that there was a need for volunteers to supervise family visits. We've had wonderful, educated, professional people to come forward and volunteer to help. We train the volunteers to help them in understanding at-risk families and the need for confidentiality. Now on Tuesday and Thursday nights and on Saturdays and Sundays, the children and birth families can visit together at the church, supervised by the church volunteers. There's a playground and a playroom. Refreshments are served. It's wonderful."
After the visits, the volunteers fill out forms describing how the visits went, then fax the forms to the agency.
"We also have some foster parents who supervise visits as well, although I expect my case managers to attend at least two of those visits per month, to see firsthand what's going on," White said. "We have foster parents who come to the

office and supervise visits here, and the case managers join in the visit at least at the beginning and the end, in case there's a problem. Also some of our foster parents feel comfortable having the birth parents come to their homes. We also have foster parents who take the children to visits at the birth parents' homes, which is a good setting for foster parents to help birth parents with parenting skills. Also when the kids see the foster parent and birth parent together like that, they feel like the adults are working together and that it's OK that they're staying with the foster parent."
Flex-time allows DFCS staff to arrange visits that do not disrupt parents' lives.
"Many of our children's parents work, and they can't visit during the agency's normal 8 to 5 office hours," White noted. "For example, I have one worker who can't work late at night, but she can work on Saturdays some. So she schedules Saturday visits at the park with foster parents, birth parents and the children."

Teamwork makes visitation easier, says Sheila White.

Celebration of Excellence Day Honors Graduates

Seven years ago, a Dekalb County case manager organized a party for nine teens on her caseload who otherwise would have attended graduation ceremonies by themselves. Each year since, this celebration has grown. On June 17, 180 teenagers in foster care from across Georgia came to Atlanta for the seventh Celebration of Excellence Day. The three-day event included college tours and numerous workshops to prepare the young people for college and independent living. The celebration also honors the foster parents who helped these youths.
Eddie Gordon of DeKalb County was in longterm foster care for 14 years and attended

Celebration of Excellence Day two years ago, noting, "It means a lot to many people, including me. It was great to meet so many people in the same situation. Case managers and foster parents were all congratulating me. They might not think it was such a big deal, but it was a big deal to me. For the first time I didn't feel like an outsider. It really builds up your self-esteem."
This year Gordon is a double major in psychology and criminal justice at Columbus State University and was recently elected student government president.

IEddie Gordon was among the honored youth.
9

Tips for
Successful Visits

Jonell Courson, a Cherokee County DFCS case first visit. I think this helps the parents to see who

manager, offers case managers the following prac- is caring for their child, and it also helps the foster

tical tips to enhance family visits:

parents to see the parents with the child."

Plan with foster parents

Plan with birth parents

"The first family visit should occur as soon as possible after the child comes into foster care,"

"Before visits, I meet with the birth parents and talk about the visit's purpose," noted Courson. "For example, I explain the visit is a time for them to spend with their child, not a time to discuss their case plan. I encourage them to be positive and to stay away from talking about things like their anger at the agency or the foster parents. If they have any pressing issues like that, I promise to give them an opportunity either before or after a visit to tell me, away from the child."

Negotiate responsibilities with birth parents

Jonell Courson (right) offers tips to case managers .
Courson emphasized. "The foster parent is the first person I talk with about visiting because the foster parent is key to visits being successful. I talk with them about the case's goal and engage them in planning for the visit. We consider their schedule in planning both the time and place for visits. We talk about how comfortable they feel about interacting with the parents. I encourage the foster parent to meet the parents at or even before the

"This helps the parent stay in the habit or get into the habit of thinking about parenting duties," Courson stated. "If at all possible, I ask parents to provide their own transportation to visits. If they're visiting an infant, I ask them to bring the baby supplies, like diapers and the bottles. If they're going to be taking the child out of the office, I ask them to bring their own car seat. I ask the foster parent to tell them, 'This is the formula you need to bring. This is the feeding schedule,' and let the parent take over such responsibilities as soon as possible. If it's an older child, I encourage the parent to plan activities for the visit, such as bringing a favorite book or picture albums, or planning some art activities to do, like cutting and pasting. If I see the parents seem unable to carry out these sorts of responsibilities, I'm better able to gauge areas where they need strengthening in their parenting skills."
Prepare children for visits
"It's important for the child to know what's going on," Courson said. "If the child is of an age to understand, he or she should know where the visit will occur, when the visit will occur, who will

10

be at the visit, and how long the visit will last. They need to understand that after the visit, they're going back home with their foster parents. Kids may need to be told information like this repeatedly, especially during the first few months. You don't want kids to be faced with surprises. Being removed from their home was a shocker in itself, and you want them to be prepared for what's coming up. If at all possible, I really encourage the foster parents to accompany the child to the visit, just to provide some constants for the child."
Maintain a relaxed atmosphere
"If possible, I try to choose a place for visits outside the agency, like a park, playground, church, restaurant or library," Courson shared. "If the parent has a suitable and safe home, that could be a possibility for a visit. In places like McDonalds or the park, I try to dress casually, like in jeans and tennis shoes, and I'll interact with the familyeating if they eat, bringing a picnic if they're bringing a picnic, and so on. That can put the family at ease, as well as lending the parents some sense of privacy-so they won't feel other people are noticing there's this person in professional clothes sitting there watching them and writing notes in a book."

End each visit
"At the end of a visit, it's important to let everybody know it's almost time to go, so you can give everyone plenty of time to say their goodbyes," Courson said. "I encourage birth parents to be responsible for closing the visit and telling their child it's OK to go. I always talk about that with the parents before the first visit so that at the end of visits the child won't be hanging onto mom crying while the person who came to pick them up is waiting in the car with the motor running."
Help children normalize after
a visit
"After a visit, a child is sometimes upset, angry or may act distant," Courson stated. "I encourage foster parents to allow children some time after visits to talk about the visit and their family. Then the foster parents can help them move on to other things, maybe by letting them plan the dinner for that evening or pick out a TV show the family will watch together. If a visit is upsetting, things like these help redirect children, to help them move on to their other daily activities."

Per Diem Increase!
Effective July 1,
Georgia foster parents will receive a 15 increase in the basic per diem rate. The new basic rate will be $11. 25 per day.

A Judge's View of Family Visits

Working with the parents of children in foster care can be challenging, acknowledges Michael Key, a Troup County juvenile court judge. These parents are struggling with personal issues, in addition to being traumatized by having their children removed from them, so DFCS staff and foster parents often see these parents at their worst.
"We can find greater patience by stepping into their shoes," Key said. "Any of us is subject to a bout of mental illness, emotional instability, drug or alcohol addiction, depression or financial mis-

fortune. We're all subject to things that could put us in a situation where we can't care for our children for some period of time. If we were to find ourselves in such a situation, what would we want somebody to do for us and our kids to help us keep contact and build back healthy bonds?"
Key added, "Prominent judges from around the country are emphasizing the importance of family visitation, both to help families reunite, as well as to help children who are adopted to stay connected with supportive relatives who might be there for them throughout their lives."

Birth parents need our patience, says Michael Key.

Foster Care Unit Division of Family and Children Services
Suite 18-222

BULK RATE U.S. POSTAGE
PAID ATLANTA, GA PERMIT NO. 5823

The 1999 Foster Parent and Staff Development Institutes Continue

Soon the 1999 Foster Parent and Staff Development Institutes may be coming to your area. The Institutes are being held on Fridays and Saturdays throughout the state.
As in past years, this year's Institute offers sessions with a practical focus, such as how to manage children's lying, stealing, tantruming and acting out sexually with other children or adults. The Institute also explores how to help prepare children and reduce their trauma when they enter foster care or leave foster care for a permanent home, either to return to their birth parents or to go to a different permanent living arrangement. Other Institute sessions help foster parents and staff adjust to important changes in child welfare, such as providing a better understanding of the new federal law, the Adoption and Safe Families Act. The Institute also offers guidance in how

foster parents can be more effective in serving on citizen review panels and working with schools. The Institute offers sessions examining the needs and methods of caring for children with such conditions as fetal alcohol syndrome/effects, mental retardation, motor impairments, Down's syndrome, among other conditions. Also foster parents caring for such children will learn about helpful supports.
Foster parents and staff will be receiving further information and invitations to the Institutes.
Catch u with the Institute
July 23-24 .................Savannah September 17- 18 .............Albany